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 Nov 2017 Gadus
Pagan Paul
.
Links in the chemist chain
laced in a double helix
defy the laws of the universe,
and the atavistic resurgence
creates isotopes of dream passion.
     Elements conspire in panic
     with a symmetry of casual chaos
     that mimics an atomic bomb,
     destroying its own creator
     in a cruel parody of birth paradox.
          Arresting the Iris of Dissolution
          with cuffed anxiety drowning
          in a pond of helium ore,
          carelessly drifting on acid flesh,
          coagulating in a soup of memory.


And the paradigm shifts again,
reality unfocussed clears, strains,
revealing your shuddering form,
next to me, keeping me warm.
Lids flicker and you open your eyes,
shining, smiling in cute surprise.
Moving my finger up to my lips
whilst I gently untangle our hips.

     Do you remember this night?
     Last night, tonight, tomorrow night?
     Time begins to slowly rewind,
     on the night you blew my mind.


My essence is filled with your heart,
a love I have yet to discover.
Whilst you wander between the stars,
my universe starts to recover.

So please don't break this silence now.
Please don't shatter this moment long,
I want this post ****** memory to remain
in the morning when you have gone.

© Pagan Paul (04/11/17)
.
 Dec 2016 Gadus
Duke Thompson
jailer
 Dec 2016 Gadus
Duke Thompson
dare I?
be your *****
whatever you like


director drives me to town
asked if things slowed down
when the other car hit
(nope)

most likely probing crises response capacity
intellectual curiosity or genuine concern
wager the former at 10:1
if they'd take bet

I'm just like him
I'm going to be him
groomed

flatly delivered jokes about a ***** test
better received by coworkers
"funny guy"

who is this man at the keystroke?
beached and bleached
disco ****

same old heady glazed blue-grey stormy
reminiscent of bucolic childhood splendor
when was good and town was endless
that never really existed on a barren rock

"many of you look changed, somehow older..."
pause for suspense
"and some look exactly the same"
cue laughter and my irritation,
salt rimmed with rage

am I now jailer?
(whispered)
*****
indeed here now the gatekeeper
open locked doors knowing

will purge again
no matter how movement restricted
treadmill only, calorie burn
gym restricted

not equipped
(won't talk)
transfer to children's hospital
before heart fails

do it make a difference?
displaced despair
wash not over me
instead cut through me

starve binge
sniff and smoke
 Nov 2016 Gadus
Edward Coles
Drunk again, on my own again,
without a friend in sight.
I learned to read just to pass the time,
St. Teresa she tells me:
"Be gentle to all and stem with yourself,"
and you will find the light.
But some of us see only in dark,
and we come alive at night.

Been trying to breathe, been trying to see
what William James told me:
"You can alter your life, if you alter your mind,"
my kaleidoscopic eyes-
and act as if you can make a difference
and "be not afraid of life."
But I've been running scared, darling all of the time,
life chews me up and it spits me out.

I'm tired of words, to see me through,
oh, I need someone tonight,
someone tonight.

Like Carl Rogers says, you gotta hang tough,
"I'm not perfect but I'm enough."
"What is personal, it is universal,"
if you just open up.
But if I should die, it would take a while
until someone beats the drum.
I flew so many miles and still,
and still, my sadness has won.
C

This is a song I wrote based around a poem I had written the night before and posted on here (http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1806946/miles/) they both end on the same few lines but are very different otherwise. There is a recording of the song on this youtube link, 08.20 into the video (https://youtu.be/RZRPCtZ_ynw).
 Aug 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
Beast
 Aug 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
How I tire of you and the looks you give me in the mirror
How I tire of bleary eyed sunny days  
(Like I can't see) sun thru smoke fog

Alone I wake, semi truck barreling down my street towards highway
Gray skies do nothing to muffle the noise in the street do nothing
About the metallic pulse in my head groaning dread like a 56k modem

My dowry for this disease of madness - my middle class inheritance
Her white wedding dress and my silymarin milk thistle distress
Equal  distance between us like 'we hardly knew ye'
But You, You were to be my wife

Where did you go, who is this woman
Eggshell grown gown olive skinned melanin beauty
How I tire of pretending to like the new you
Like the old me, he that used to be before
It got to me  - before the bottle bought and sold me
Tarnished ink blot
Instead of the other way around

Stopped the car, narrow country dirt road red
Backing up now rapidly as can go, in reverse, still too slow still
feels like too little too late, slow out of the gate as always (idiot)
No great escape from falling to saving grace
No night and day, just greater shades of gray

Damage done, iron wrought, frostbitten fingers failing me  
'Fate crusades against me'  
Yell paranoid eyeing empty white dusted bottle
Sleep paralysis nightmares of bedroom closing in prison cell
Loom over like human beast double lobectomy
Reptilian brain no higher function
Choke down tears of pure amygdala flight fear
 Jun 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
See crimson red sky sunset
Over city I hate
Makes me want to cry
Sends electric at shocks up my spine
Could be all the ******* sickness
Coursing through my broken down veins
 Jun 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
Puddle
 Jun 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
Bursting at the seams
Bending at the knees
Weak little boy say
This isn't what it seems

She says you don't look crooked
I laugh coarsely replying
Not everyone does
As I pass her the plate
And J puts torch to pipe
Rocking to and fro as puddle forms
 May 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
bottle
 May 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
find yourself again
at the bottom of a bottle
looking up
 May 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
Ocean
 May 2015 Gadus
Duke Thompson
My father would've missed Newfoundland
My mother doesn't
I see shorelines in my head
She sees the Ottawa river
How I long for the ocean
How I long for a way out
 Dec 2014 Gadus
Duke Thompson
handle
 Dec 2014 Gadus
Duke Thompson
from the precipice there i sat i stared
at all the earth's  truths laid bare
laid bare there the naked truth
no beautiful siren of delphi
no open **** no wound

no one to tell you where to put it
or pare down complicated lies
like train bar cars in
cold swiss mountain
moonlight

falling off the stool forgetting now where
'near zurich'  (bar car bartender)
'perhaps  sir has had enough'
tell 'got a good handle on it'
handle being 60 ounces
fade to blackout
80 proof
****
 Oct 2014 Gadus
Duke Thompson
Saturday night passing out on floor
Sleeping on the dog
She's my brood mother
Crumpled cans
Crumble

Cut a swath thru
Tinder *******
Drunk on the floor
With the dog
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