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Maddie Cribbs Jan 2019
If I knew the last time I saw you
would be the last time I held you,
I would've grasped
a little tighter.
Maddie Cribbs Jan 2019
Self deprecation;
        a constant cycle of negative connotation.
Losing all concentration,
       where medication became an obligation.

Diagnosed;
          anxiety and depression.
Thoughts of contemplation,
I sit back, proud of my progression.

Years in the book;
       broken and used.
Stole back my dignity they took,
         sick and tired of the abuse.

No self-worth, I believed.
      Drowning alone;
No meaning, I deceived.

To feel alive,
     I wondered, 'how does it feel?'
Would I thrive?
    Or would I need heal?

Today I stand tall and strong,
       head held higher than the clouds above.
Preaching to others they belong,
       knowing how it feels lacking self-love.

Better now, with one goal in mind;
      Walking the broken through the storm.
All it takes is to be kind.

As the rain pours,
      drenched I'll be,
instead of indoors,
        hiding from reality.

Seventeen; that I am,
      ready to conquer any war
and that in between
          down to the core.

Off to college,
        leaving the past behind;
gaining new knowledge,
        attempting to fix mankind.

Proud of who I became,
      preaching positivity.
Not in search of fame,
      but in search of change.

In and out of highs and lows,
     coffee in my hand;
Dreaming of a world of love and peace.
       Here I stand,
              A Masterpiece.
Maddie Cribbs Jan 2019
Black wall,
                   dividing us all.
My hands outstretched,
                    hoping you'd call.

Living in a daydream,
                protected and loved.
Here I am now, seventeen;
                             still unloved.

Why can't I reach you?
Dad,
           Why?

Through this black wall,
                  I may not be able to see you
but I can still smell the alcohol
                   of abuse through this deja vu.

My eyes yet closed,
                 daydream gone away;
Vivid memories imposed,
                 every Tuesday and Thursday.

Images I cannot conceal
                                  of hands imprinted within.
Hitting rock bottom;
                              since then, I've been pinned.
Maddie Cribbs Jan 2019
Late night coffee,
with night time tears.
The touch to my body;
                    I disappear.

The coffee is spilt;
                    skin dented of fear.
Mental breakdown,
you are not welcomed here.

Hands clenched;
                                     intertwined with the sheets.
I lay silently
in the late night coffee,
               drowning within.

Constantly told,
                        this life is worth living.
That I troubled to hold,
                           sitting in my own prison.

I have my highs and my lows;
from I'm doing good, to
No one knows.

Wondering am I worth it?
No.
What's my purpose?
No.
On the road I go.

Too weak to carry on;
                          Razor to skin.
"**** yourself,"
                          lingered on in.

Ready to go,
                              God lifted the blade.
Slid down on the tiles,
                    "Forever," I prayed.
Maddie Cribbs Dec 2017
You broke me,
you truly did.

You left me with scars,
mental scars
that will forever haunt me.

No matter what good
comes into my life
you will ruin it.

You will be there,
screaming,
screeching,
and worst of all,
killing me.

I think of you ever single day
no matter how hard
I try to forget.

You beat me,
you tear me apart;
my mind
and my soul are too weak
to fight back.

You left the everlasting memory
that ruins all good
in my life.

So as I say sarcastically,
wanting to hit
and to scream,
I say,
thank you.

Thank you,
for ruining my life.

Yours truly,
your daughter
Maddie Cribbs Dec 2017
One text
One glance
One hug
One kiss

Then you were mine
and I was yours.
In your arms,
I was home,
safe and sound.

But you lost the meaning of love;
slowly letting me go;
drifting apart.

You,
my love,
my pride,
my happiness

please don’t go
Maddie Cribbs Dec 2017
Am I a door, who's lock is broken,
who's hinges are loose?
I'm being swung open and closed,
Swung open and closed again and again.

My hinges are rusted,
I have scratches and kicked-in holes,
My **** is about to be broken off.
Next I know, I'll be ripped off of my beautiful loosely rusted hinges and thrown into the roach-filled dumpster.

But I was put there for a purpose.
To open myself up and let those in who were in need of help.
And those people have ******* me over multiple times.
But that was my purpose.

My loose, rusted hinges
held on
no matter how many times I was slammed or kicked
because that’s what I was made for.
To help others,
no matter how broken they made me
I held on ,
and I kept my purpose.
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