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Grimmest Apr 2016
A beautiful sigh
A beautiful high
A beautiful voice
A beautiful choice
A beautiful light
A beautiful night
A beautiful smile
A beautiful style
A beautiful look
A beautiful brook

It's all just a beautiful lie.
Grimmest Apr 2016
(A)ltered

(B)oisterous
(I)rrational
(P)anic
(O)ver-reactive
(L)o­ws
(A)shamed
(R)ollercoaster

(M)ental
(I)mpulsive
(N)on-existent
(D)esperate

The mind is lost on a raft to nowhere...
Grimmest Apr 2016
I see my own reflection,
And feel the loathing from within.

The anticipation of relief,

Of the blade cutting in.


The steel is cold and sharp,

Against  my weary skin.

It slides through slowly,

And I savour the feeling that it brings.

How far shall I cut?

How deeply shall I go?

I see the vein pulsating before the blood begins to flow.
Should I cut a little deeper and have this journey end,
Or dance with the pain that has now become my friend.

I look at my self-hatred reflected in the blade.
The future is uncertain,
And the choice still remains.
Do I wait for tomorrow,
As it is another day,
To live with the pain,
Or let my soul soar away.
Grimmest May 2016
Even an ordinary day has the potential to become a great adventure, if you approach it with childlike wonder and fascination.
Grimmest Apr 2016
This gift...
An angel in my arms.
So innocent and new.
The universe has spoken.
A new life is born.

Ne'er a sound does he make,
As I look into his eyes.
Two perfect blue sapphires.
Reflections of the sea,
And never ending tides.

Indescribable love.
I have never known before.
I am his protector.
A she-wolf with her pup.
Until the end of time.

Time has become my adversary.
You wish to spread your wings and fly.
To pursue your hopes and dreams.
But I am scared to let you go.
1, 2, 3, ... Jump

Life continues on.
The angel has found his love.
An insatiable lust.
That takes over his being.
Like honey to a bee.

The angel has fallen.
By demons of the night.
They taunt him with euphoria,
That only the needle can bring.
Just one more hit...

My little boy is now a stranger.
His arms are marked and bruised.
I wish for his survival.
The strength to begin anew.
Just one more hit...

The deception and deceit,
Are more than I can bear.
Where is my little angel?
When will he return?
Just one more hit...

The vultures are circling.
Waiting for the end.
He promises to quit.
To fight the disease.
But the darkness pulls him in.

Just one last hit...
Wishing for my angel to come back to me...
Grimmest May 2016
My life feels like an island,
Secluded in the distance.
Its beauty fails to reach my eyes,
And I am trapped within this.

Time is now my enemy,
It often feels so endless.
It promises of a future bright,
And a life that's full of richness.

I no longer seem to recognize,
This life set out before me.
I wish for love and better days,
And the feel of strength within me.

My thoughts are in control of me,
But I fight with new conviction.
I wish to change my life around,
And free my sorrow's addiction.

With passing time I feel new hope,
And my eyes are finally open.
I see a life without despair,
And a life no longer broken.
Grimmest May 2016
Exposed
Afraid
  To be real
   An illusion
    Artificial smile
     Manufactured interest
      Painful apprehension
       An Impending encounter
        No escape
         Succumb
          Detached from self
           Dissociated mind
            Plastic eyes
             Void of feeling
              Mechanical heart
               Foul abandonment
                Self-pity
                 Worthless
                   Squandered life
                    Exit right
Grimmest Apr 2016
I find peace in the darkness,
But long to feel the light.
Its warmth down upon me,
Its aura soft and bright.

The light captivates my mind,
With dreams of gentle skies.
It reaches through my darkness,
And strips away all ties.

My darkness fights against it,
This bringer of the light.
But it fails to pierce its brilliance,
And fades into the night.

Freedom has finally found me,
And I respond with open arms.
I embrace its vivid glow,
And all its hidden charms.

The weight has finally lifted,
I truly now am free.
Of all my darkly baggage,
That had a hold of me.
Grimmest Apr 2016
You
Steal
My
Strength
And
Leave
Me
Torn
Grimmest Apr 2016
Normal is a delusion of grandeur.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Black
The light at the end of the tunnel.
The pursuit of sweet nothingness.
Is the oblivion that I reach toward a cure for my disease,
Or the start of something worse?

Black
So misunderstood it greets me as a friend.
We two are the same and for once I belong.
But is this a false sense of comfort,
to lure me into its grasp?

Black
Always taunting and just out of reach.
Is it brave to become black,
Or braver to ignore its pleas?
Tired of fighting its temptation,
My soul seeks out its embrace.

