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2.2k · Oct 2018
The Ink Stain
Diction Oct 2018
You can call this nothing but childish poetry if you want/

Because I say this with complete honesty/

Your opinions mean nothing to me/

Looking for the reason behind the why I find in every line of mine/

Without any doubt this empty is me when I'm in my honesty/

There is no lie for you to see when it's all the same thing as what's hidden inside this poetry/

I will say so what if you don't understand these words I write/

I don't care if you can read this pens bite/

Still as oil are these words the paper snow covered drifts white/

The reason my sanity has yet to flee/

Even though everyday I'm looking at this knife as if to find this mercy/

As I'm constantly bordering conformity of this eventual reality/

Lost in my own insanity/

As I'm individually ment to be mentally segregated/

To keep steadily the steady loss of a sane mentality/

As I kept barely shackled separately separate from my misery these memories/

When I deserve every memory intentionally given to me personally/

Specially those made to cause me pain inside intentionally attacking my happiness/

So I'll be honest/

To those the ones who sent them so they can dry the rain with a wipe to clear their eyes/

I apologise/

I'm like Dr.Jekyll holding on desperately to hide the Mr.Hide hidden inside/

With memories of the psychologically unsteady/

Symmetrically simplistic in this coloured poetry thats making up my reality/

Losing myself in some fantasy/

A chemical chemistry of evolutionary perplexities/

Changing the mentalities of the socially closed personalities/

The ones who are misunderstanding me and what's behind this poetry/

When there's so much more then this man and the fact he's lonely/

These poems being what I feel each night/

Why I'm able to continue to write/

Making these words rhyme to fight off these thoughts of some suicide/

Making up poems line after line/

The only thing that makes me feel fine/

It's what keeps me from completely losing my mind during these moments anxiety sneaks up from behind/

So I'm suddenly overwhelmed  emotionally/

It's as if your falling apart and there's no one there that cares/

No one to make it stop but plenty in the part that's pressed to start/

Most days there's nobody to listen when your not sure if your life is worth living/

Sometimes the pain is so deep your needing something to numb every bit of what your feeling/

Now posted on this line paper that's been red dyed/


Maybe the hurt this time someone will see and finally take my words to heart/

Why the ink cord around my throat is still wet/

An the rest of it's spent on this borrowed piece of parchment/

A page from this mental thought process that's afflicted by the emotionally hopeless/

Constantly dancing with manikins of a manic drug addict/

With cut wrist to remind him that weak thoughts need to become nothing but static/

