Unity

Is such a funny five lettered word  
Unity makes me see two hands clasping together
Happiness melting through their respected fingers
As if it were butter in the savannah
The sun blessing them with outlining rays
Newly minted and cherished
Everything in the world freezes
Glossing over in perfection
But it only has its perfection because of this newfound love
The world spins in harmony
The atmosphere shatters into a thousand lovely harsh shards
Each one numbered with a past memory of yours
Soon those too will meld together with the present
You see the past and present have always been in love with each other
They share your heart break
They divulge in your laughter
Passing the goblet back and forth between each other
Watching the sun set over this broken boulevard
Strolling down the broken and shattered pavement
Of the floor of your memories  
Grays and blacks symmetrically folded together
Past and present
Ran into death and life
Who would've thought Unity
Would've caused this much peace
In our misshapen world

Four days

On the first
Pitch wolves cried out
Running away from the unruly threats

On the second
Demons left
Their human attachments behind

The thirds shade
Fell behind the tavern door
Systematically infusing its own atoms

With the roughened ale stained planks

On the fourth sun
Loved ones crumbled
The bell tolled eight

Every twin died

That's when the moon
Resplendent in the fade of sorrow
Quaked its mourn

I woke up with stardust in my eyes
All I could see was your smile
I wonder if we both knew what would happen
You said it was a good idea so I followed you
You said everything would be fine nothing could go wrong
I laughed and followed along carefully walking the edges of your smile
Tracing your lips with my fingertips
Watching the sun cast rays over your head
I remember when you said it would be fun being on the run
We could walk on the edge of stars
We would see the past go by on a dying ray of a nebula
We would dip our fondest memories in infinity
Casting them in forever
I looked over a bitter smile on my face
I don't have any memories but if I could
I'd cast your smile in forever
If I could I'd dip your laugh in infinity
I'd mold the butterflies you gave me in amber
To keep their bodies from succumbing to the natural cycle of death
It wasn't supposed to happen like this
We were supposed to walk on the edge of the galaxy together
We were supposed to dance on the graves of our enemies
Casting memories into starlight
Finding untraveled paths
Take the road less traveled
Find unexpected adventures
Find ourselves
But now that I think about it
You wanted me to be happy
You were just distracting me
Trying to be the silver lining over this dreaded situation
So when I look up
At the stars as we sit on the edge of the moon
Defying the impossible
Breathing in the air from space
You tell me that it wasn't supposed to go this way
And I look over at you
As you fade into the velvety blackness
And I find myself alone
Sitting at the edge of space
Suddenly cold
I still have a bitter smile on my face
And if I could I would dip your smile in infinity
I'd cast your laugh in forever
And I would mold the butterflies you gave me into amber
Forever to be preserved

Sun rays shimmering
Champagne days glossed over
Caramelized love
A mere damper on sadness
Thumbelina through the looking glass
A smile on the other side
Wind swimming through the field of your laugh
In the end did these memories even matter?
Or were they just supposed to teach life lessons?

I find it
Ironic
The weight of silence

Still presses
Heavily upon one
In a room full of noise

While whitewashed walls
Stand firm
Keepers of every octave

That weight
Is sadness

Crooning
Proud
Arrogant

Too high in the clouds
Icarus returns
An encore

Only to burn
For another turn

I can thread it through my fingers
Running it in between my fingers
Going over the material of events
Perpetually stargazing what went wrong
Maybe because we were both Scorpios
That's why it didn't work out
Our stingers would both fight for supremacy never getting along
I was always debating every possibility every wrong turn every right turn
Hell even the left turns and the right turns and the U turns
I always wanted to have a plan A
And C
And B
And Z
But I know that even with all of my plans I still had the main plan to love you
So much so
That I loved you better than I ever loved my cracked reflection
The lines spreading out from my eyes
Grazing my throat like a choker that always fit too snuggly
Seeing you is like seeing a quicksilver flash
Just pain and happiness holding hands and dancing in a circle
Making love in sweet July rain
You were always the crashing thunder
I was always the lighting
Illuminating what you never wanted to show me
Because you put me in a glass case
Not because you thought I was delicate
Too delicate for this world
Or because I was a shining object graced by time
You were putting me behind that door
So when you walked away I wouldn't be able to follow
Locked away to be stared at whenever
Avoided after
But I think you forgot
We both kinda forgot
That lighting strikes back
And when I finally got fed up with your ****
I destroyed that glass case
And handed you your *** and never gave you what you wanted
Which was funnily enough
Me
But I was tired of that and I got exhausted from always putting you first
So I decided to break it
And yes
It cut deep
But after everything I've seen
Those shimmering shards that drew my blood
Used it as paint on yet another one of life's canvases
Was worth it
So take as much as you need

