****. I can't believe I made it,
my peace every night I prayed for it.
Yeah I was in love I thought I found the one,
Until the day came where I was completely done.
When the love stopped and the hate just begun.
Man I begged for the light I cried for my sanity,
I looked for the confidence I no longer had within me.
Blood drippin on the floor,
just hoping I could make it to the door,
Scars left inside that I just can't ignore.
They expect you to get over it fast,
but on god they don't know my past,
I really thought we was supposed to last.
They say when they show you who they are believe them the first time,
But I would shake it off and say I'm fine.
I'm not okay I'm not alright,
I never won cause I didn't wanna fight.
Most times I gave up just so you can be right.
****..
What happened to me??
Where accepting abuse was okay to me?
Where being myself was no longer allowed for me?
**** who am I supposed to be?
How did I get to a spot where I lost all reality?
****..
It's like it came to you almost naturally.
How could I be so blind,
How was it so easy for you to loose your mind,
.. ****..
I guess your love was never really mine.
I played the fool to your messed up game,
Never again will I fall in love the same.

I wonder if the person inside is still there,
I wonder if they still care.
Does she still love..?
Does she still speak to the man above...?
Is she just as alone ? Or has her heart turned to stone?  

Questions.
Their confusing, answers change.  Questions.
Mostly amusing, mostly strange.

They take your mental to hell.
I wonder what will break the spell..?
Love, was it real? Was It fake?
Im not sure how much of this I can take.
Are you safe? Are you okay?
Do you struggle through the night to  last another day?  
Each night, where is it that you lay your head?
Each night, Is someone else besides me, holding you instead?
Do you cry for me? Do you still feel the love from when we used to "be"?
No longer are we a "We". That is killing me, can't anyone see?

Questions.
Nothings Changed my answers are still the same..
Do you agree or was I just a piece of the game?

I ask the man above,
That one day he'll bring me back your love.
I'm tired of all these questions with no answers to 'em.
**** I miss you, I'm back to old surroundings, I ain't accustomed to 'em.
Waking up not to feel your arms wrapped around me..
Going to bed without hearing your voice speaking you love me.
If the situation was different, would we still be together, going strong?
Will our love continue to grow and move along?
Or did it end just the same? With the sad love song..?
I dunno where to go I dunno who to trust.
Your the only one I want and without you I feel my heart about to bust.
I need to hear your voice as I did before.
I need to feel your touch, that still to this day, I adore.
I love you and I dont take that lightly.
I wont speak the words loosely  and letting go is highly unlikely.
Im loosing my mind...
I refuse to believe your love wasnt mine.
One day you will feel it.
One day you will see it,
One day you will know that we can still be it.
We can still be us you just have to come back.
I'll provide you the things you now lack.
I would bring you the world just to put the smile on your face.
Since you been gone I promise noone has taken your place.
Noone has been in your space.
I'm writing you a poem with the question in my head,
Wondering if your alive or dead..?

My mind, my enemy, feel my worry, feel me...

Im standing on a ledge,
Nothin blocking the edge.
My emotions run so deep,
all I want is sleep.
Sick stomach, head pounding.
I feel myself drifting, I need some grounding.
Will you come back?
I wish I knew where you was at..
Questions with no answers its still mind-blowing.
After its said and done, My love, I'm still not tired of showing.
Come back to me.. I promise you will see..
I am still the person you wanted me to be.
Do you feel me?

The way I feel I can't express,
the light inside and it's brokenness.
I took a chance and made a choice,
burned my life and lost my voice.
Walked through fire covered my face, wondering how I even got to this place.
Noone notices the pain that I was dealt,
noone notices the way I felt.
Broken promises as I fade away,
not sure of what I can say,
To make you understand what I feel every day.
My heart screams help but my mind can't take it,
honestly I can't even fake it.

Everybody can talk but no one can listen,
Misunderstanding is what put us in this position,
And fighting lead us to this condition.
Take a step back and look at what we are doing,
Think about what we are pursuing..
Is it going to be worth what it draws out,
I have reasons to believe my doubt.
The world is cursed and so are we,
Danger, the TV blinds us from trying to see.
Newest generation is out of control,
And the oldest have lost their soul.
Body counts and crime is getting higher,
With hate and evil being the main supplier.
The days are colder and the nights bring a chill,
So much has happened it doesn't feel real.
It's not safe to leave your house even for kids to get education,
It's not safe to be at home for fear of home invasion.
This world is in need of healing,
It's getting worse and I can't shake this feeling,
Sometimes I wonder how I am even dealing.
Candlelights and grief,
I'm just in disbelief.
I can't believe this is what we've come to,
Praying for peace for what we go through.
Our loved ones being our drive,
For just trying to survive.

Hiding is what I've learned to do,
I'm smiling covering up,
Everything I'm hiding from you.
I'm wearing a mask to cover my sadness,
Behind my make up, behind my smiles,
Is nothing but pure madness.
People think I'm very smart,
But what they don't is,
Everything I'm hiding in the dark.
With this mask I make them see,
Who I'm not,
But who I want to be.
Silent cry's they will never hear,
Broken sorrow,
Left with fear.
With this mask they will never know,
All my pain,
All my feelings,
I will never show.
I walk around with an empty chest,
Talking to people,
Who think they know best.
With this mask my disappearance will be unknown,
Because of all the feelings,
I've left unshown.

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep,
Over all the promises I made I couldn't keep. Pain rushes through down to my feet,
I dunno if I can keep up with the heat.
Head hung low,
time moves slow,
searching for the answers that I didnt know. Battling the demons inside my head, replaying the things I wish I never said.
One decision away from making the biggest mistake,
trusting the people that turned out to be fake. My life's a battle that gets harder to face, living with dreams that get harder to chase. One chance one shot,
Is all that we got.
I just want to be me rather than something I'm not.
Will it matter in the end?
Cause I'm really tired of having to pretend.