Keeping my mind distracted/

What secrets are you keeping in the attic/

I'm escaping into a straight jacket fearing my own love as the tragic/

When I've finally had it/

My heart I'll bury deep be it lock set with the sunset/

Secret is, the artist is ment to escape within the ink stain that's set/

This is that moment for me be it I'm now word spent so I went while the paint was still wet/
2.0k · Oct 2018
Mental Accepted
Diction Oct 2018
Diagnosed with mentally afflicting conditions/
Why I'm often covered in depression/
Fighting with addiction/
Suffacating conversations with judgemental complications/
Everyday Im waking up to a handful of medications/
It's embarrassing/
I promise from this moment now until my cremation to always make the best decision/
Despite whatever the caution might be to reach the desired life position/
Someone should have mentioned all the implications psychotic intentions have on relations/
Like the one between myself and all other human beings currently visiting/
Why I'm regularly checking out in day dreams of beautiful poetry that speaks/
Only problem being I'm unable to sometimes distinguish reality in the things I'm seeing/
So Im sorry for everyone that's sat through this psychotic rollercoaster, please don't let it be the me you remember/
Just think, that's my life to own except I often have to experience it alone/
I promise I didn't know the severity until just recently/
What I dont get is why nobody stopped to explain it/
My thoughts I knew were never right, which is why I put them on paper every night/
Finding comfort in the empty white when I write/
Putting my thoughts together every time I make rhymes for these poetry lines/
Made up by this one of a kind mind I sometimes can't find/
Remembering memories of a misery that inspires artistry/
Crafting my poetry from this hearts history/
Pieces of beautifully painted rhymes hidden within nameless poem lines/
The portrait of a forgotten poet coloured forever in this moment/
Doing this is the only thing holding together this cracked barrier/
Around this mind that's mentally unstable covered with an RX label/
Questioning moments if I might be psychotic/
Turning against myself with a straight jacket/
Lock set with the sunset, this I've come to accept/
1.8k · Oct 2018
The Worse Color I Could See
Diction Oct 2018
The worse thing I could see in this life to me
is the insight on what's going on inside the
mind of another person whose eyes when
tested are wide open yet half closed an
glazed fixed with a message
No rest
**** bested
Just like me with a feeling that's overrated
I'm never waking cause your never sleeping
Yeah that's what we call self medicated
Drug dedicated
To ****** up to hate it
Even when your looking into the eyes of another behind a two way mirror that's not so two way
I'm faceless
A psychopath unlike the rest
So let me color this
Wait did you say something
Whos there
No one It's just you
Then whos looking back
Just yourself
That doesn't look like me
Why because they walk talk and dress different
No because I'm here and their there
A fact created by self absorbed ******* who believe to have made it
A bunch of fakes spitting venomous lies deceit filled eyes
Stabbing the backs of friends and foes alike
believing to be justified with what it is they
do
So don't you even begin to believe that
**** too
Now count to blue and remember there's been to few of us created with two sets of eyes so different yet their look is self imitated
Originality being one oh one over one duplicated known to be unrelated
Something I see each time I see my reflection so you're the worst thing I could see along
with this ****** up connection
Now don't get me wrong it’s amazing how we in no way tried to be found found each other
But I don't know if i’m ready for the inside tour of another just like me but uncovered
A psychopathic lover
And as I begin to laugh I hope like me you won't quit because if your like me we're
made for this wicked ****
I'm ****** glitch
Broke like a *****
Why am I so lyrically rich
That being said I gotta say I'm happy that **** so far has stayed where it belongs tucked away unlike this song
Inside my mind with the imagination creations I've created in my crayola crayon nation made education
1.3k · Oct 2018
Who's You
Diction Oct 2018
These drugs act like my heart beat\
Giving me life and commanding my mind\
Telling it to take a seat\
With each euphoria it proclaims to be pure and true\
Who knew it would get you asking your reflection like a fool\
Who's this that's looking back at you\
Your eyes shaded by it's taint now glazed\
Left blood shot red\
Even made so it's bugged out and bled\
Because in the mirror it looks to be a saint\
Covering it's lies in this paint\
Making the pain go away and putting color within the grey\
Or so it will portray\
With smiles and laughs until everything that was you begins to collapse\
As it's grasp contracts\
Ensnaring the mind by confusing facts\
In return leaving you with a fragile body hardly intact\
Left to be eaten away by **** and crack\
Everyday is another day of relapse\
Into the pain that slowly never went away\
As the colors begin fading from the grey\
That was never anything but what it was on that first day\
Every color a lie painted over the eye\
False hope in the sky\
Now do you know who's looking back at you\
Who spent every day thinking it was a day won\
Drowning in the pain that was covered in this crystal rain\
Who knew you'd be left as a false you\
Who spent everyday as a day meant to use\
Just to end up like all the others always to lose\
824 · Oct 2018
I See You and it's Cost
Diction Oct 2018
I see you sitting there face still
Stress peeking out from behind those grey eyes their suffering ever so real
I wish I could tell you it gets better but I wouldn't want you to call me a liar
Despair drowns out all hope as frustration takes away your ability to cope
It hurts to see you there asking to know why asking if someone's there as your ready to cry
Pleading with the demons inside your mind that keep telling you your fine
That you still have plenty of time
Their lies holding you blind taking away all that kept you tied
Trapped inside this place
Still your sitting there straight face
Heart seemingly broken when your feeling love is missing fighting depressive thinking
Wishing and dreaming of something other then this thing the keeps on breaking
Apart from those who are suppose to love you unconditionally saving you from the misery that's desperately angry and constantly feeding into every lie deliberately
All to have you despite the lines it might cross
Maybe the reason you believe to be alone and lost
The cost of using this pens point to describe the shattered mirror sought so please don't get lost in your suicide thoughts
Thats not what a better life really shud cost so take that knife an keep it soft when you drag the blade across
I promise sooner than later the hurt will stop
This was written for a girl I know pleading for suicide believing shes better off dead cut off from her family lost in the comfort of a drug as she's cries wanting to leave it's embrace at the same time.... I see you and I know where your at cause I'm here and I've been there so your not alone... I'm happy to be your friend and happy your here
619 · Oct 2018
So I Melt
Diction Oct 2018
Every night I'm sitting here getting high trying to feel alright\

