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He always feared he would be never enough
If he lay beside her in fear of love

Always believing one day she would have gone
Into the arms of another who offered her more

All that he thought and all that was there
were nothing but dreams of a life with her

Entangled lives with tremulous pasts interlaced in a web of lust

But lust is fleeting and isn't love
And dreams were all it ever was
Observations on two people 2013
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
Jude kyrie
The Time Traveller's wife.

Time is a confusion to me these days
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind in my old age
is a time traveling machine.
Where will I be when  I wake?
A thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window.
I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day my love.
Then as I touch her hair
her undisturbed pillow
reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk
in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk of our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time, she smiles.

I am as fascinated with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I. ever  saw her so very long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her
" I love you Honey"
But she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
She asks me.
"Have you considered
the retirement condo Dad
"don’t you get lonely here ?"
I answer quietly.
No kitten,
never lonely.
never lonely.
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
chris
come on, lie to me
          make it easy, let me believe

give me a world
     when're you and i
          could exist outside
              these sheets


                                                                                     let me convince
                                                                                     myself that you
                                                                                     could ever lose me
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
chris
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
chris
he looked at you like you were
the ocean and he was
desperate to
drown.
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
Batool
She kept her emotions
under her head
ignoring always
whatever heart said

she let her brain lead
cause she had a fear
that she'll get hurt
if she lend heart an ear

she had seen people
who followed their hearts
and ended up broken
with the ugly scars

she decided to do
what she deemed wise
locking her heart alone
muffling it's cries

her brain eased the pain
as her heart bled
changing it's color
to pitch black from red

she witnessed her failure
and soul falling apart
she could do nothing
as she was cursed by heart.
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
chris
 Jan 2016 Eiliv Advena
chris
and in the end
i'd do it all
again
I've thought of you
In many ways;
Many complexities
On many days.

I've contemplated your meaning
To my life and the world.
To the universe and beyond,
Through flatiron and curls.

Through tumbling and leaping
Through broken leg and pain.
Through cold winter months
Through sunshine with rain,

Where you opened my eyes
Like the first time you opened yours,
To see what's beyond
Rainbows and other worlds.

You made me cry when you entered THIS world
I've often had tears
Of pain for your suffering
And your glorious new peers.

I think of you often
Over all these tough days
Of life on the planet
Where most is in haze.

Where struggles bring us light
To see far beyond
The sensory input
Such meaningless glum.

You now are much grown
You've gain more than I.
You're far more than I dreamed;
I sit here with sigh

Of relief that you're here
That you've grown to this soul.
With comfort to see
You'll learn more than I'll ever know.

That you'll make your mark
Not judged my a man,
But by whom you are within,
Your soul, your biggest fan.

Stay true to that spirit
Connected to all
Know your worth,
Realize your call.

You've nothing to prove
You are whom you are
And in 1997,
Your mom and I literally made a new star.

You ARE our universe, Carly Grace Bowles.

Happy Birthday!  I so much love you.

Yes. I know I'm early. Lol

Muah!!!!
The visit
She sat at the side of the grave. Talking away to who was there.
She got no answer but she lived her day with him.
She cried for awhile,then laugh with joy as she smiled just for a second.
Her visit was long but to her not long enough she had to visit three more graves.
Her days are spent there at the graves. For her family was lost and bring no joy.
As she walked to the other, she stopped to fix the flag on another. Gave a smile.
Then walked on.
Her visit is joy to her only with unhappiness for those she lost.
As he left she closed the gate. And now you all are safe.
The world I used to think
What a wonderful world
But now that image is gone
It's been replaced by the dark
Darkness that's ever been so mysterious
But never so sure to be safe
You get stuck in this abyss
Abyss of misery
Once you've come in
It's hard to find the exit
Because you're too clouded with useless thoughts
And thoughts that might even ****
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