Black
Grimmest May 2016
True strength is not about hiding our weaknesses, but embracing them with courage and sheer will.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Dreams are mirrors of the mind,
Reflectors of the heart,
And a reminder of our souls.
Grimmest May 2016
You will never embrace this life, unless you embrace yourself first.
Grimmest Mar 2017
Tired
Worn down
Out of options
In the dark again
Falling down life's rabbit hole
I begin to breathe
There is light
Slow smile
Relief
Grimmest Apr 2016
Fear is all consuming.
Fear is seeing the dark through the light.
Fear is a *** about to boil over.
Fear is paralyzing with no escape.
Fear is never ending.

Fear knows my weaknesses.
Fear knows I am its prisoner.
Fear knows how to prey on the weak.
Fear knows that I am trapped in its grasp.
Fear knows no bounds.

Fear will steal your light.
Fear will tighten its grasp until breath is no more.
Fear will laugh at my terror.
Fear will win the game.
Fear will be my demise.

Fear is a nightmare of the woken.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Fury
Like a tornado in my head.
Twisting and irrational.
A wave about to crash.
Frantically looking for escape.
A womb to climb inside.
Hiding from the twisting inevitability,
Of the whisper of my thoughts.
SCREAMING,
But seldom heard
I am weighed down by your scorn.
I will rise and I will be heard.
LISTEN TO ME
But the words are tangled in my mind.
Trapped inside a wounded beast.
A work in progress...
Grimmest Apr 2016
If today is tomorrow's yesterday,
Is tomorrow yesterday's today?
Embrace the random ;-)
Grimmest Aug 2017
"Fill the world with kindness and you give the gift of hope."
Grimmest Oct 2016
I hear a whisper in the night.
"I am enough".
And it fills my heart with joy.
But the joy is fleeting,
As I do not feel worthy of it's song.

The whisper fades in the static of my mind.
Feelings of guilt and shame,
Replace the whisper's cry.
The self-loathing rises up once more.
An ever present rumble of isolation,
Controls my inner thoughts.
And I am filled with a sadness,
Of what my life has become.

A stranger now resides within me.
She is filled with loss and regrets
The tears begin to flow,
And fill my eyes with longing,
For the girl I left behind.
I am so very tired,
Of this battle in my mind.

I push aside my inner darkness,
And I look to the stars for comfort.
I whisper to the night.
"I am enough"
"I am MORE than enough".
Grimmest Apr 2016
Bow and flowers,
Crinkle and rot.
Like I feel with my stomach in knots.
The sun shines brightly,
But my eyes are closed.
I see the thorns instead of the rose.
I feel the wind running through my hair.
Once so soothing, I no longer care.
I long for the days when my soul was whole.
The pain I feel has taken its toll.
Grimmest May 2016
Sin
The choice
A tempting offer
Internal path to shame
A journey of the wounded
The balance of seduction and fate
All senses are abandoned at this moment
Fear of fulfillment and retribution with its attainment
A need to embrace our own depravity and imperfections
Freedom to lose myself in unrelenting moments of sheer bliss
Grimmest Apr 2016
When I was a little girl,
I was told to be seen and not heard.
Invisible to my self and others.
I dared not laugh, I dared not cry.
Alive but no longer living.
I loved you,
But I feared you.
Your bouts of rage and madness.
Love that was conditional and fleeting.
I just wanted to scream and shout,
SEE ME!
LOVE ME!
But I learned to remain out of sight and sound.
I became vacant but yet present.
When I tried to feel,
Tried to be me,
I was told that you were too busy,
To spend time with me.
"Go out and play",
"Find some friends",
"Don't bother me".
So I would sit outside alone and cry.
Still waiting to be loved...
Now that I am grown,
I no longer seek your love.
I no longer stay in the background.
But make my presence known.
Loud and clear,
I will be seen,
I will be heard,
So *******!
Though you made me what I am today,
It will never take the pain away.
Grimmest Apr 2016
I see a girl before me,
With eyes of pale blue crystal.
Cloudy, cold, and lifeless.
Who is this stranger looking back at me?
She looms in the darkness just beyond my reach.
Trapped in the land of the empty and forlorn.
I feel the need to connect to this stranger,
But I turn my back and face away,
I feel her dead eyes follow.
Strong is the urge to seek out her embrace,
And I return to her again.
My hand reaches out,
But feels only the smooth glass of a mirror's surface.
For I am her and she is me.
The reflection of my soul.
Grimmest May 2016
An ordinary girl.
Rushes down the hallway.
Invisible, scared, and alone.

Her eyes are cast down.
As she shrinks into the background.
Afraid to be noticed.
Hoping that she can just get through the day.

