Blood rush
From my heart
To my face
Like running a race

People i pass
Fast like a blur
Some faces i notice longer
Some make me somber

I try to hold it all in
Running down this track
I went a different way
At times i start to sway

I want to fall over
This race is nonsense
My face is dripping sweat
I'm beginning to fret

People boo me from afar
It makes me go slower
Some cheer me on
Helps me struggle along

Is this race worth winning
Or do i simply want reach the end
It's going by so fast
I'm afraid I'll come in last

When I say
that you are my Sun,
I don’t mean that you are
Luminous,
Brilliant,
Gilded,
Beautiful,
Bold,
Warm,
Or even the center of my universe.
I simply mean that
I cannot look at you
Without hurting

I feel
       shining
S h i m m e r i n g
Galaxies
In my heart

I see yellow
S wi~rling
Magic
In your soul

I see the stars
In the colors
Of the day

   The milky way
Is but a step away
In your eyes

I see love
From all
Like a blackhole
Breaking me into it
Never escaping

Twinkling
   Twinkle
              Twinkle
Little beauty
   You are everywhere
I can see it in most everyone

But i don't think
They see it
In
Me

I cough
Dry heaves come about
I keep trying to cough it out
But it's empty

People ask me to stop
I try to hold it in
Then i choke on myself

I intake fluids
To heal my burning
I cough it back up

My throat is dry
She will not be soothed
Any medication
Will be thrown up

Good luck
Trying to drown out
The nuance
That my pain can cause

Shaking
Shivering
Dry
Throat

Breathe me in
Eat me whole

I'm quivering
From your deep soul

Numb
Sensitive
Crooked
Tongue

I'm thirsty
Fill me with your water

You call me lovely
Like a daughter

Red
Screeching
Paranoid
Shooting
Brains

Tell me your words
Devour my mind

Please look into my eyes
And try to be kind

Will i ever be loved?
Will i ever be anyone's first?
Will i ever be noticed?

they tell me it's in my head
But they don't see what i see
I'm always a last choice

Am i wanted?
Am i needed?
Am i special?

They say god loves me
They say he chose me
Yet all i hear is deafening silence

I scrape and claw
For attention
I end up ******
And scarred

Others merely exist
People go to them
Giving affection
Without being begged

Here i am
Where i always knew
Sitting alone
With a hangover overblown

I've never been noticed
Even if i act out
I could scream and shout
No-one will look

How can i live
How can i be ok
How can i breathe
How do i accept lonliness

Maybe one day
I'll write a song
Of love and warmt
And not wavering sadness
And desperation

Maybe..
            Some...
                         Day

I've been through hell
I've been laughed at
Mocked and rejected
Living in darkness

Been through it all
No rise only fall
Been homeless
Starved nearly to death

Starved of light
Starved of anything bright
So i stopped and asked myself
Why am i so scared
I've gotten out fair

Every rejection
Every horrifying disturbance
Every pain
Every hurt

I've gotten back up
Walked away from bad luck
Yet my heart fears
I think i realized behind my tears

I'm afriad to be happy
I'm afraid of anything good
Someone compliments me
And i run away

I rather be insulted
I rather be rejected
I rather be beaten
And bruised

I don't understand
Kindness or a helping hand
What are your intentions
Something evil i dare not mention?

If i feel happy that's not good
If i feel joy I'm sinning
And death and gloom will come
Grinning