Hello Daisies

Hello Daisies May 2023

I'm angry
I'm so angry
I never let it out
I never try to shout
I only pout

I'm so full of rage
I've locked it in a cage
I never let it play
I never let it see day
It scares me
How far I could
Make you bleed

I want to hurt
Everyone
Who hurt
Me
Who took advantage
Of my childhood
Who abandoned
My sincerity
I would do anything
I would break my bones
For so many
But I can't even get
The bare minimum
I can't even get a penny
Of love
Of laughter
Of anything
But disaster
It makes me angry
Deep inside
But I let it hide

I've grown strong
So they say
Little do they know
I've always been
This way
Strong
Never breaking loose
Never trying the noose
I don't want it
I don't want strength
I want to be released
I want peace
I want
To be heard
I want
To understand
Why
Why
WHY
I would let myself
Die
To be there
To show
I really care

But nobody
Nobody
Would care
Care
Nobody's there
Nobody is
Ever
*******
There

I'm angry
I'm livid
I'm tired of living
A lie
That I'm fine
I'm sick inside
Don't ask me why
Like you can't imagine
*******
******* all
I'm tired of wanting
To bawl
My eyes out
*******
I hope you all
Burn
I hope you all turn
Your stomachs
Reading this
I hope I find
Bliss
I
Hope
I never miss
Any of you
I am so *******
Angry
I want to punish
All of you
For hurting me
As a child
As a teenager
As a women
As a human
I deserve
Better
I deserve
To let me loose
To let me choose
To be free
To be angry
To be understood
To be ******* heard
I deserve someone
Who cares
Not the ******* bare
Minimum
I'm tired of begging
getting nothing
I'm tired of hugging
All my enemies
Of being sweet
And loving
Of being mocked
And crying
I want revenge
I want to vent
I want to let
The cage open
I want to break glass
I want to see them
Fall on their ***
I want to smash
Every single
Throat
That ever
Let me go
To such dark
Places in my soul
There's such a hole
Of anger
Of danger
I can't let free
*** I would hurt
Everybody
I would hurt myself
It would never end
My hell

I just want to scream
Scream
Scream
******* SCREAM
I want someone to SEE
I WANT THEN TO HEAR
AND BEWARE
of me
Beware
If I ever dare
To release my
Inner terror

Be ******* ware

#anger #pain #hurt

Hello Daisies May 2023

Crayons

I had a dream
It's coming back in flashes
Making me cry
Making me wonder why

We were crayons
We were being used
By someone else
Acting out a scene
A broken romance scene
Of us
But everyone around
Was tired
Of us
I was blue wrapper
I was attached to you
You were red
You made me feel
Dead

I wouldn't
I wouldn't
Let go
I was blue
Attached to you
again
You were red
You were
So
Red

We were crayons
I think
Because of how childish
I was
To ever believe
Ever believe
I could trust anyone
Faithfully

I could ever trust
Anyone
With my innocence
We were crayons
In my mind
To represent
The childish fun
We had
The innocence
Of my mind
Thinking you'd never
Leave me behind

It's flashing
Flashing
Red
Flashing
Flashing
I'm blue
Still attached to you
Still attached
To
You
Everything
You do
I'm wrapped
Around
You
My whole life

Crumbling
Like a broken crayon
All my friends up
And ran
I have nobody
Alone
Like I used to be
A sad child
Crying out
For sincerity
Always blue
Leached onto
You
You took it all
I'm still wrapped
Around your burning
Flaming
Firey
Hell
I never fell
Off
I still cling

To everything
I'm missing
You stole it
You broke it

I'm just the wrapper
Trying to cling
To anything
nobody wants
Just the wrapper
They want the color
They want to smother
Their paper
In red
And leave the blue
The darkest of blues
To stew
Alone
Like the ocean
So much blue
so quiet
All alone

Always trying
To swim
My way
Back to you

the flashing
Flashing
Red
We had
I'm flashing
Flashing
blue
In my mind
Always still
Attached to
You

#dream #lost #love #trauma

Hello Daisies May 2023

Trumpets

I can feel it
I can breathe it
You're right there
We're right there
In that moment
At that concert
Breathing that air
I can feel it
I can see it
I'm there
I'm there
The trumpets playing
The music swaying
I'm there
I'm there
You're there
You're there

I can feel it
I can see it
I can breathe it
That moment
I'm there
We're outside
The gas station
I give you a stare
I remember it
I'm there
Telling myself
You're forever
I feel it
In my heart
It's so *******
Sharp

You're my muse
You're my pain
I forget sometimes
How sick I really am
Til I let you in
I purposely let you
Win
I let it in with a grin
The pain
The strain
I can feel my heart actually
Crawl into a ball
As I remember it all
As if I was there
Like I almost enjoy it
You were the most real thing
I ever felt
It was amazing
Now it's
Blazing
Pain
In every way

You're my muse
You're my cue
To the deepest
Darkest parts
Of living
I can feel you
Breathing
In my heart
Falling apart
Have you ever
Cried so hard
You puked
Have you ever felt so hard
You were in that scene
Again
Reliving it all
With that friend
Terrorized
By the size
Of pain
Terrorized by
The love
Of pain
How I love
To regain
You