Thoughtfully staring out behind a mug
The lip of it poised at my mouth
A flash of a smile
A hint of a rose
Black
Chai
Tea
It coats my tongue
Somehow sweet but still bitterly spice
Oddly comforting
A fallen petal
The warmth pooling
As if its been shot into my coalescing blood stream
Ripples spread out on a ponds surface
I'll love you like you were the last flower
Before a winter storm
Delicate and beautiful
Looking into the mouth
Of a frozen hell
But still refusing to bend
The way the wind wants you to
Splatters of blood on an almost white shirt
Echoes of  your laughter
Cacophonous in my own ears
A withered form of your smirk
When did this town burn?
And when did I let go of the match?
I still don't remember when everything changed
But does anyone really ever remember
Or is everything suppressed under snow coated stones

My bones
They gently cave in
The surface meeting the bottom
Almost like the way your toes splay and shift when walking on sand
Waves of chaos
Tidal blues of panic
Crests of anxiety
Undertows of worry and fraught
My hands quiver
Disastrous stalks
Sway in the wheat field that I unknowingly manufactured
Snaking fissures
Rising up through the slated grey dirt
A beasts maw
Awaiting its next meal
And for desert it'll be my mental health
A deformed shish kabob
I bite down on the vegetables and meat
Only to find a rotted old blood taste in my mouth
Before I can spit it out or even change my mind
My teeth have sown themselves up
My lips have sealed shut
I can't ******* tears
I can't taste the years that I wasted
I tried to the best of my abilities
I showed the world a tender sort of love
That it never thought to show me '
Because when something is beautiful  
I'd rather leave it for other people to see
Because whenever I pick something
It either devours me whole as a result
Or it rots in my fingertips
Gently and lovingly coating each one
One last whisper of a kiss goodbye

A silence like no other
Withers through this tomb
Ensconced wistful wombs

Mother earth
Although weary
Not completely weak

Has still refused to succumb

Refuting a bend in this twisted end

I woke up with stardust in my eyes
All I could see was your smile
I wonder if we both knew what would happen
You said it was a good idea so I followed you
You said everything would be fine nothing could go wrong
I laughed and followed along carefully walking the edges of your smile
Tracing your lips with my fingertips
Watching the sun cast rays over your head
I remember when you said it would be fun being on the run
We could walk on the edge of stars
We would see the past go by on a dying ray of a nebula
We would dip our fondest memories in infinity
Casting them in forever
I looked over a bitter smile on my face
I don't have any memories but if I could
I'd cast your smile in forever
If I could I'd dip your laugh in infinity
I'd mold the butterflies you gave me in amber
To keep their bodies from succumbing to the natural cycle of death
It wasn't supposed to happen like this
We were supposed to walk on the edge of the galaxy together
We were supposed to dance on the graves of our enemies
Casting memories into starlight
Finding untraveled paths
Take the road less traveled
Find unexpected adventures
Find ourselves
But now that I think about it
You wanted me to be happy
You were just distracting me
Trying to be the silver lining over this dreaded situation
So when I look up
At the stars as we sit on the edge of the moon
Defying the impossible
Breathing in the air from space
You tell me that it wasn't supposed to go this way
And I look over at you
As you fade into the velvety blackness
And I find myself alone
Sitting at the edge of space
Suddenly cold
I still have a bitter smile on my face
And if I could I would dip your smile in infinity
I'd cast your laugh in forever
And I would mold the butterflies you gave me into amber
Forever to be preserved

"And when your fourth love leaves you. You will want to **** yourself, but you won't Because you no longer think of suicide as a house you will build one day" ~ Future Tense by Neil Hilborn.