But every night your not here is another fight\

Struggling inside with this evil version of myself\

Most of the time feeling like around my throat is a belt\

And it's only letting up when I take this lighter to the melt\

So I melt\

Every time the crying I felt\

Running down my face onto the paper I spent my last pen on\

Losing my self in this smoke and this song\

I know when I look in the mirrior this is wrong\

But its been like this for so many years now I'm already to far gone\

For any reason from anyone or myself to belong\

Anywhere in this version of what shouldn't be done\

So I melt\

The only family bond I have at the end of this\

Don't remember what it is to be sober so those days I can't miss\

What todays date\

Last I checked it was December 5th\

Got the day marked here on my wrist\

So I melt\

Waiting for the phone to answer saying I have help\

Treatment for this ******* life I've been dealt\

Someday I'm sure it will be on its way\

But today I'm just gonna have spend it feeling ok\

All the faces I'm faced with begin ta fade\

No lie this is the truth of my pain\

So I melt\

It's no secret myself I hate\

I know theres others that can relate\

Finding yourself pushing over and over that button to delete\

Wishing to take back some words you never meant to speak\

Spending the next week hiding under the bed sheets\

Wondering what it would take for some moment to personally keep\

Why I'm up getting high all night\

Praying never to see that sun light\

So l melt\

Just trying to be like everyone else I see\

Smoking this while I write to just feel alright\

Cause honestly\

Yesterday I went and got treatment\

Any moment now could be my last week\

Spending it trying to feel alright\

An just in case tonight is my last night\

I'ma get high while I got this light to the melt\

So I melt\
575 · Oct 2018
Her Despair and I
Diction Oct 2018
I know we just met but I'ma get this off my chest
These thoughts have me feeling confused so im not to sure what to do
Why I spend my time showing you how I feel making the things seen in the movies seem real
These moments of uncertainty I'm not sure anymore if they're meant to be
When we're missing emotionally the ability to accept that things might actually be good for the first time in history
When so many times they ended the worst way never knowing that wasn't ok
Why sitting next to you is often hard and I'm fearing this will be once again the start of the everything that caused this already broken heart
But I want you to know it's worth fighting these feelings when you smile back at me
Because its been a while since I've had a friend that I couldn't wait to see
It's something I've been needing the reason for these words your reading now I'm no longer left alone day dreaming
And honestly I think the reason this all came so easy is because your just as ****** up as me
Hit by it all mentally
And another manic addict addicted to the skeletons in the attic
Living with no way back from the habit that's the lab kit behind this tragic movie script to a life that's not yet sick
Something I still can't kick
And it's amazing seeing you loving something most see as nothing
While caring about the missing times when people onced shared
One more thing in this life that's often not fair
So despite all you've been facing these traits of yours are worth tasting
Now leave behind the questions that whisper of doubt because it's that happy ending we're both about
Love the piece of you you deceive from yourself and let that pain melt showing it's hidden wealth
Then steady that beat from your heart you keep
When it's locked away in that body of the beautifully tragic looking strong but weak
Longing to be painted with poetry with all that it be
And I hear the words you keep quietly pleading to be clean covered in the chaos of a ***** means
Stitching lies around disguising cries
I wonder how often you ask God your whys
Specially when your hating that self your unsure about leaving it sitting on the shelf that wants to ask for help
But that's alright since it's your every fault that I like wrong or right
I just wish you'd calm down an enjoy the simple moments that slip by
All the ones that should never get a goodbye
So maybe you can relax on the chase that's got you constantly strung high because it hurts seeing the world fall behind your sighs
And truthfully those are all the reasons why
Another about a friend of mine going through a bad time in her life. This is everything I feel and think about from all I've come to see. I know you asked me to write you something about you, and this was the last thing you were thinking I'd write. But these words you need to hear desperately. I'm here for you.
496 · Oct 2018
Never Ink Paper Year
Diction Oct 2018
Here I go again typing this empty note/
Writing every piece as the poem spoke/
Like I'm part Mozart of this now broken pen art/
On an empty keyboard that's missing its paper even more/
So no need to feel the words anymore or write poetry like before/
Before the "Nevermore" that became torn/
The poetic savior of written behavior, poetry made to favor/
It's like the write is no longer a song shaded for the heart when it's gone/
The black coming from the going white, this written scar of papers bite/
Together each mark they leave is what a letter is to every word we read/
The only part in a one, two of a kind piece of art/
Always made beautiful from a white start that's lasting long after all passion has torn black apart/
Sensations of a creative creation without limitations/
Open wide the boundaries you hold for the forever more stories to be told/
Like a sunrise to the moons cries, so are these painted words to rhymes/
As each letter is placed to ask why in lie by the pens side/
It's clear ink dye is shaded red in the lie's why/
Until the pens been bled dry, the why is left in lie/
Told by the stars that light the night sky to the many gazing eyes/
Its whispers told softly of the color we hide behind the tomorrow's we paint goodbye/
For the never year we hear only here/
Ever this, in my Never Ink Paper Year/
464 · Oct 2018
Love Lost
Diction Oct 2018
I've lost all the love in my life an now theres only me and this knife\
With only their misery im left\
Buried deep in my chest while around me is nothing but a mess\
******* up and torn into tiny little shreads I'm hanging on only by the lies running through my head\
Promising truth in the happiness we pretend isn't dead\
So we're dreaming of better days in these memories of a yesterday\
When the pain was still just a hollow stain resting on this bleeding vain\
Watching the smiles that once came despite what's trapped deep in my brain\
Ready to rip it self apart from this love that's kept it detained\
Why my love I'm missing as each day a price is paid\
It's what distracts me from my rain always feeling wet with a look of disdain\
As it's come to be the only thing Im able to taste when looking for hope behind the now blank face\
Waiting for something to fill in it's empty space since losing this love has me feeling out of place\
Disconnected an resented\
We're not meant to meet forever to be kept separate\
So I'm the person that's never to become accepted\