I'm sick
I'm sick
It's a conflict
I hate it
I hate it
Yet I relive it
With the sound of trumpets
I let it in
I let it win
You're my muse
You're my cue
To hurt

Is it really my fault
Can I really ask for help
How can I ever begin to explain
When I can relive the pain
Because the air outside
Reminds me of you
The air outside
The way it breathes against my skin
The way the warm meets the cold
The way the lights shimmer
The way
It hits my face
The warm yet brisk night
Against the light
Reminds me of you
Standing there
Running to me
Looking across at me
Standing next to me
In that line
On that late night
Excited for the concert
Eager for the moment
I'm there
I'm there
You're right there
In that warm air
Forgetting my keys from the car
Looking at the building from afar
I'm there I'm there
I can feel you in my air
Every sound
Every move
Every breathe
Every word spoken
Is mute
Yet I can feel
What I felt
It makes my stomach
Melt
It makes my stomach
Turn
It makes me yearn
For something
A fix
For more
So I go to score
I put the trumpets back on
listen to that song
Now I'm really there
And you are everywhere
The real world is gone
I don't care
Because I'm there
I'm there
With you
I want to puke
From the pain
So let me regain
My thoughts
Let me go deeper
Into the pain

The air
The way the lights glow
In the night
That makes it feel
As if not real
All the memories flood
At once
With you
In this weather tonight
I can't begin
To get better
If I can relive
Your every letter
From the air
On a random
Summer night
It's not fair
It's not fair

I know I'm sick
But how can I begin
To get better
When I want to die
From the pain
But I love to relive
The pain
At the same time
All because of one trumpet
One beautiful night

How can I
How
Tell me
Why I'm there
Right now
Right now
With you
Let me out
Or don't
Idk anymore

I do know
You're there
And you're smiling
But here I am
I'm crying
It's not
Fair

#trauma #heartbreak

Hello Daisies May 2023

Everything inside

They say to stop being sad
About the same thing
Now I'm sad about everything
Maybe I don't know a good thing
Til it's gone
So I try to hold on
To everything
Everything

My head is screaming
It's screaming to tear apart
My heart
If I don't let it out
It'll continue to shout
Inside my head
Inside my head
Screaming
Screaming
Not for death?
Then for what
For what

Nobody believes me
Nobody sees me
Nobody hears me
They think I'm ok
I just have too much to say
Too much to say
In a day
They ask
How can I be sick?
You look ok
It makes me sick
They think that way

They say to stop being sad
About the same thing
Now I'm sad about everything
Maybe I don't know a good thing
Til it's gone
So I try to hold on
To everything
Everything

Nobody sees
*** they don't want to believe
I'm not cutting myself
I'm not drugging myself
I'm not killing myself
So I must be ok

It's simply not that way

I've heard it my entire life
I've been ignored
Told I'm fine
Professionals and
Family
They don't know
How they've
****** me
To screaming
Inside my head
Screaming
It won't stop
Til I let it out

This is my healing
My art
Just like me
It's torn apart
Ignored
Tortured
For truth
Tortured
For attention
Never to mention

How badly
How strongly
I fight
The urge
Every night
To drink myself to death
To try something crazy
To throw myself from the ledge
Maybe a needle would help
Maybe the guilt
Wouldnt be felt
Maybe I can be dealt
with
I try every day
As I tear my skin away
To be okay
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not *******
Okay
I'm insane
I know this
I rationalize this
But it's not
Bliss
It's not easy
Nothing can please me
The screaming
Keeps coming
Until it's quiet

When it's quiet
I'm sad
But I'm quiet
I'm alone
I'm in bed
Stuck to my phone
Empty
Empty

Nobody gets me
....

They say to stop being sad
About the same thing
Now I'm sad about everything
Maybe I don't know a good thing
Til it's gone
So I try to hold on
To everything
Everything

The screaming comes
I then become
Annoying
Crying
Buying
Lying
Dying
Until
I write
I write
It needs to be let out
I feel I never
let the deepest parts
Out
The right way
The right way
How can I say it
I'm paying for it
The lies I tell
The way I held
Myself up
I'm just a silly
Goofy
Eccentric nuisance
I don't need help
I don't need felt
Listened to
Heard
I can be
Ignored
It's in me
Swirling all around me
Tearing apart my body
I want to scream
I want to run away
I'm always running
Running
I hate running
What am I running to?
Sometimes I think
Death
But I'm terrified
Of nothingness
I want to release
Open my flesh
Cut me
Shoot me
Gun me
Let me misbehave
Let me show you
The cave
I live in
The maniac
I fight
I am not winning
I'm not sinning
I'm only leaning
Closer
Closer
Closer to
Pure insanity
I fight so hard
I get no credit
Because I never let it
Show
Never let it
Show
I never let it
Go
Never can
I let everything
Strand
Me
Hurt me
And I keep it
I hold it
I don't know a good thing
Til it's gone
So I hold on
To everything
But it's wrong
Some things
Are bad
Bad
Bad
I'm going
Mad mad
Mad
From the screaming
But nobody's listening
Maybe I should run
Maybe I should cut
Maybe I should fill my gut
With poison
Give me one reason
Why
Why
If I don't try to die
Die
Die
Nobody listens to me
Cry
Cry
Cry

They say to stop being sad
About the same thing
Now I'm sad about everything
Maybe I don't know a good thing
Til it's gone
So I try to hold on
To everything
Everything

How can I let go
Let go
How can I show
Show
The pain inside
The reasons I cry
Without hurting myself
Without losing myself
Without
All this hell ?

