I drown myself in
***** hoping that
I'll find
h
      a
            p
          p
        i
     n
e
   s
s
at the bottom of the bottle
Sadly, the only thing I
find is
y
  o
    u

And that's who I'm trying to forget.



                                   B.S.

It's raining luck
And I'm sitting here under an umbrella

We are all
just lifetimes
searching for
       infinities.
     And the broken
    parts or who
we were
      should never
          be excluded
   from the beauty
of what we
are.
     -Andrew Durst

... And I keep wishing that
I knew your hands
like body knows bed
like body feels sun
like body knows coffee at 6am.
...And I'd venture to say
I'd like to create a masterpiece
of your being, with my lips
                               my mouth
                               my hands
                               thighs wrapped
around your strength .
I am beyond enamored,
No cigarette could chase these nerves.
No distance could put out this light-house
awaiting the arrival of you
               the pleasure of you
my ears ache to hear what
moans will make of you.
I want to render you
incapable of any feeling,
but longing and elation
only in relation
to me,
to us,
to you,
here in this bed
unbeknownst to the flow of life outside.
captivated
stimulated
by what's in here
                lies here
            naked here
              ready here
made and designed
to be adorned
and torn down
by you....

color me the hue of your cigarette ash;

slam broken beer bottles in to my palm

and wipe the blood on an old t-shirt. 

paint me pretty with ***** red lipstick
(stolen from my mother)

and stuff me in to china doll shells. 

you say “this change will be good for you”

i say “this is too fun to stop”

my father says “oh good god, what have you done?”

but darling, let’s not listen to anyone else,

and continue tattooing memories on our skin.”

It was a place
where people lost time
trying to remember how to live
& it must have been a holiday,
I saw no less than four patrons
passed out cold,
faces lying in their *****,
empty bottles at the their feet
& the workers
walking around
pathetically
as if,
as if it were business as usual,
just the destruction of human souls.