they tell me "fake a smile and thats the way"
they don't live this isolated and discarded style.
not by choice
as i cut flesh as that is my medicine of choice.
i cannot be fake or have to be so...
shun me... I've already been left like trash for pick up day.
talk about your lovers, show off your photos, and never answer a letter.
as the tears fall upon this blade
as the skin tears and it distracts the pain
Crazy.
live my confined and abused up life and then that game you can play.
my age might be a barrier
my looks
or some excuse like such...
I've heard it all and hit too many road blocks..
i want out of this hell....so badly....
and miss the sun shine so **** much.
i never needed sympathy
i never needed silence
or remarks of faking a smile...
think of why, if you care and truly understand these words....
i need a true friend to support me
not just this knife which is my new prescription..
isn't Mr. sun  real enough to set this imprisoned
soul free?!

If you start to yell and scream,
Count on me to freeze.
I can't take anger directed at me,
I was born with a disease to please.

Average grades are shameful here.
No more B's and C's.
"Good" is just not good enough
When you have a disease to please.

I know people who pass through life,
Jumping hurdles with ease.
I tell myself "not high enough,"
Thanks to my disease to please.

Emotions take more than fair
In situations like these.
I'm completely drained, robbed, ****** dry
From my disease to please.

All this pressure takes its toll,
Constantly, I feel my heart squeeze.
Breaths are rapid, running short,
And I'm dying from my disease.

You ask me if I want you out of my life, if you should go
My only response is a stifled sob
At this moment all I can do is cry.
My head is at it again telling me what to do which is not much really.
I am a prisoner inside of this body and when I am like this I hand all controls over like an obidiant child.
I learnt long ago not to fight or argue because that only hurts people
and by people I mean my thoughts and when I say thoughts I mean me.  When I am like this I sit and I wait there’s nothing I can do nothing anyone can do except wait.

Over thinking is what kills you.
It fools your emotions.
It warps your thoughts.
It mocks your past.
Or maybe,
it just releases whats bottled up
inside your delusional brain.
It gives away your safe house,
like hide and seek it finds you.
It knows your weaknesses
and slowly
but surely
*kills you.