I thought about glue
Generally good holding stuffs

The intended ones I mean

Just not the wrong ones
Not your fingers

When you're stuck doing an art project

Then they become bothersome

I thought about adhesions

Side effect to intervention that's meant to fix a problem

As I sat at the dark corner of my room

With a dull aching pain
A promise of waterfall

I knew the glue once fixed me up

I knew the glue now created a scar while scrubbing

I knew the adhesions now needed fixing up

And I knew the
intervention wasn't needed

They just broke me more

And I wish I never tried using glue

Smile lines or frown line
It's a bit hazzy

They both look same
You couldn't possibly discern them

From a first meeting
You need to be a fixture

To tell which ones fit the puzzle perfectly

I think it's amazing to smile through pain

Look it into its eyes
And flip it off

But I also think it's groundbreaking

To acknowledge not being OK

To be scared
To run away from the slightest uncertainty

And finally let the water-fall flow

I've lost the gift of water-flow

But I'm holding on to the gift of smile

Doesn't matter what spectrum
Fits the case perfectly

She might have lost it
Sticken to what hurt her the most

It's hard to voice it out
But it harder when its him

she wants to tell him
How hard it is to function well

How hurt she is
But she can't

Conflict with the other woman
Sharing her body

But She says she is ok
It's what everybody wants to hear

That she's now in Control
That her body is stil hers alone

But she had lost the power to dream

She's meant to keep him happy
Doesn't matter if she's not

Because that's how she knows to care

It was suppose to be a happy occasion,
I heard

A proud moment
I understood
For every soul linked to me

But I felt the opposite

Felt ashamed

Walking around

Limping,staggering

You could see from miles a way

I was deplicted in every sense

I was a coward I couldn't take the easy way out

So I bleed myself out in a noble way

A way that would allow another being a chance to live

And grant me more suffering

Maybe if I'm lucky my heart might decide to tap out

And I'll get to smile.

I don't know what to call this

A peom or rambling

Maybe more of ranting

I wanna be soft and sturdy like...

Be strong like...

Be compassionate like...

Be independent like...

Put my foot down like...

Be nice like...

But he did say
I'm unapologetical for who I am
Or what I stand for

Mostly caught between
Being nice and being me

Saying no and smiling
But I can be both
Maybe I am both

Woke up with the moon
You could say

Everything was merry
Full of life and energy

Pessimist me was locked

Optimism all the way through

Should have known its short lived

Now it's late

And just as its dark

So are my emotions

All the expectations I had

For me and others
Just doesn't cut it anymore

In the end its me Pessimist me

So goodnight I say
For today is done

I believe everything
Happens in a sequence
In an order

I don't need to be
Versed in religion

To understand that
Every test, every sickness

Is moulding me
Into a more concrete form

One with unshakeable foundation

Through every pain
Along my incision side

Made me softer
To other people's pain
And yet I'm grateful for it

The pain yesterday is worse
Than today's pain

And yet with that I still
Don't glorify pain

I just think it's the only way
That I truly learn