Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep at night.
Having dreams of happiness this I will never find.
Worlds come to life under a blanket of night.
A tragic reality I will never reach.
Excuse me while I apologize for living,
Because I don't feel as if I have a right
To breathe the same air as you.
Slow shaky breaths are all I get.
Excuse me while I turn everything I touch
To ruins.
Gifted with the wrong Midas touch.
Excuse me while I write these words
Knowing that I will be the only one to read them.
Beating my head against a wall for all the ways I
Said I was okay, when I wasn't.
Excuse me while I silently **** myself
Because I'm scared of going back to the
Hospital and speaking up. Not
Because of what people would say but,
Because I can't bear to see that
Look in your eyes again.
The look of wasted money.
Excuse me while I waste my life writing
Poems that will change nothing.
Powerful words that impact you
Only as far as to shake your head and say,
"That's true, something should be done."
Excuse me while I listen to your advice that should fix
Me but only shreds me open more.
Excuse me while I do nothing and everything
Wrong.
Excuse me while I **** you off
With my general existence because you
Can't see what's wrong with me.
Excuse me while I do the best that I can.
Excuse me while I let your words rule my life
And rip my self esteem to pieces.
Excuse me while I shatter my dreams
Of wearing a sleeveless dress with a razor.
Excuse me while I implode on my thoughts,
Shoving them down because of the simple
Fact that I don't want to bother you.
Excuse me?
No. *****.
Excuse yourself.

Depression doesn't care
What your responsibilities are,
It doesn't care
That you have exams to do.
Depression doesn't care
That today is your sixteenth birthday,
Or mother's day
Or Christmas.
Depression doesn't care
If your family is "well off"
That you have plenty of friends
It doesn't care if your parents are happily married.
Depression doesn't care
If you've never had a traumatic event
It doesn't care.
Because depression isn't made of circumstance
Not from broken families, abuse
Poor grades or ****** friends.
It comes from chemicals deep in your brain.
It takes whatever life it happens to have
And rips it to shreds.
It leaves you broken and empty.
It is not your fault
And there's no way to hide yourself
Behind happiness and a good life.
Depression will destroy it all.
Because it just
Doesn't
Care.

It's an hour after school.
The halls are empty.
The school sighs and shakes his head.
"I wish I could help more."
"Just not enough evidence."
The school says "please,
Come to us if you need help."
"I'm being bullied" the teens cry.
"You said ask for help"
"Here look, my wrists are bleeding."
"You don't hear what they say?"
"I know you do."
The school sighs and shakes his head.
"Just not enough evidence."
Next day.
Breaking news.
'Teenager kills herself due to bullying.'
"This is a tragedy."
"Please, I encourage you."
"Come to us if you need help."
A teenager comes to the school.
The school sighs and shakes his head.
"Just not enough evidence."

Are we destined to do this forever?
A cat and mouse game of
'Come to us.'
'Sorry not enough evidence.'
The scars up and down my arms,
The rising suicide attempts associated with bullying,
Isn't proof enough?
The attendance drops,
The friend loss.
Doesn't speak for itself?
Teens with tear stained eyes and
'Scratched by my cat' arms.
Making friends with counselors.
Because their office is a safe house.
Safe from the wars of popularity and
"I'm cool, you're not."
Who gets to decide when all of
This.
Actually get counted
As evidence.
I certainly hope it's not you.
Because if it is you.
You're killing us all.

I used to think
I built walls to keep people out,
But then I realized there wasn't even
Anybody to let it.

I am not a graceful person
I am not a sunday morning or
A friday sunset. I am a tuesday
2 a.m. I am gunshots muffled by a
Few city blocks, I am a broken window
During February. My bones crack on
A nightly basis. I fall from elegance with
A dull thud, and I apologize for my
Awkward sadness. I sometimes believe
That I don't belong around people, that I
Belong to all the leaps days that didn't happen.
The way light and darkness mix under my skin
Has become a storm.
You don't see the lightning,
But you hear the
Echoes.

How many times do
My veins have to
Tell you I'm not
Okay?
A secret language written
With metal on skin.
A language you claim
To speak.
Why can't you hear me?
How many times does
A life have to end
Unexpectedly
Until you open your eyes?
A strange suffering that
Exists only in your mind.
Can no one help?
Will no one help?

I ache for the sun.
I ache for the warmth to reach my bones,
And dispel the depression that grows there.
I ache for happiness to shove through my veins
And reach into my corrupt mind.
I ache to be saved,
From myself.

He was a lonely person.
With so many words he
Can't fathom into sentences.
He would sigh and lay
His head down. So many
Words scream and shove all
Competing for a chance
To be on paper. Waterfalls
Of letters crush out darkness that
Pleads "Write Me". Vines of
Complicated words tango with
Useless 'fillers'.
Haiku's battle with sonnets,
Crashing against mountain of
Free verse. Winged poems like
Guardian angels thrash against
The dead hands of past poems.
Casting them back to where they belong.
Forgotten,
Against the whiteness of paper.

You yelled about my grades.
My fresh cuts,
My sleep schedule.
My eating habits and my
Mood.
But never once have you asked
Me.
Why,
My grades are slipping.
And you never asked
Why,
I took the blade to my skin.
I used to think it was because
You didn't care.
But now I know,
It's because you didn't want to hear me say,
It's your fault.

No wonder you're all sad.
They've stolen your childhood and replaced it
With homework and grades. They don't
Let you dream any more, they crush it
With the pressures to be mediocre yet
Pretend they want greatness from you.
That is wrong.
That is so wrong.