I see a girl before me,
With eyes of pale blue crystal.
Cloudy, cold, and lifeless.
Who is this stranger looking back at me?
She looms in the darkness just beyond my reach.
Trapped in the land of the empty and forlorn.
I feel the need to connect to this stranger,
But I turn my back and face away,
I feel her dead eyes follow.
Strong is the urge to seek out her embrace,
And I return to her again.
My hand reaches out,
But feels only the smooth glass of a mirror's surface.
For I am her and she is me.
The reflection of my soul.

I doubt
material wealth
means anything
in the afterlife
on the off chance
that I'm wrong
bury me
with my books
and my plastic owl.

Normal is a delusion of grandeur.

When I was little,
I used to swear up and down that I would never stop playing with my
action figures.
That I would never let my legos rest.
I used to play
all day.
Sun up,
to sun down.
Each time varying and tweaking my story line just a little.
Luke would be vader's father.
Spiderman would be a villain,
and Batman
could fly.
I used to think
everything was a game.
It all looked so inviting.
I used to play
like I was a grown up,
but now that it has come ever closer,
I wish to go back.
I wish to go back to a time,
where homework was 2+3,
and writing was,
"tell me about your day today"
now it seems so complicated.
All the substituting for x.
My mind,
sometimes still
imagines a great game of war.
My mind still thinks
of strategies for my army men.
But then they fade.
My imagination has gone and died.
I haven't kept my promise
to that little boy
I left behind.

I want to pay him back.
I want him to feel my pain.
I want him to feel what it is like to have your bones uncontrollably shake.
I want him to know what it is like to go without eating for 3 days.
I want him to feel what it is like to be choked
until your head starts to pound.
I want him to know what it is like to feel nails cutting your knees.
I want him to know what it is like to be told
you are the reason a family is failing.
I have had to feel all of these.
I have dealt with so much more than he can even remember.
I am no monster.
I am better than he ever was  and will ever be.
I will be the son who stops the line of abuse,
the train of pain.
I will not be the one to deduct respect
for ******* a ***** in the wrong direction.
I am a man.
I want revenge.
He Will feel my revenge,
my wrath,
my pain.


some day.

Trapped inside my head.
Aware that nothing is real.
Powerless to escape the web of lies,
That traps me from within.

Shall I always play the victim,
Or find the strength to **** the demons,
That are ever present in my head.
Always screaming from within.

Beaten and willing to accept the madness,
I finally find peace...