Can anybody tell
...
Maybe they can
They just...

Don't care

#depression #sad #lost

Hello Daisies May 2023

It's okay darling

For years
And years
I blamed
Me
For forever
I hated me
It felt like an eternity

I'm still healing
I have been growing
I feel maturity
I feel less
Insecurities
I'm realizing
For the first time
It's okay

It's okay
It's okay
I misbehaved
It's okay
It's okay
I felt that way
It's **** okay
But it's still a shame

I'm not to blame
I wasn't untamed
I was a child
I wasn't wild
I was alone
I was crying
For attention
Crying
For affection
I was
Always
*******
Crying
Til it left me
Broken
Dying

I been hurting
I been broken
Never healed
Only blamed
Myself
Left in guilt
Disgust
Mistrust

But
It's okay
It's okay
To feel that way
It's okay
It's **** okay
But what a shame

To blame a child
For being touched
To blame a child
Who thought she could trust
To blame a child
For not knowing love
What a shame
I became
To myself
Blaming
Blaming
Swallowed in guilt

Everyone
Blaming
Blaming
So I let them
Be right
I let them win the fight
Lose my might
Never say no
Never let go
Hate myself
Bury bury
Never grow
Let my passion
Go

It's okay
It's okay
To say
I wasn't to blame
It's okay
It's okay
To say
It shouldn't have been that way
I regret
So much
To let you touch
Me
To be so alone
I let you
Hurt me
Inside my bones
But
It's okay
I didn't know better
It's okay
It's okay to
Let it go
To forgive me
And to be ******* angry
About it
It's okay
It's okay
But it's a ****
******* shame
I lost me
I lost all of my childhood
I blocked so many memories
I became a sad vicious story
I was nothing
Not me
Not you
I was nothing
But guilt
I had built
Towers
Of magic
Towers
So strategic
Towers
To hide
*** I never felt
Okay
Living that way

Now I want to say
To myself
To that little girl
So ashamed
So alone
So afraid
It's okay
It's okay
To feel that way
It's okay
It's okay
I know it's a shame
You're not to blame
It's okay
Darling
It's really okay

Let it go
Be angry
And never forget
You're valid
And it's *******
Okay

#life #trauma #growth

Hello Daisies Apr 2023

Make magic

Breathe breathe
Let the calming music
Take you in
Let yourself grin

Feel the light
The nostalgia
The childhood innocence
The laughter
For here after

Remember the past
remember the good times
Not just that darkness
Remember
The happy
Times
They are there
They are everywhere

Maybe some memories
Once happy
Still hurt too much
Move on
To happier ones
A time before
Your heart tore

Smile today
Smile and play
Life has a way
Of making us sway
Into complete
Chaos
So take time
To release
Take time to
Feel at ease

Some memories
Have a hold on me
They make me feel
A way I can't explain
I can touch them still
Feel then on my back
Feel the air, the walls,
Every crack
It was such a special time
The perfect crime
It's over now
It hurts
But remember
It was once happy
The best days of my life
So make more
Of those
Days
Make more times
To play
A special place to
Stay
For later
When I feel alone
I can look inside
And find a home
Make those memories
Make that magic
Breathe the air
That gives you life
Feel it in every bone
Make it special
Make it known
Love loud
Love proud
Don't ever
Ever
Let this life
Keep you down
❤️

#hope #life

Hello Daisies Apr 2023

True friend

As a child
I'd look up
Look to the stars
The night sky
I felt so high
I felt a home
Hope
A special glimmer

I forgot to look
As I grew
I lost a sense
I lost my friends
I lost the sky

I try to look again
I try to see my friend
The stars I loved
The glimmer I hugged
They are lies
They are false
They are gone
Someone else

Almost giving in
Almost giving up
I look over
I remember
My one true love
The moon has me
The moon saves me
The moon is real
It makes me feel

You can't take her
You can't have it
If you tell me it's a lie
I'll always deny
It's the last glimmer
All I hold onto

I need to believe
I need to see
The moon is real
It helps me heal
I'll look into her
I'll smile again
Take a deep breath
release my pain

If the moon goes
I go
They've taken
My snow
They've taken
Almost all
I know
I shall never
Let this go
This is how
I'll grow
I'll glimmer
I'll shimmer
I'll shine
With hope
So divine
It's mine
I can share
The beautiful glare
On my face
To all
*** the moon
Is beautiful
And for everyone
With a heart
For everyone
With hope
Hold onto her
And look up
Give her a glare
Take a moment
To stare
Breathe it in

Let the moon win
Let the moon
Give me hope
It's barely there
But for moments
I feel her
My one true friend
Letting me in

#moon #sky #hope