I wanted to call you
But I know you don’t want to hear from me

You say you’re always “straight up”
And “you’ll see me in December”

I wanted to hurt you
But I know I don’t matter enough for you to feel me.

You say you “really like me”
And “you wish your mindset was different”

I want you
But I know it’s a mistake

Every thought runs through my eyes
He reads my face
And repeats back my biggest fears to me loud and clear
“Yes I can tell your lost”
“Yes I know I’m perfect for you but you’re too afraid”
“Yes your ******* this up”

Takes the reigns right from my hands unbothered and leaves me shaking in the passenger seat.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been damaged
Sad eyes that only appear more beautiful with a glassy film of tears.

For as long as I can remember it’s been difficult for me to love or be loved.
I always feel so close to many but never truly connected to one

For as long as I can remember I’ve been disappointing
To myself who is never satisfied until I’m writhing in pain

But even then,  I’m breathless.