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Cursed that I may be blessed
Broken that I may be whole
Truly You gave me the best
When in Your hands they made a hole
Hated that I might be loved
Bruised that I may be healed
Oh Lord only You have truly loved
I lay now with my hard heart peeled
Lord Your mercy holds me firmly
Lord Your love is now alive
In all I pray that it will be Thee
In whom I will always thrive
Lord I am honestly underserving
Yet Your love surpasses all
You are truly unswerving
For You catch me whenever I fall
Oh may I truly be out of my depth
When I think about all that You do
Oh Lord I am out of my depth
And longing to be lost in You
Good-by, proud world, I'm going home,
Thou'rt not my friend, and I'm not thine;
Long through thy weary crowds I roam;
A river-ark on the ocean brine,
Long I've been tossed like the driven foam,
But now, proud world, I'm going home.

Good-by to Flattery's fawning face,
To Grandeur, with his wise grimace,
To upstart Wealth's averted eye,
To supple Office low and high,
To crowded halls, to court, and street,
To frozen hearts, and hasting feet,
To those who go, and those who come,
Good-by, proud world, I'm going home.

I'm going to my own hearth-stone
Bosomed in yon green hills, alone,
A secret nook in a pleasant land,
Whose groves the frolic fairies planned;
Where arches green the livelong day
Echo the blackbird's roundelay,
And ****** feet have never trod
A spot that is sacred to thought and God.

Oh, when I am safe in my sylvan home,
I tread on the pride of Greece and Rome;
And when I am stretched beneath the pines
Where the evening star so holy shines,
I laugh at the lore and the pride of man,
At the sophist schools, and the learned clan;
For what are they all in their high conceit,
When man in the bush with God may meet.
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Collin Daniel
breathe in deep,
{deep breaths will help you cope}
chew gum,
a diet coke and a cigarette in the afternoon,
the carbonation burns your throat
{thank god}
another cigarette after work,
another cup of coffee on the road
{black, with two sugars}
park the car,
go inside,
do laundry,
do the dishes,
do something
{distraction is key}

look in the mirror,
tousle your hair,
you look
{normal?}
there are no external warning signs,
{not that you've exhibited, at least}
this deception you're living every day,
has become the norm for you
{who am i?}

{but he doesn't look like an alcoholic}

silent pain,
no one can hear your cries for help.
{are you, perhaps, too prideful to look like an alcoholic?}
you still wake up for work,
eat breakfast,
go to church,
but your faith is no longer in God,
the blood of your God represented in a chalice of wine,
passed through the hands of the faithful followers,
{moderation is key, isn't that what they told you?}
pass the cup back to the holy man before he sees
the look in your eyes,
begging for more,
{one more drink}
{please}

it only matters if you show the warning signs,
as if this addiction
{dare i say, disease?}
could fit into a pamphlet,
neatly folded,
creased edges,
glossy photographs,
all smiles,
1-800 number in the big font
{this is your life, and it fits on a single sheet of paper}

{no one can help you but yourself, and you're not doing so well}
idk.
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Collin Daniel
lies
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Collin Daniel
you are familiar.
i know the feel of your hands, the taste of your tongue,
the parts of you that deserve the most attention.
i know you.

we used to smoke cigarettes in my car,
windows down,
music loud,
laughing out the window,
we were alive.
getting high in the sunlight,
warmth surrounding us,
summer days turn to summer nights,
warm,
electric,
real.

but our blood no longer runs crimson.
rather, we are cold and blue,
false bodies, false promises,
fraudulent smoke from a fraudulent pipe.
our teeth are still white,
but our smiles are unfamiliar.

"how are you?"
i ask.
lighting a cigarette, you look at me and reply,
*"fine."
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Collin Daniel
loss of control can be beautiful
when you're problems are gone
in a cloud of smoke-
or when the burn in your throat
matches the fire in your eyes
as you watch it all fall apart
in beautiful intoxication:
"I'm just having fun,"
the words fall cooly from a
well trained mouth,
grown accustomed to
hiding, justifying,
afraid to admit that maybe,
just maybe,
you are in too deep.
I don't really know who I am anymore
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Collin Daniel
I smoked cigarettes to forget my pain,
Or ease it until I wasn't alone
At least in terms of physical space,
Throwing myself into people to forget
the person I didn't want to be
But felt myself becoming.

I wish I could go back to the summer nights,
Alcohol-tainted breath, the high goes away,
And you're left with nothing but blurry memories.

There is never a high, a rush good enough to
Erase reality,
Always waiting for the comedown,
Remembering the pain numbed by
Drug-induced self confidence and
False happiness

Searching for a place far enough from
This filthy world
Far enough away to numb me for good,
Wishing I had an escape route just a little
More permanent.

Words don't spill out of me anymore,
Tears don't either.
I can't force myself to put my feelings into
stanzas, well rhymed, correct syllable counts,
My words fall like *****,
Never appetizing enough to be beautiful

But I still find myself reaching for a bottle
When times get hard
I guess you could say I'm in kind of a slump.
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Torin
God Help Me
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Torin
I see the fires burning all to ashes
The statues becoming rubble
Collapsing bridges
And ghost towns
All from the time I couldn't change

I saw the empty shell of what was
That remains as an empty city
Vacant houses
And closed caskets
All from the time I couldn't be

And I was lost
And hurt
And hopeless

God help me

I saw the souls of hell
Crying out in pain
Begging for relief
That never comes
All from the time I lost my faith

And I have nothing to say
Nothing to do
Nothing at all

God help me
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Dead lover
Friends with modesty, honesty and quality
Friends with novelty, loyalty and equality,
Is What all desire,
And
Friends with disability, social inequality and religiosity,
Friends with 'weird' human ecology, and 'discriminating' ideology...
None wants to acquire..

Some traits of these,
Are undesirable for sure,
But not even a single person of them,
Need to be ignore(d)...

We all are humans, we all are friends,
We all are lovers of humanity,
We all are creators of humanity and
We all are sufferers of humanity...

We all are friends, we all are a family,
We all are a human colony..
 Nov 2015 Gareth
Dead lover
Being a girl,
Doesn't mean a three way hole,
Being a girl,
Means to be admired and respected as a whole..

Being a girl,
Doesn't mean that getting married is your goal,
Being a girl,
Means to be whatever your heart says to your soul..

Being a girl
Doesn't mean that (just) as a mother, wife or girlfriend is your role..
Being a girl,
Means that you need to prove yourself as a diamond in the mine of coal..

Being a girl,
Doesn't mean that entire your life you need to stay a tadpole..
Being a girl,
Means that you need to develop into a frog before getting ole..

Being a girl,
Doesn't mean that you are the negative of the dipole,
Being a girl,
Means that - you need to take your life's control..

Being a girl,
Doesn't mean to accept your worth to be ***** and *****,
Being a girl,
Means to accept your beauty, not just the duty,

Being a girl,
Doesn't mean that you can be a heroine just in the movie..
Being a girl,
Means that you can be a superhero in real life - you can be a ruby!
Learn to accept your beauty girls..

Being a girl Doesn't mean to be oppressed by the so called " society's rulers "
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