I keep hoping
That if I keep writing enough about you
About us
What happened and what you did
It'll be written out of the existence of my conscious
That the memories will melt away
As if they were frost coated blades of grass
In a lukewarm spring morning
I care you know
About if you're happy now
Maybe
I keep hoping that if I bleed enough ink
Everything will finally stop
And fall
And reorder itself
That the past five years
Will fade out
Through the tip of this pen
The insecurities will be gone
The trauma will be gone
The memories will be gone
You'll be gone
For good
Never existing
A total and complete stranger
Because who you are now
Isn't who I first met
But that's life right?
People changed
I changed
And it hurt like hell
But after that
Everything melded
Faded together
The sun and moon
Will no longer fight for supremacy behind my closed eyelids
Sadness will finally move out of happiness's home
The unwanted roommate
Never paying their rent
Leaving behind tidbits of loneliness
That would always cover
Your vortex infused days of sun
Cozy winter mornings have reappeared
Snuggled in a blanket
Snow caressing my window sill
A gust turned into
An extinct lovers laugh
Because my days are brighter
My pen is lighter
And the ink that I've bled
Over the past five years
Has finally been staunched
From the incisions
On my ugly blue battered
Gun powder heart.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
And karma
Is gonna ******* too
It however may not be today
It may not be tomorrow
But before my final breath
Curls out of my mouth like a wisp of smoke
It will be granted
A Genie lamp rubbed
And the only wish used
Will be the taste of your marrow
Whetting my appetite
Into a frenzy
They always said
That revenge
Made a cold bed fellow
But I digress
Its hot coca
In the middle of my tundra

Twisting turning
Tempest of night
Give me a light
Guide my way tonight
Let me see
The darkest that you could be
Take your skeletons out of the closet
If only so they can alight
To never be a problem for morrow  
Satisfy my eyes with your pretty face
While I ignore the rotting grace
Ever so eternal
A floral shirt lazing in the wind
Whenever did we start
Wherever did we end?
A jaded over happy face  
Your body already half way into the grave
I tried
I did
You were supposed to stay
So when the last ember in my body
Started to wane
You would be the one to lay me down to die
Mourn my vacant shell
Yeast like lungs that won't rise
Fresh tilled soil
Slowly starting to decay from the inside
Careful tending fingers
That will no longer get to learn
The shape of your face
Or the edge of your jawline
Or the lines in your smile
Skin that caves in
That comes away on my fingertips
Like dough
You and I
It seems
We were never supposed to make it
So close to being looped
To forever fake it
You faded through my present
And into my past
I've chemically bonded with the future
Content to stay here.
Forever barred and bonded

The longer I drink from your life source
The more it soothes my vanilla charred nerves
As I sip from the forbidden goblet
Searing down my throat
Love can be a balm
Healing
Mending
But too much of it can be a poison
I keep sipping
Watching the rain streak down the window
Almost able to feel the pitter patter
On my clam frozen skin
Maybe if I drink enough
My hands will stop shaking
When I spread them
I see the silver bells dangling from them
Softer and lighter than any fairies laugh could be
The flavor of your dreams coats my tongue
Oh what it is to be so young
I sit back
Watching the ashes dance  
Steam wafting up to my nose
I saw your last breath
Before I saw your eyes glaze
Turning into vacant mirrors
And it was pure joy
Wrapped in a package
Taped with bones
Oh
What it was to be young again.

