In this position of service, you have relinquished all the power to me. As your most precious of vulnerabilities disappears into the warm cavern of my mouth, I hear the breath leave your body in a rush of pleasure.

Do you trust me? I think you must.

The taste of you is intoxicating and a hungry noise builds in my throat. As my tongue explores the ridges that intrigue me so, I feel you fidget with need - frustration. I want to ease your body the way you ease my heart.

You slide your fingers into my hair and pull me in.

The rhythm begins -
as old a the souls that first made them -
each stroke is natural but still new.

Time is no factor -
for hours or seconds
we are one in our mind and purpose.

You begin to move with me; anticipating the dance my mouth is leading.

Faster and faster -

a race to ecstasy.

Forward and back

In and out

Back and forth

Short and long

Slow and quick

I know it’s close. My eyes are watering with the pain of your fingers in my hair and my own need to feel the end.

The cliff is here and your movements falter. You cry out my name as I feel you swell in my mouth.   I pull you closer as your hot essence floods my throat. Your hand moves down to my neck where I know you can feel me swallow the love you give to no one but me.

It is everything. My heart beats in my ears, drowning out my muffled moans.

We float down together - dizzy with joy.

I lay my head on your thigh as you stroke my hair - breathing hard from the rush. Here, in this moment, is where I want to stay forever. Now and always, I am only yours.

29OCT2019

Each breath of solitude is an escape from the chaos that is you. Each moment in your presence is like being stuck on the edge of the tide as wave after wave hits me from all directions; battering my body and my spirit.

Your constant demands on my time - my emotions and empathy - exhaust my will and my motivation. I long for the harbor of peace, in the storm that is you.

Yet each time you call out for me; I race willingly to your side. I give you my everything knowing that you will take it without remorse or thankfulness in your heart.

I give you my love in the hope that one day someone on this earth will think me worthy of the same.

29OCT2019

Broken souls make broken skin - a visual confirmation that the pain inside is real.

The sting of the blade dulls the ache of the tears - matching the outside to the inside - a comfort to sanity in a time of tenuous stability.

It’s not about dying. It’s about peace. It’s about remembering the storm you survived and knowing you are strong enough to do it again.

I fell in love with your shadows - the pain dripping from your voice.

My darkness calls out to yours - matching scars of trauma long entombed.

I yearn to hold you when you cry out at night. I wake from my nightmares and look for your face.

I have searched my whole life for the understanding I see when you look at me.

Is it justice, then, that I can never be yours?

25OCT2019

I lie beneath the tides and pray for the waves to wash me away. But they do not.

I’m stuck - anchored to the sand by the weight of my sins. My responsibilities are my penance.

I call out for help in my misery but no one can hear. My tears are dissolved; insignificant in the sea of saltwater all around me.

Here is where I will wait- a prison of my own design- the bars forged of loneliness and sorrow; guilt and debt - yearning for the day when you will pull me out to the blissful peace of the deep.

23OCT2019