The reason I'm always upset an feeling unrested\
In order for others to be protected I agreed to the lost of my love and departed\
Lovesick I'm now painted\
Diction Oct 2018
Honestly I think this is me giving up again as I relapse back into this sin/
Watching the morning pass me by as white fades to black/
It takes everything in me not to look back/
Inside I'm fighting to forget the past that's had me held so fast/
Relax they say the moment will pass/
Another memory to remember the misery that's been blessed to be the only thing given to me/
While the few people around keep repeating It's gonna be ok/
Like they've lived my life for even a day/
Pain and loneliness that's the price I pay/
These tears and blood are what paved the way/
That's why I don't care if this life is taken away/
I want the music to change so let the silence play/
I'm a coward who's tired/
More afraid to live then I am of being dead/
As your promise keeps ringing in my ear as a whispered lie/
So what if you cried for a night/
I've been crying my whole life here take this knife and cut the wrist on my right/
Left one left with you when you took back everything you said that night/
Am I dreaming or are we playing make pretend so we don't feel alone when we lay in this bed/
I guess it doesn't really matter when it's this nothing I'm really after/
Depressed some of you probably think I've become when honestly/
I'm just upset at the lack of humanity/
Why I'm cursed by insanity and afflicted by the fake sincerity/
Of every made up reason given so it was ok for each one of you to walk away as if it was just another day like it was yesterday/
How easy it is to **** when your the one pulling the trigger as you will/
When all you have to do is pop another pill/
Do the thoughts of me yield so i can be forgotten/
Your face so still/
This false love was the loaded gun that made my life numb/
The bullet was made from your lies killing what little was left inside/
Every syllable formed is now dust/
Your words but rust/
In the mirror my eyes are lifeless the witness to its own emptiness/
Heartless
Now I'm colorless/
Black and white don't make or break the happiness/
Everybody bleeds the same color so why doesn't my life matter/
Sadder and sadder I become as my feelings fall deeper and deeper/
Feeling like a needle pressed slowly in is my only lover that still makes my veins flutter/
Despite drowning in water on this silent bottom i truly prefer/
Lost in my shadow always begging her for more searching for the suffer of forever torn/
Papers litter the floor of my mind as the tatter bits of you scattering memories of ink onto this blank letter/
Was i muttering writings of rhymes or poetry you tell me/
All I know is I was whole once before then you came along knocking down doors/
Filling me full of promises and things I was looking for/
When I was at my lowest hoping to be unnoticed you made living a choice/
For you I decided suicide wasn't alright half empty you smiled as I laid at your feet/
Weak from the tomorrow's that made yesterday/
Why help me if you were just gonna leave today/
All the love I felt I wont say I wish I never gave cause the same love i continue to save/
Dreaming of a day when I'm able to hand it away to a girl who's willing to do the same/
Lay here with me where we can feel ok because we both feel the same pain/
Rain on my face doesn't explain why the sky is grey/
When there's no clouds and the sun is the only thing out in every way/
Yet the rain is still falling an it makes no sound as it makes its way down/
So my sin I welcome again as I relapse back into this ground I lay on waiting to be found/
Rhyme of reality or dream of poetry which will it be/
Desperate human being or no longer breathing/
Which ones me I've yet to see if that's even a possibility/
Diction Oct 2018
Dear Artist/
Your art sings to me like a soft kiss/
And as the poetic words are spoken they stop to rest carefully here atop my lips/
Tasting of loneliness/
Something I understand well unfortunately from years of misery/
It regrettably makes up most of my memories/
Every moment I'd spent ready to surrender from the pain I suffered/
Often left to ponder/
Why me/
Does nobody see these scars that bleed/
Upset that so many could leave me with such ease/
Always leaving questions unanswered inside my mind/
Despite all the times I screamed out their names/
Because in the end/
I wasnt worth the compassion let alone the attention/
Feelings of depression/
Thoughts saying Im nothing/
Convinced I deserve this/
Listening to the emptiness echoing in my chest/
I've felt it all myself once before, unable to drown in the liquor anymore/
All I wanted to do was turn up the music and let the silence play through it/
So know your not alone having to deal with everything on your own/
There's always this place where people care about the pain you share/
Wanting to hear things from your joys to things you fear/
Where we love this art we all write/
An the company of another poets insight/
Just remember things get easier/
Cause its always better tomorrow I swear/
So I guess I'll end this letter and see you there/
Yours truly, Diction "****** Glitched" Diers/
269 · Apr 2019
Soon It's Fine Suicide
Diction Apr 2019
It's crazy the **** that comes to my mind when I pick up this pen and begin laying down a rhyme/
What might be me when I'm thinking suicide/
Borderline ****** probably why my jackets been tied with me trapped inside/
As the razor blade follows this open wrist "that's right" they said "just follow the line" every vein waking up the demons sleeping deep inside/
So I'm constantly laughing when people insist on telling me I've experienced nothing compared to their tragic life like next to them I've lived nothing/
Almost as if I'm doing anything but fine/
Because this smile I cant seem to hide the only time I lie telling the questions that I'm alright/
No one knowing anything of the demons I secretly fight/
The ones I'm barely keeping locked behind this false heart beating inside myself without any help/
So they can keep that forgotten horizon I once saw rise on the other side of whats been beautiful dead/
Red rose hidden beneath grey eyes I keep personally mine/
Depression hitting harder then any trigger pulled as this barrel rest against my broken mind as the painted memories of lost times flow freely thru the tears I've cried/
I wanna know how many might know what it's like to spend hollow nights alone/
Afraid to let go of the tears that continue to flow as if they were the only thing keeping you whole/
Struggling to never let go of that special someone no one knows but you because no ones ever done anything but eventually decide it's time to go/
So the worlds now become a world of cold/
Wondering if it's alright that this red paint thats covering you from wrist to waist might stain this once empty wall  staring blank face where you've left your soon it's fine note/
Hoping you at least got that right before the noose closes tight around your throat/
Love was the last thing they happily wrote/
239 · Oct 2018
Suicide Reasons
Diction Oct 2018
Despair whispers in my ear an the sound of a razor blade on my wrist is all it wants to hear\

