I’ve recently had to learn a lot about
myself— the kinds of things you wish you could never learn about yourself— how far your strength goes and the point where your mind snaps— .......i never
wanted to find the bottom of my strength—
every day with a forced smile
of course I can make your problem go away
i can fix anything in the blink of an eye
don’t worry it’s ok
i understand-i empathize-i know what you are feeling
- - - but every time I say those things it digs a little deeper
when I patch your hole I find my strings unraveling

this is exhausting

i shouldn't have to explain

justify even

why something makes me uncomfortable


she likes you
you said so yourself
she flirts
she teases and toys with her hair
and im paranoid

ive been so calm
Collected
but this is too much
im tired

paranoid?
me?
because i have eyes??

im going to sleep
too tired for this *******

My hair is as curvy
as my body.
Today I straightened
everything out.
I don't think straight suits me

When you are born
with hair this wild
you shouldn't ever
try to tame it.
Do what comes naturally

There is no point
in trying to straighten
something that was meant
to be anything but.
As long as it is you

I say: Do It

When I'm happy I can't write
not that I am a great writer when I'm sad
I just can't write at all when I'm completely happy

I'm not saying that inspiration comes from sadness or depression
but it's a lot easier to concentrate
when the things around me
hold no meaning

My favorite poems
Are a combination of intense sadness and ones that celebrate
the glorious nature of the universe
Emerson is my religion

my head is throbbing
a line that feels like raw nerves
is running behind my right eye

Everyone is having allergy issues now
but this feels different
noise makes me sick

is there an allergy to music?
some intense lack of soul?
maybe I don't have one

My lover is singing off key
in my too small shower
that's the only sound that doesn't hurt

The band downstairs still *****
they play non stop
But never improve

What is the difference between dissonance and cacophony?
I can't remember. They make me queasy

Even my cat is being extra nice today.
like he knows I feel wrong
Cat nurses are the best

I shouldn't be like this

My life is picking up
Great new job
I'm about to graduate
A loving relationship
The coolest cat ever
I shouldn't be like this

Getting back in shape
Eating right
Making new friends
Getting everything situated
Might've even found a good house
I shouldn't feel this way

I don't feel like I lost someone
Like I'm broken
Or aching
I just... Feel.... Bad
Like I'm a bad person
Who should be happy but can't

It isn't always
Most of the time I am satisfied
I am happy
At peace with my life
Overjoyed in fact
But some days...

When I spend too much time alone,
and lately that's all the time,
I can't fight the shadows;
the feelings that creep into my sunshine
And say "you don't deserve to be happy"
But I really want to be

I've been lying on the couch for an hour.
The drink beside me
covered in beads of condensation.
I should've done something today.

I have been avoiding life.
sometimes i can't even get out of bed.
I'm losing a battle.
have i even eaten today?

eh... there's cold pizza in the fridge...
if i can make myself get up.
Not worth it.
Oh. is it nap time again?

I need to be myself.
Focus. Death shouldn't impact me this way.
I have been grieving too long.
But this hurts too much to handle.