She has created a barrier around herself to mask the pain.
Poisoned whispers follow her trail.
She puts on a brave face,
And wishes to disappear.

Her beauty is screaming from within.
"You are worthy."
But she continues to relish in her flaws.
As a stain on the world.

She attempts to reach out,
But is rejected and despised.
She contains the pain once again.
Hiding it beneath her solitude.

The days continue.
There are no more tears.
A beautiful darkness spreads within.
She no longer cares.

Today is the day.
A sense of elation begins.
She has made peace with her demons,
And has embraced her shame.

She is ready.
The metal is cold on her skin.
The blade makes its mark.
It slides across her soul.

She sighs and she laughs,
At the bright red pool forming on the floor.
She sees the rain shine through the dark.
And life's hopeless journey to the unknown begins.

Another ordinary girl is lost...
Grimmest Apr 2016
A life without pain,
Is a life that hasn't lived.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Love will find you,
If you know where to find it.
Grimmest Apr 2016
My love is like a sickness
A bringer of disease
It infects all those it touches,
Destroys all that it sees.

Your love is like a razor,
It cuts me to the core.
With promises of passion,
Like all the times before.

This love is like a poison,
With no known remedy.
It weaves between our souls,
And ***** all life from me.

I long to feel your touch,
And your lips upon my skin.
But the love we have between us,
Is nothing more than sin.

Now I'll slip away,
And wipe you from my mind.
You are a shadow on my heart,
And I'll leave your love behind.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Trapped inside my head.
Aware that nothing is real.
Powerless to escape the web of lies,
That traps me from within.

Shall I always play the victim,
Or find the strength to **** the demons,
That are ever present in my head.
Always screaming from within.

Beaten and willing to accept the madness,
I finally find peace...
Grimmest Sep 2016
The stars begin to fall,
Through the darkness of my mind.
With quiet whispered calls,
Only chaos will they find.

Here colours swirl in time,
To the madness found within.
They start to flow and rhyme,
Until anxiety begins.

A crushing, pulsing weight,
Is baring down on me.
An overwhelming hate,
Of what has come to be.

I long for something more,
Then blackness and decay.
To find an open door,
And float my fears away.

My dreams are full of lies,
Full of vile thoughts that bleed.
They dance before my eyes,
And on my anger they do feed.

I wish for brighter days,
For a glow within my heart.
But this void forever stays,
And it tears my soul apart.

Pain is roaring in my skull,
Full of waves of raging fire.
It keeps my senses dull,
So my will begins to tire.

Exhausted from the fight,
From this battle in my mind.
I am lost without the light,
And my sanity unwinds.
Grimmest Apr 2016
The fear moves in like a rising storm
Black and gnarled in shape and form
Caught in its grasp I struggle and fight
Inside I'm screaming with all my might
Why don't you hear me, can't you see
I'm a little girl lost who needs to be free.
My description of having a panic attack
Grimmest Apr 2016
The past holds many secrets,
That maintain control of me.
The shame and regrets,
Are the only ones I see.

I am lost in what was,
Instead of what will be.
Dark and twisted memories,
Keep their hold on me.

Dreams of other times,
Haunt my days and nights.
Do others see my burden,
My internal daily plight.

I try to focus on today,
And seal away this pain.
It's frozen in my mind,
And will always leave a stain.

Today is a new day,
With new pasts to create.
I choose to focus on this moment,
And determine my own fate.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Possession
Of my mind
Of my heart
Tears of loneliness
Thinking of you
Your rejected love
My rejected thoughts
Of you and I together
Memories of other times
When you would smile at me
And I felt waves of passion
But that day has come and gone
You left me here
To bare the weight of this pain
The longing to see you one last time
The possession of my body and my courage
To hate to love you
Grimmest May 2016
(S)tifled
(E)vasive
(C)onfining
(R)egrets
(E)xhausting
(T)ormente­d
(S)hame

A game of deception and deceit.
Grimmest Aug 2017
"A negative mind is its own self-fulfilling prophecy."
Grimmest Apr 2016
Beaten down by the highs and lows.
Impossible to evade its call.
Promises of incredible power,
Only results in incredible pain.
Loneliness is my current residence.
Aware that I am powerless,
And running from who I am.
Grimmest Apr 2016
I sit alone and wonder,
Why I'm always in the dark.
The sun it shines so brightly,
But it doesn't reach my heart.

I feel so lost and broken,
Like my soul will tear apart.
I care no more for anything,
My indifference was the start.

The tears they flow so often,
For reasons I do not know.
I bask in my depression,
And the emptiness that grows.

