Behind my smile lie my fears

Behind those laughs I hide my tears

I'm one of those you call fake

And the more I go the more I ache


I have a dark secret I cannot tell

Sometimes it feels like a wizard's spell

I've been told it's not my fault

How could I know it was assault?

How would you expect that from your father?

But dear laiba why wouldn't you know?

He ***** your mum infront of you remember

He showed you videos. 

You **** remember that clearly 

You did what he said.


I still see him everywhere

Why is that? It's so unfair

He took away my innocence

He forced me into silence

Told me I deserved to die 

Said children like me need pain.

Said I was ugly and reordered every minute of me crying about it.


They say I should forgive

But he's made my life hard to live

I see him in my dreams

I hope he can hear my screams

I hope he can hear my innocence telling him I love him and "daddy can we draw after"

"Daddy your my superhero"



It isn't fair that he's free

He ruined my life the day he molested me

I try to move forward

But it's as if I'm anchored

Held back by this voice saying I don't deserve to live.

Let me go I say let me go

But the voice repeats back I dare you to try.

It's his voice..


I'm trying real hard

But still I'm so scarred

I try to hide my pain

Even though it drives me insane

I try my best but how much can I take 

Until it destroys me

To anyone reading this please save me from me.


To you I may seem happy

But deep inside I'm really angry

Because behind my smile lie my fears

Because behind those laughs I hide my tears

I'm the one you call fake

Some days I just wish people knew how much I ache.

How tired I am 

And how much my mind puts me through

an August rich with wanting
in September my leaves changed colors
and I fell into madness.

Did I invent love?
Or, is he the one who invented this love?
Why am I tormented by manufacturing this torment?
   This anguish, this pain, this love; which grows.
If we are made in his image,
   why do I suffer this heartbreak?
If he is loving and true,
   why does he not free me from your spell?
            - It hurts

I start a thousand stories and never come close to finishing them
I open a page to write a poem and discard it quickly
Aye am very bored all the time
Eye have no idea what to do anymore, so eye breathe in the
Eyre all around me
I'm a little fish in a bowl
Fishy fishy fish
G.
lass
g l a s s
bubblewater.

I can hear the grunt of a mighty bull  inside my mild mind, often.