This life can be taken away as far as I care\

Reality being that my misery and loneliness alone I can no longer bare when it's like I'm trapped in this constant nightmare\

Walking through these days with a never fading fear left to wait for my savior to appear\

Is anyone there I'd really like to know if so then where\

Out of this window I stare and it doesn't look like these grey clouds will ever clear\

The reason why I'm currently contemplating suicide feeling things would be better off if I was to die\

Saying my goodbye I gave living a try\

Time for something new my hand full of pills\

A battle of wills\

Anyone who feels the same I get it and your not to blame so don't be the reason for your famliys pain\

Flush those pills and put down that razor blade it's to soon for you to be just a memory that will never fade\

There's a better way just listen to me and what I say\

Because every day it breaks me to pieces when you can't find enough reasons\

Your life is worth keeping so I'm here for you is what I guess I've been saying\

Reach out and message me if you need someone at night I'll be there ready to write\

Take care of your life\

Your the only thing needed for this suicide I'll help you to fight\
235 · Oct 2018
In this Papers White
Diction Oct 2018
Caught in the sight of this papers white\

I pull back the pen as I press the needle under my skin\

Looking for some love hidden beneath this sin\

Painted memories etched in this vein\

Moments of misery left in this name\

P.A.I.N. spells this pain\

So I'm running from everything including this life\

Since I'm to cowardly most nights to end it with this knife\

Missing all those times I wasn't meant to keep\

Except in this place where I'm left to dream\

The only moment when I'm able to see\

The horizon where I'd like to be\

Lost in those eyes always looking back at me\

From the stain on this window pane\

My glass shame\

A poets insight on the insane\

Caught once again in the sight of this papers white\
233 · Oct 2018
Night Art of this Dying Art
Diction Oct 2018
Every night I sit and I vibe with this music and pen trying to describe the feelings hidden inside these walls I call my eyes\
Shaded with the stains of those I've hurt
With every lil flirt I convert\
Keeping you alert to the pain that is the twisted mind of mine\
Never will I be fine as I turn one into nine like blood to wine\
Consuming every line\
Only to be remembered by my time in the light as I fall from sight\
So before the sun fades away to bring the night\
I'ma turn wrong to right and take the life that should of been mine\
Pushing the line between heaven and hell with only the sound of a bell to remind you of what I'm about to tell\
And as the beginning becomes the end and begins to mend this body of mine\
What I hide behind for inside I'm nothing but a used up man shattered by the tears that fall from the moon for she weeps for me and my pain\
Making it rain as I become insane\
Lost within the fires of fame burning my shame and consuming my name\
With the flame created by the same as what I became\
My sin\
Born from the ashes of wrongful lust lost in a secret desire hidden within an appetite to be the best\
So I say to all the rest now begins the test\
For with this blade your eyes will fade away to grey ending the day before it can start\
As I take these words from my heart and turn them into a piece of art\
Every little letter playing it's part creating this my night art of this dying heart\
231 · Nov 2018
Sorry, I'm Here
Diction Nov 2018
Dear You,
I guess this is me doing the only thing I know how to do when I'm missing the clue
Now if only I knew
Should I or shouldn't I wait on some kind of que from you
Because it's been, as of today, several days since we last spoke
You're just enjoying life I hope
Havent heard from you since last Monday and since then I'd like to think your doing better then just okay
Because your a friend I honestly wouldn't like to have leave just yet when we just recently met
But I'll say if you did it would become something Id truly regret  
And I'll admit that it would be mostly my fault
There's no reason I wasn't able to pick up this phone and give you a call
We honestly shared something that deserves better than the empty silence that has now sat for so long
I'm now left wondering why I did something so wrong
Because this relationship is worth more then the glance back that says it's less then that and I'm saying that as fact
When just you alone are worth more than anything anyone could ever think to believe
Since your the one and only one that makes the you no one could come to be
So when I say I'm sorry I truly mean every word you see
And I'll put all that I have in to making it show in my poetry even if it means showing the real me
