Last year I was reckless.
I catapulted into the deep-end
headfirst.

No waiting at the shore
No wading in the water
Only a sprint to the furthest end of the sea.

I soon began exchanging
pieces of me as currency
to buy more time afloat
my sleep;
my mind;
my sanity.

I thought I was resolute
but this was all too much
Titanic
I was drowning.

Then there you were...
you and your raft
ready to take me home.  

It was then that I realized
that none have ever really loved me
before you <3

Writing for me
is a process in invention;
the development of ideas

I like to wander around in it
then finally stumble into it,
as I now become my pen

Writing for me…
tangles, shapes,
transforms, and shares

It is magic;
a tool for discoveries
a way to connect with,
act upon, and making meaning of my world.

Today you will havest the sun ☼
and let its light guide you down the aisle
your skin bright
& glowing
with a hue of forever

Today you will bathe in infinity,
whisper it into your vows
& stain it endlessly into your lips

You see
beautiful bride ❣
this moment
has been bursting at its seams,
eagerly waiting to start the rest of your life ♥

                                    with love,
                                    your bridesmaid

Today I thought about
writing a poem explaining
my greatest fear

of how...
when you’re madly in love
there is always a gnawing thought
that you may one day wake up
to his bags packed
saying he has clarity
that you are not enough

then I realized
any woman who has ever loved
would already understand.

This is the 2nd night this week
i've been sleeping with our memories
and waking to breadcrumbs
pulling me back

I remember the faint sound
           of orange
                and bacon bits

When we were at our best

I remember your half-written songs
hidden in places I would later find
I searched for meaning in your verses
only to be laying next to your silence

I watched you moved in retrograde
I saw your pain
           the demons
                the collapse
in your eyes

Now it’s been years
and there is nothing left
yet I feel myself reaching for you
in a different timeline

My grief is unrelenting
it’s crushing in its weight
you’re standing right in front of me
but you move in retrograde

It’s been three months since you confessed
that you don’t love me anymore
you left me drowning in my sadness
as I cried on the bathroom floor

I want to say I won’t keep trying
that I will grow around the void you left
but mom, it’s your illness talking
and I can’t fault you for that

Just please don’t start too big of a fire
that the whole bridge comes burning down
because once there’s only ashes
there is no way to walk on back