Wow
You did a number on me
It was 8 letters
Times 3 words
With 1 meaning
That equaled
2 gether
4 ever

How much you built me up
Lovely words
Typed back and forth
The things you said
On the phone
That caressed my ears
How much
You loved me
And then you
Walked away

I guess
I’ll never really know
Except I can
Guess
It wasn’t enough
Enough to respect
My feelings
And before you get
All defensive
Really
They are
My feelings

I had my concerns
About you
And I really wanted to
See it thru
Such a little thing
Ended it?
Well
Then
It wouldn’t have lasted
Anyway
But no
Hard feelings
Am I upset?
Yeah
And angry
Just a little
But I’m mostly
Thankful
Thankful for the experience

I learned something from you
I learned something about
Myself
About what
I want
I learned that
I have the strength
To stand up for
Myself
To assert
Myself

I don’t know
If you ever really were
Who you said you were
I want to believe you
But I will always question
Were you true?
Too good to be true?
Yes

Now I pick up my
Bruised
Dented
Chipped
And dinged
Heart
Tuck it back under my arm
And walk away
*****
Stronger
Prouder
Smarter
With more love to give
I hope no matter what happens
That’s how I live my life

Yes
It hurts sometimes
The pain is palatable
Tears fall
That’s just so
When it’s good
You know it
So
I say goodbye
I hope you find
What you are looking for
I’m glad you let me go
And didn’t keep me hanging on
In the in between

Maybe someday
I’ll drop you a line
Let you know
I met someone wonderful
Amazing
Someone who
Erases the memory of you
So completely
That I have to struggle
To remember your name
Not that I ever will
You were
And will always be
Amazing

831

Ones and Zeros
In the online digital world
Every boy and every girl
Are villains and heroes
Who knows which?
Son a of a *****
 
The truth is lies
Wrapped up in disguise
We want to believe
Electronic love we receive
Is not there to deceive
The flirting
The sexting
The online molexting
**** pic rejecting
 
Encrypted ascii code
Sent through internet nodes
Wireless whispers transmitted
Thoughts of endearment committed
Fact are conveniently omitted
Lies are ruthlessly submitted
 
Straight jacket
Packet hackers
Hijacking a loving heart
Holding it ransom is their art
Scourge of the community
Harassing
Surpassing
Any level of dignity
 
Players and haters
And the masturbators
The downright crazies
Acting like timid daisies
The cheaters
Defeaters
And quite possibly
Wife beaters
 
The losers
The boozers
Mentally abusers
The popular sexter
Who may not be a her
Quite possibly a guy
But will vehemently deny
 
The whiner
Data miner
The ******* seeking minor
The scammer
The Christian Damner
Super **** grammar
All thrown in together
With the digital picture collector
 
And still we’re looking all around
For love to be found
In a world of made believe
That anonymously deceives
We are ones seeking zeroes
Running into villains dressed up as heroes
 
Hearts shredded and deleted
Retreating and defeated
Yet somehow we try again
Hoping for something less than pain
We are all a little bit insane
Playing the online dating game
One’s and Zero’s

Thank you for being there
When I needed you most
You always seemed to know
When I was loneliest
When I was lost
Without hope
Without love
You trusted me
To be good
When everyone else
Labeled me bad
You saw who I was inside
Allowed me to give you my affection
Allowed me to love you
And you gave your measure in return
You made me feel wanted
In a world that didn’t
You asked nothing in return
No other condition than to treat you nice
I always did
How can someone hurt
An angel in disguise?
In all the forms you took
You were everywhere I went
To this day
When I see you
I have an overwhelming desire
To approach
To love on you some more
You are near me now
Everyday
You know when I am sad
And happy to be with me
We walk together
I talk to you
The eternal optimist
You will always be
My dearest friend
Whose love is perfect
Even if it is only for a brief moment in time
The stray cat
The dog next door
The horse in the field
Or that goat in the vacant lot
My many cats
And my one perfect dog
To the uncountable number of animals
Who have allowed me
To pet them
You always make me feel good
You saved me
From a lonely childhood
You gave me hope
That someday I would be loved
Allowed me to experience
What true love is
Thank you
My Angels in disguise

She gave me a love I never knew.
Each day, each hour it only grew.
Broke my heart open so it could become anew.
And I will love her forevermore.

She showed me a life that I didn’t know existed.
Family so close and loving I never knew how much I missed it.
Truly blessed to be even a small part of it.
The thought of it touched me to the core.

Every day she was more amazing than the last.
We told each other about our trouble past.
We held each other with words iron cast.
And said we loved each other more.

We talked, we cried, we laughed a lot.
We had nights that got rather hot.
We said we would never ever not.
Love each other nevermore.

All those secrets that we shared.
And just how much we really cared.
Our souls we deeply bared.
And always wanting for more.

And then one day, a mistake I made.
Angry words flew and I was forbade.
Told to wait while her rage would fade.
And I was never afraid more.

Rebuked for expressing my feelings.
Denied any and all dealings.
Our love it wasn’t healing.
She cut me too, even more.

I gave her time to regain our love’s health
While she put me high up on a shelf.
All alone and by myself.
Not a crumb did she leave on the floor.