Since its the only way I'm able to express the things I struggle to say
I hope that's okay
Because I would notice if your life was to change in a way that wasn't done in the best of ways like it has today
And how it's come to such a thing I couldn't begin to explain
But I know I shouldn't need to hear your voice walk away to experience this rain
When I should have honestly came and got you that day
So I'm sorry if you had it feel in any way
Like I've done some things that have caused you some kind of pain
Or felt that loneliness that wasn't yours just because it sometimes likes to pour
But you have to know
There won't always be a reason for why you always stay covered when eventually there's an end to all bad weather
Wet things can't get any wetter
Something to remeber
Sincerely your friend forever
Diction Dier
221 · Oct 2018
Love and Lust
Diction Oct 2018
Love is the scare left behind by the knife blade forged with this lifes strife\

A patch to cover this wound that is my weakness believe this an know no kiss will bring the wanted bliss\

Known to come with love that blinds us lust u can always trust knowing this is a must\

Now open your heart an never mistake love for lust and with the first kiss turn the world to dust\
214 · May 2019
Memories
Diction May 2019
Here I am again thinking of you
No sleep
Heart ache
Wishing you could forgive every mistake
Your voice slowly becoming a whisper in the wind taking every memory of you away
The reason for these tears running down my face
Feeling in what now appears to be an empty world that I've become some how outta place
Like an angel who's fallen from grace
Burning ashes at my feet
Begging for this all to be a bad dream
I'm screaming please
If only you wouldn't leave you'd be able to see that you'd no longer need to be disappointed in me
20 words that seem to be running on repeat in my head until I'm wishing I was dead
Numb to all but the pain of knowing I'm the one to blame
"I'm sorry" I keep saying until my voice gives way
The music of my heart slowly fading away as the silence begins to play
Wondering if this is the way everything was meant to be because of every selfish action I decided to take in place of the love you tried to display
Despite each time I had taken it and thrown it away
Never thinking that one day it'd be the one thing I'd miss more then anything
Memories of those days by your side seem to now be slipping goodbye into the endless grey of yesterday
Can you promise you'll at least remember me when there's nothing left for me but regret for you to see when you look at me
Each day finding its getting harder to breathe
Finding it easier to be angry at you but only seeing me when looking for you in this reflection of everything we use to be
This misery
I didn't think it would ever come to be
The greed
Wanting there to be more then just me in the words of "you and me" when I speak
Pleading
That the misery bleeds away and the greed becomes something I no longer need
So Father
Won't you find it in you to understand how far I've come to just reach out with this hand
Steady and free of doubt that you'd come to see no disgrace in the sins I've washed away
Accepting the fact I'll never get my wings back
Asking for only the words "it's okay" so I can continue making it through another day
Father
I'm truly sorry
Lost in this poetry of misery
My last memory
My only reality
Hopefully it won't end with just me
Father please
209 · Oct 2018
Depression
Diction Oct 2018
With this paper and pen I let go of all this pain\
Watching moments pass me by with this life caught in a lonely rain\
Everyday wishing for something better when I write\
Questioning all the wrongs in my life\
Looking for that bright light kept just out of sight\
Suffering from depression that just won't leave me alone\
Living in an empty home hollow inside so I lose my self in this song\
So many days without you I don't know what to do\
Looking in this mirror without a clue to who it is staring back at me wish I knew\
Tierd of having to do so much on my own never having anyone call my phone\
Does anybody even know I'm alive it's not like I've been living a lie\
Spending hours asking why it's not like I didn't take the time to try\
No one's looking out for my best interest so I let this ink flow from this cut wrist\
Hope my suicide grants somebody's wish\
Now I'm saying my goodbyes not that anyone's wondering why\
No one listens maybe why I was able to find so many reasons\
Mind full of bad intentions\
These regrets I'm missing\
Killed by my depression suicide is my only mission\
171 · Oct 2018
Yesterday Today Tomorrow
Diction Oct 2018
The light comes out to play every morning an every morning I wait to say goodbye/

