I am not alone.

but I am sitting here with no company to keep
and so I feel lonely

I am not ugly.

but still I stare at this reflection as if it will change
and so I don't feel all that pretty

I am not stupid.

but here I am questioning what the hell is wrong with me
and so I feel inferior

I am not crazy.

but here I am.
and again.

I am questioning everything that is me

from the fabric I am wearing to the very fabric of my being
I am laying powder and sprouting mountains

I am surrounding myself with negativity
and somehow I am feeling so alive when I know I shouldn't be

I am not happy.

and I can say everything that I am not
but I can not figure out what I am feeling

I am not okay.

But my heart is beating
and so I keep trying

I've been questioning
Our love
I've lost what it means
I want to find the source
But you messed up
And I get it
Its hard to wait
But aren't I worth waiting for
Its a selfish thing
To break someone's heart
To scar them
And ruin their future in a way
By making them fearful
Of the fall
Because the crash they've had

I wake up each morning
Earlier than usual
So I could talk with you
About anything
We could talk for days
And end up covering just a few topics

You tell me about how things are going
I give you advice
I tell you about how things are flowing
You say that's nice
I asked you about
That one night
What if
And you think it was right
What actually happened
You ask me how I see us in the future
I say I see eternity
You hope that's where we're going
And I agree