I want to pay him back.
I want him to feel my pain.
I want him to feel what it is like to have your bones uncontrollably shake.
I want him to know what it is like to go without eating for 3 days.
I want him to feel what it is like to be choked
until your head starts to pound.
I want him to know what it is like to feel nails cutting your knees.
I want him to know what it is like to be told
you are the reason a family is failing.
I have had to feel all of these.
I have dealt with so much more than he can even remember.
I am no monster.
I am better than he ever was  and will ever be.
I will be the son who stops the line of abuse,
the train of pain.
I will not be the one to deduct respect
for ******* a ***** in the wrong direction.
I am a man.
I want revenge.
He Will feel my revenge,
my wrath,
my pain.


some day.

I wanted to send you another happy message.
I wanted to let you know the usual stuff
the familiar
"you're not alone"
"Everything will work out"
but also to tell you that I sympathize.
I sympathize when you have headaches,
when you leave stuff on the bus,
and when you are a feeling just plain stressed out.
I laugh when you tell me
you listen to so many types of music,
and you are all over.
I love how friendly you all are.
I love how every piece of what you say means a lot,
from the sarcastic -_-'s
to your slow cell phone,
so I don't see most of your texts until 5 minutes later.
More than one of my friends are in this poem.
It is for all of you.
I believe in you.
I'm always here for you.
Here,
today.
Trust me when I say,
I like you a lot =)

Maybe morphine
Is the thing I need
To **** the pain away
While it's killing me
Maybe *******
Maybe ketamine
Maybe roxycontin
A couple of thirties

Maybe heroine
Is not woman to save me
But a horse
I can ride to my own end

While I was busy chasing dragons
Wanting to reach the first high
Banging and shooting and doping and bruising
I forgot to see
I'm alive
I was born with all I need
And that dragon should be chasing me

Maybe it's love
Love for myself
And love for others
The godly love of sisters and brothers
Maybe it's just love
A smiling face
A funny joke
The realization that what it is,is what I make it be

Maybe it's just holding on to the better part of me

' if you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph '
*that explains why he never took pictures of me