I sliced through my ring finger
Stopping at the nerve in seventh
Seeing you is kinda like that sometimes
A not so good tingly nerve pain echoes through that hand
Going to that insignificant part that still cares
You were my first love how can I not
In faerie you've got to make due with what you have
I looked into iceberg blue eyes
Deep sea blue
From electrified gray
But only when there would be a storm a brew
Just my own tears I knew there wouldn't be any gentle voice
Laced with concern knew so well that there would just be an annoyed look
But now
I wake up to a deep forest green and a voice that's drowned in concern
Like tea steeped too long coating my worries into stardew for the sun to melt
Lulling me back to sleep a molten silver when you ask how my day was
A soft blue liquidized with worry when you heard me crying last night
It blended into a glowing cobalt after I told you it was stupid
I know that if you were here you would've tilted my chin up
And told me that nothing I could ever say would be stupid to you
And when I told you
You just told me that it was the sweetest thing ever
To know that I had a soft and caring heart
It shouldn't be
With years of crusted plaster over it
You seem to be taking a hammer and ice pick
Slowly cracking through those layers
Tender sunset kissed flesh beneath
A healthy heart
That isn't entirely shattered
I tried to keep it safe for as long as I could
I think
That it worked
Because the blood is still rushing
And I wake up to you
Asking me how I slept
And my heart speeds up
So I guess I did something right
In ending up on this twisted road to you

The sun beats
Chloroplasts frolick
Greedy alcoholics

Addicted
To the root stretch feel
Of growth

As neurons
Are ever attentive
Picking up new signs

Surveying others
Gentle kisses
Pressed from the lips of fall

Not a warning
More of a promise
Of a soon to return chill

Roses
Sugary morsels
Chocolates
Teddys

How original
And romantic
I sigh
For the fourth time

I think
That I would much rather
Spend my valentine's day
Counting the flecks
Of grey in their eyes

How many times I've heard this laugh
I don't have a disdain for this love
That I've acquired
How many unfinished letters

Poems
Hearts

That they'll receive
Glass droplets
Containing every sweet moment
Cloves

For the moments that haven't been so sweet
Mint for keeping cool
Most of the times
And talking things out

Sage for the fights that we've come back from
A greater sense of understanding towards each  other
Lavender laze
For sleepy mornings

Hazy nights
For one's delight

I am going to kiss the moon tonight

I turn my volume up
Till the voices slowly fade into gray
My heart marches
Along a solidified line of doom
Representation of how the phrase
"I'm fine" is pinned into the center
So instead of just saying it
When my heart beats each time
Eighty beats a minute
It'll say it too
It'll believe it too
So that means I'll believe it
When it croaks from my throat
Searing a path
Burning dishonesty
I have to
When it traces the seams
Of my most vital *****
Besides my brain
But that's fine my brain is taken care of too
Its got the shining
Defiantly bright
Undimming
Tattered word
"Happy"
Swathed around the Cerebrum
Happy
Crusted into the grooves of cerebellum
Happy
And entombed into the brainstem
Happy
I'm happy
I'm fine
I'm happy
My crumpled and wrinkled soul knows differently
So many holes
In this black stained fabric
Moths of self consciousness
Fluttered wings and feasting teams
I'm happy
I'm fine
I smile
I believe it



Almost...

When the stars fall by
I can't feel anything
It was my fault
No matter what I did
It would never fix anything
I was just on this frozen lake
I don't want to be here
I hate it here
It's always cold
And now that the stars I adored have fallen
There's no light
And soon enough there won't be air
And all I can do Is just stare up at this dark sky
And ask
How can this be fair?
I tried
But it was just like trying to swim without arms
And now that I'm happy
You have the nerve to be mad at me for letting go
I didn't understand you then I still don't now
I'm sorry
For what I still can't figure it out

When the stars fall by
I can't feel anything
It was my fault
No matter what I did
It would never fix anything
I was just on this frozen lake
I don't want to be here
I hate it here
It's always cold
And now that the stars I adored have fallen
There's no light
And soon enough there won't be air
And all I can do Is just stare up at this dark sky
And ask
How can this be fair?
I tried
But it was just like trying to swim without arms
And now that I'm happy
You have the nerve to be mad at me for letting go
I didn't understand you then I still don't know
I'm sorry
For what for I still can't figure it out

Without you
I'm empty
You see I never realized
How much of a constant factor
You had become in my life
Now I'm just hollow
Writers block doesn't even visit my bed anymore
I wish you'd come back soon
But with the outlook of today
It doesn't seem like it will happen
I'm going insane without you
I'm sorry I don't know how this happened
I should've taken better care of you
But then I remember that I did
You were spoiled
I loved everything about you
I'm sorry