I am filled with uncertainty
It grabs
            me,          attacks me.
It kills me sometimes.

i told my mum about you
because i really thought you and i
could be.

I felt it
The cold and warm breeze on my skin
As he spoke
Words that made my heartbeat quicken
The resonating vibrations of his voice
It flowed through me
Cascading down
Melting my icicle heart
And along with it, my fears,
And all my walls of insecurities
Are broken down
A cataclysmic shift
My mind now adrift
Consciously, yet cautiously searching
Looking to merge with his
Melted ice
Broken walls
All give way.
His words
They vibrates through me,
Opening me up from within
Yes, I felt it.

This love for you
Is floating above me

No chance
Of me
Pulling it
Back
Down

Is a poet still a poet
If they do not write?

A journal gathering dust,
But a yearning to write.
Am I still a poet
Without my inner light?

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.