Trapped in this day light of lies shinning in my eyes/

Image covered/

Permanently false an idolized like this is the world that was prophesized/

Diseased prized/

Covered in the human races pride/

Today's cyanide/

Recognition denied just another yesterday's problem pushed aside/

Like tomorrow's sunrise keep your eyes wide/

Or you'll miss that one of a kind moment when yesterday and today are tied/

As the moon kisses the sun on the horizon's side of beautifully blind/
170 · Oct 2018
Happiness
Diction Oct 2018
Straight from the mind to the paper
Pen dipped red coloring the writer
Inside here my thoughts sink deeper
Deeper then the eyes of her
That blank stare
Sharper then a knife
Seeking a life in the night
Blind side locked tight
She's got my number
The *******
You can keep her
She'll take you further then the after
What is it that matters
To me it's my day dreams
My escape from all these sins
Those short commings
Why I keep going and going
These eyes are snowing
Coloring my suffering
Pain that's everlasting
The memories falling
Remember me
Something I'd like to be
Even a little thought would be fine
Forever stopped in time
Caught in a line
Continue this rhyme
Happiness I hope you can find
Diction Oct 2018
Everyday I'm feeling a little more ****** up
It's like I can't breathe anymore cause my minds stuck
Pulling back this chamber is for luck
Putting it's barrel to this temple is ******
Bang I wake up
It wasn't enough to pull me back from the black
It's weight is getting to be to much on my back **** that
Inside I'm dying wishing instead for a better life before this one ends up dead
You can find me screaming get out of my head
Tired of all the whispers said
Cause I'm barely getting by with day to day medication as my salvation
Asking who the **** is this man in the mirror I'm facing
When I'm wasting away
Glass I'm tasting
As I try holding onto my sanity with dedication since what I'm facing is beyond imagination
It's all I can do to try taking it on in some moderation
Fighting suffocation
Deep down I'm mentally fading away into some basement, like I'm looking at life thru some air vent
Wondering what the **** it meant
Where was it I've been sent
Last I remember I tried to commit suicide but when I put the blade to my wrist the knife only bent
Now I can see padded walls when ever I blink
As I'm staring at this cement
Hoping things will make sense any minute and then before I knew it the padded walls stayed
And I'm sitting in a straight jacket
Pictures on the wall of a black and grey casket
Looking past it I can see what happened
I'm sorry for all the sadness
I never meant you to see me wrapped in this plastic I just couldn't handle anymore of the madness
So if you will sympathetically forgive me regrettably this is how it had to be
Selfishly for me so suddenly I didn't want you to see
I know it doesn't make sense so please don't plead for answers when there's no need
All you gotta do is take the time to read this little note I wrote
Hidden in the attic I hope you can find it
It's in a blood soaked envelope holding everything I wrote about why I felt I had to die
Stories about every time I tied the tie tight around my throat
The noose that broke
To the kitchen floor where blood flowed
The wrist that choked
While explaining feelings deep inside that fogged my mind
And the questions that plagued my every why I couldn't find
Misery loves lies
Let me show you it's life threw my eyes one rhyme at a time
So don't step off the paper line as you watch the pens cries dance across each words spine
I hope you survive the diary of an addict who's finally had it
Sincerely yours truly this the psychopathic of the tragic
159 · Oct 2018
One Into Nine
Diction Oct 2018
No I didn't copy Lil Wayne\
**** that ***** I'll beat his *** with a cane\
You'd have to be insane to copy lines from a guy that gets his tips from Justin Bieber\
When I can easily burn threw his rhymes like a wild fever\
Yes you could say I'm his lyrical reaper\
Putting his lines to rest\
My voice cold like death\
With lyrics more addicting than ****\
Taking your breath along with your fame\
No we're not the same\
Transmuting what I want to what I need\
Yea just call me greed\
Killing fakes is my creed\
Original and authentic are my rhymes\
Hot and sweet are these lines\
When they flow through the air like a coke fueled storm making this chill beat change form into what you'll remember as the hottest thing born\
So **** the sun\
Like the moon I'ma light up this night taking all the fakes out of sight with every word i write\
Blessed and divine by the gods I might be when I'm writing as one of the best\
Singled out from the rest\
Yes I'm always wearing my vest never knowing when I could be given another test\
My name being screamed from the east to the west until I'm put under arrest for starting the movement that put aspiring lyricist out of the game and onto the streets\