I am scared of my surroundings,
So I do not leave this place.
I find a sense of safety,
From life's obscure embrace.

I wish for a connection,
A branch for which to cling.
But the power of the darkness,
Won't let me stretch my wings.

So I suffer here in silence,
Part of life's bitter game.
I am trapped in its grasp,
I will never be the same.
Grimmest Apr 2016
(S)trive
(T)each
(R)esist
(E)nlighten
(N)ew
(G)uided
(T)ough
(H)e­art

There is no life without struggle and pain.
Strength is my guide with the will to survive.
Grimmest Apr 2016
There is no escape from,
A dark and murky mind.
Unless you have the strength,
To leave the past behind.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Do you remember those times...
The times we would talk for hours,
Or just sit together in silence.
Always together...
We'd tell each other our dreams.
Through the laughter and the tears.
It was our journey to share.
Until you broke my heart.
Was I just a toy to you?
Easily broken and thrown away.
You had me fooled,
And I played the fool well.
You were darkness disguised as light.
I long to see you again.
But I am smarter now,
And I will play the fool no more.
Grimmest Apr 2016
I
am
haunted
bitter
wasted
scorned
alone
desperate
passionate
fait­hful
loyal
kind
loving
free

There is no darkness without some light
Grimmest Apr 2016
I've placed a shield around me,
To hide my inner shame.
There are demons found inside me,
That I never seem to tame.

My mind is an asylum,
Where I live in my restraints.
It keeps me bound in silence,
And my essence it does taint.

I feel alone and undeserving,
Of the me I keep inside.
It's for my own protection,
So I can never be despised.

If they reject my performance,
It has no affect on me.
Because it's not me they hate,
But the me I pretend to be.
Grimmest Apr 2016
I came upon a shadow,
While walking in the dark.
A brave and mighty shadow,
All alone inside a park.

It lingered on a boulder,
Resting on the ground.
But quickly moved away,
When I began to move around.

How funny that a shadow,
Should loom out in the night.
Alone and unafraid,
With the moon its only light.

The shadow followed me,
All along the path.
We didn't get far,
Before I stopped to laugh.

For the shadow had me,
Caught within its grasp.
And I had it,
Clutched within my clasp.

How silly did I feel,
When I finally came to see.
The shadow had an owner,
For it belonged to me.
Grimmest Aug 2017
Deep beneath the depths of me,
Are buried wounds you cannot see.
I wish for others to feel my pain,
For in my mind there is a stain.

A stain that remains inside my head,
That makes me wish that I was dead.
'Tis a fight only I can wage,
Against the chaos and the rage.

So much darkness and decay,
That I can barely keep at bay.
I often long for some relief,
A helping hand to hold my grief.

I carry hope within my heart,
That my mind won't tear apart.
My pain is crushing inside of me,
With this illness you cannot see.
I have had a long and painful life with Mental Illness, but inside I still have hope.
Grimmest May 2016
I feel your comfort upon my skin,
And I bask in the light of your beauty.
The glow of spring is here again,
It is no longer dark and gloomy.

I watch the sunset blossom with warmth,
And I feel a sense of wonder.
The brilliant sun upon my face,
And my mind begins to ponder.

Why do I feel so empty inside,
With dreams so dim and foggy.
I see birds so free up in the sky,
And a chill spreads through my body.

The flowers are once again in bloom,
With scents that are alluring.
The feeling of dread remains unchanged,
I am alone and hurting.

I have a mask that hides my pain,
This smile of fake emotion.
I wish to fly away from here,
On a cloud above the ocean.
Grimmest Apr 2016
(T)ormented
(R)estricted
(A)lone
(P)erplexed
(P)rison
(E)xhausted­
(D)issociated

Freedom from the mind has a price.
Grimmest Apr 2016
Smiling on the outside,
And
Screaming
From
Within
Grimmest Apr 2016
I met a beautiful stranger,
Sitting by a Lake.
He looked in my direction,
And my heart began to quake.

His eyes shone a crystal blue,
And never left my gaze.
He moved in my direction,
And I truly was amazed.

Why should such a wonder,
Want to talk to me?
This beautiful Adonis,
Whatever reason could it be?

He continued to approach me,
I felt so very meek.
I longed for his embrace,
My knees were suddenly weak.

When he finally reached me,
My chest was feeling tight.
It was then that he asked me,
"Do you have a light".
:-O
Never take yourself so seriously.
Grimmest Aug 2017
"Anger is not your enemy, but your response to it determines its power over your soul."
Grimmest Apr 2016
Crazy is a fallacy of the sane,
                   Used to mask their own pain.
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