everyone

villainized
victimized
ostracized
and

crucified

She left me white flowers
on the balcony
on the day she stopped trying
to win my love;

the first time I watched her tail-lights
with a crumb of regret.

Used to leave a loaf of bread
on my doorstep
whenever she could not find me,
drunk, alone;

furious in her offer
of easy company.

She left and in her absence
I found little solace
in the poetry I kept from her.
All these pointless words;

another lover lost to meaning,
another lover lost to impossible

dreams of perfection.
All this time afforded to me
to form my words of purpose
and total inaction.

I hope you can't hear my breathing,
Because the lies I've told are unsheathing.

And I walked through Hell and back for you,
But I suppose you wouldn't know that...
...Would you?

Something wild
Something crazy
No amount of pressure can still you
Your heart flutters
Your legs start bouncing
Up and down
Up and down
Shaking non stop
Something wild
Something crazy
Your bloodstream has been caffeinated
Fingers twitching
Always hitting the confines of your pen
Stuck in a seat while all you want to do is run
Your palms are sweating
Your feet are tap
Tap
Tapping
Against the tiled floor
So down you go
Down the hall
Down the road
Chasing away your adrenaline
Your hearts is beating dangerously fast
You slow to a walk
You lay in the grass
You tap
Tap
Tap
Your fingers against your thigh
As you stare achingly into the night sky
Maybe if your adrenaline comes back you could make yourself fly

abuse is a picture that I am forced to paint
with colors I have never seen.
if I draw fists into open arms,
if I sketch an apology in between berating,
if I fill in every empty space with love,
no one will come running for
the child who cried help.

abuse is a phantom limb
still covered in bruises.
white coats and clipboards wonder
how it can still ache when it is no longer there,
infecting me with their doubts.
sometimes it feels heavier
than it did when it was a part of me.

depression eats at my weight until my skin is taut,
boarding up my eyes and locking my mouth.
blame has found solace in this blood,
guilt mutating my thoughts.
my potential used to live here,
but abuse has a reverse Midas touch
where everything that could have become gold
withers in its hands.

Spring clothes the Earth in silk of green
And parades her in a rare sheen
Summer gifts the plants with bloom
And causes the bees to hum and zoom
Autumn makes the leaves yellow
And blesses the season with fruits mellow
Winter brings hail and snow
With icy winds that blow and blow