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Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
i am me, simple and steady,
i am me, not needed.
dead inside, complex in the mind.

no one ever cared, no one ever wondered.
i was always alone, in my mind, in my soul.
my words never reached anyone.

i am me, no one.
just one that was none,
always and forever no one.

in a complex and steady kind of way,
no one until time has its say...

no one are the words that are in display,

NO ONE....
me in every way
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
I wont ask, to follow.
I wont ask, to stay.
I wont ask, to hold.
I may not ask to breath,
For all that i am.

I am a sinner,
A hater,
A human,
A body of flesh and bone.

For all that i am,
Is incomplete,
Imperfect,
A dark hole,
Of nothing but,
Emptyness.

I wont ask...

To make me whole,
To see my words,
Read my words,
Of sorrow,
Guild,
Pain,
Suffering.

I wont ask...

To see me as i am.

A human.

I wont ask....
Its hard to be understood, its hard to say how and what you are.
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
He gave me strength,
He gave me might,
He gave me freedom,

How i didn't listen,
How i didn't follow,
How i failed,

Still forgiven,
Still saved,
Still living to make amends,
Still breathing to follow,

O how i was so wrong,
O how i was so blind,
The Lord forsake my soul...

A bleeding heart could only,
Mend for all the love that was and still,
Its getting.

He gave me,
Might,
Strength,
Love...
Sometimes you take Gods Words for granted and at the end of the day you
see his light.
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
Tears of a sad man,
How i sit here crying, never ending in my pain.
Always wondering why?
Why am i so different.
Why cant i be normal.
Normal such a strong word,
In the eyes of a simple person,
Such a death sentence in the eyes of an
Unknown...

How i try so hard to be normal.
How hard i try to see past my faulths.

To see pass my inability to change, this wrecked form.

How i cry here wondering, again,
WHY!!

God give me strength to pass this pain,
This broken piece of soul,
Mend it back.

Tears of a sad man is forever lost...

How they fall down this wreched face,
Displaced and never seen.

How my soul bleeds, craving for a want, craving for a need.

When will my soul be free...

Tears
Of
A
Sad
Man
..........
Its about me, how i strugle with everyday life
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
Cry
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
Something dies?
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
Something ends in side you.
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
You get numb.

I always wonder, why the stinch off death
Wavers over my heart, when i cry.
And that is why i wonder why it dies, ends and i feel numb.

Knowing very well i am, my own judge
And executoner.
Sadness
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
How i sit here wondering why?
How i sit here wondering when?
Will this all end...
A dark place where you wish, you were dead.
An open hole in your heart,
that is not getting filled up.
Just hurting,
Just bleeding,
Just there with nothing to fill it with.
How i wonder when, my time will come,
How i wonder why it cant come now.
A sad state of mind,
where no wall i climb leads to an exit.
Where no path leads to a success.

Dark place where, your mind is a maze
To which there is no escape...
i was feeling pretty worn out and pretty much lost, i bundled  all my thoughts and just started writing.
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
My guild is my own, and for that i must atone.
For no man or woman can heal the wounds inflicted on ones own.

I accepted my demise and so prayed to the Lord, as we all would do when faith is the only thing holding us ,through and tbrough, to this crooked world we see as our own.
We could never dispell the sins we have commited, for my self am a sinners who is now commited to guild and sorrow, on my own...

I long for the days to end and bring me a better tomorrow, and now i sit here and cry, wondering why my life felt so empty, it was i myself who dug my own hole, and pushed my self in to the cold, never to get hurt again, not knowing the pain that soon would follow and now i am here in this pit,
Of my own guild and sorrow.....
i was feeling a bit down so i wrote from what my heart was feeling.

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