I finally raged and demanded.
This treatment, I couldn’t understand it.
Punished for a mistake I never planned it.
I had to know the score.

Instead of her love I got hate.
She says she loves me but it’s too late.
I guess this was our love’s only fate.
As she walked right out the door.

She gave me much, and took pieces of my heart away.
Hopefully I’ll find them along my path someday.
I learned much although my heart is gray.
And I’ll love her forever more. More.

She's so beautiful,
On the inside too.
She's so beautiful,
Through an' through.

There's no way to disguise,
The beauty behind her eyes.
And that's what I see.
Believe me.
When I look into,
The beauty behind the eyes.

The hair that frames her face.
And the smile,
Perfectly placed.
All pale the blue sky,
With the beauty behind the eye.

Her eyes,
So full of laughter.
I see in them,
Everything I'm after.
Beauty within.
Beauty without the lies.
Beauty behind the eyes.

With a heart that's pure an' golden,
She's an angel,
Wings unfolden.
And as I've told her,
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

For so many years
I had no words to give
You had left me
My truest love
I thought I had found another
And no longer needed you
But I missed you
You were the one
Who never questioned
My love
You never thought ill of me
Never hurt me
Always knew just the right words
To use

Sometimes I thought
What caused this barrier?
What took away my cherished gift?
That gave me so much
I think I finally figured it out
She never loved all of you
She loved the sweet love you showed
Your sense of humor
She loved your intelligence
How you twisted words
And created thoughts
But the dark side of you
She didn’t care for

In the beginning
I was happy
Happy and in love
With her
We did everything together
Had a plan
Too busy to think about you
Sometimes I went back to you
Devoured your words
Absorbed your feelings
But it was hard
Hard to go back to that time
When my heart shut down
From too much pain

I wanted to spend time with you
Converse again
I think I was worried
Worried what my words would reveal
I never really know
Where it is you go
Once I give you your reign
You’re like a wild stallion
Tearing off into the night
With only the moon as your guide
So I didn’t trust you
No
That’s not right
I didn’t trust her
I didn’t want the questions
That I might not be able to answer

I think by that time I knew
And I was afraid
To be with you
I needed a safe place
And I had none

Until now

You have rushed back into me
Like a breath of life
For a dead man
Resurrected
Reborn
Renewed
Back with a vengeance
Version 2.0
Better
Stronger
Streamlined
Powerful
I think our separation
Your hibernation
Was a good thing
I missed you
Terribly so
I never knew
But always hoped
And now you’re back
I love you
Never let this
Happen again
I hope I never suffer
Another
Writer’s Block

A child whose heart was chiseled away
Piece by piece
Cracked
Broken
Shattered into uncountable pieces
Over time those pieces were lost
Dropped along the path
Discarded
Hidden
Buried
Like an ancient evil artifact
That only brought pain to the owner
But the child was an optimist
He held on to a splinter
An ember
That was fueled by the kindness of strangers
The lady who helped him fold his laundry at the laundro-matt
A teacher here and there that saw potential in him
Parents of his friends that showed him kindness
Friends that were made and lost all too quickly
Over the years this broken child
Became a broken man
A man who saw love plus feelings
Equaled pain squared
So he denied his feelings
He hide from love
Denied love
Wore a mask that disguised the pain
Even in the darkest reaches of his self-imposed isolation
He still had hope
Still dreamed of love
Dreamed of being wanted
There came a day
When he looked to the future
And saw he needed to choose his path
Bitter lonely old man
Or
So he began the journey
Like a knight on a holy quest
He scoured the lands of his psyche
Searching for the pieces of his heart
Hidden in his writings
Were the secrets to be decoded
Here and there
Buried under layers of callouses
He dug them out
With tearful memories
He recovered little parts
Began putting them together
Like a puzzle
Without boundaries
All one color
He put it back together
As best he could
Along the way
He had to drop the baggage
Of hate
And anger
They were too much to carry
Too much to bear
Twenty years later
He still has to fight
The demons of his past
Has to be aware
How easily he can slip
Flip the switch to cold indifference
The price he has paid
Is the cost of living
Live to love
Or die inside
We cannot control what happens
We can only choose what we do about it
Choose wisely

I saw you again
Today
All those memories
Gosh
**** it’s hard
Remembering
All those emotions
I gave to you
My feelings
My thoughts
My dreams
My desires
My pain
My love
And you held them
Like a newborn babe
Close to your heart
You put me through the wringer
One more time
You’re always good for that
But you also show me
How far I’ve come
You’ll never let me forget
How I used to be
A shadow of a man
Emotionally crippled
Filled with rage
And anger
At a world with love
That only hurt me
The boy who saw those in love
Wondered how easily they found it
He wanted it desperately
And ran to the ends of the earth
To hide from it
It hurts to remember how I was
Eternally grateful
I had you
To be there for me
To listen to my thoughts
To capture that pain
And for some measure
Relieve me of it
I don’t know what I would have done
Without you
Overdosed?
Suicide?
Insanity?
All very real possibilities
I’m lucky
Lucky that I found a positive outlet
Lucky I found you
Even when I put you away
I never want to forget you
Always…