While their fans wait to take their seats at my shows consumed by these hypnotic flows emanating from the words I sew into these lines\
The very root to the rhymes that's got you ignoring all the obvious signs\
Screaming it's your time to become number two making room for the new that is me
Everything you was could and wish to be\
So take a knee and pass the crown\
I'm taking control of the town\
Your name and style soon to drown\
Where it goes no one knows\
The pink mist never shows and quiet are the crows\
Reminders of the lives I took here's my attack\
Because if it's skill you think I lack\
Wait until I turn the key letting out the thing I've caged inside this shell I call my mind\
Then you will find that I've become insane unable to hold back all I've come to gain\
And like the rain I'll enclose all those below me in pain\
Unveiling the nightmare created within the hate that fuels the desire to control my fate\
And before it's to late\
Maybe take my hand and see what I want to aspire to become when some become none\
Nine lines unable to be undone ending this before it had begun\
And to call me number one would be a misnomer\
Their memories are over\
Giving me pride in the label I'm given\
These three words setting me free\
So remember when you look at my shrine\
I'm that which is called "One into Nine"\
154 · Oct 2018
Without You
Diction Oct 2018
Looking up at this ceiling I'm left with this empty feeling
A hollow hole in my chest where your head last rest
These late nights spent thinking of you consumes every aspiration
Except the actions that end with me being with you, my only destination
A ruthless contraption without satisfaction
Does this misery mean nothing to you
What about this pain you put me through
Holding onto every memory you so kindly leave with me
Until I'm sick and on one knee begging you please
Would you just look at me and tell me what it is you see
Cause when I look at you all I see is everything I need
152 · Oct 2018
Honest Promise
Diction Oct 2018
If I could write in the sands of time I would write your name, and anything you did I would take the blame/
As the spring rain brings new life of joy, I am blessed with a mid Christmas toy/
Love was just a dream hidden in the dark of night, until you took my hand and showed me the warmth of the sunlight/
Heart heavy and full I fall into your eyes glistening stare, with a flutter of hope I'm thrown into a world created by life's beautiful glare/
Nightmares come and go, as the Autumn trees begin to glow/
Soft crystal tears start to fall, as happiness begins it's wonderful crawl/
Lips so sweet and full of lust, a single kiss will turn the world to dust/
Stay with me and help me find, the thing that makes us oh so blind/
Forget your past and come with me, I will show you how to create a home with life's only key/
The Earth may move alone in space, but you will always have me just look at my face/
136 · Oct 2018
No Meaning
Diction Oct 2018
Ok, ready set go/
I'ma pull this trigger and let my mind explode/
Like a painted car crash that's about to unfold/
These thoughts are told/
Uncontrolled/
Covering these wall like the number twenty three/
Explaining my insanity/
Its the soul carried in me/
This pens writing being the key to unlocking it's locked chest behind my chest/
Tightening without rest to protect what's left/
If only they would try to understand/
That someday's I'm not always alright/
Specially when I'm to tired to fight/
So I'ma give into this depression/
Despite complication/
Hoping to find some satisfaction/
Be it wrong or right/
So I can lay down tonight/
Even if it is on this bed of rhymes/
So many times I've asked why/
Maybe this time I'll be able to bring to light/
What's been missing so long from sight/
So I won't always seem like I'm so impolite/
Late nights alone wanting to die/
When no ones there to answer me/
So I often scream trapped in this misery/
**** chivalry/
I'm worn out and lost/
Tired of my kids always paying the cost/
Why I'm so angry and *******/
Sick of doing the things I'm told I need to do/
Just so I can give my family something new/
Other then a new room to stay in each time we're having to move/
Because I can't talk to people about what it is I'm doing when I"m up till two/
Looking in this mirror I just wish you people knew/
What it is I really do thanks to you/
I'm grateful for all they've given my family/
Why can't they see that when they talk to me/
Maybe after this rhyme I write from my knees/
The clock flashing three/
They'll finally know I'm serious when i say/
I'm sorry/
I'm honestly trying/
Inside I'm dying/
I wish I was lying/
But it's hard to when I'm always crying/
Begging for understanding when I'm hiding/
Silently I'm signing/
This writing is what I'm feeling/
Help is what I'm needing/
Something other then misleading readings/
Cause for the first time this is me truly pleading/
This Colt.45 is problem deleting/
For the desperate human being/
Tired of these eyes bleeding/
No meaning/
129 · Oct 2018
Dear Father
Diction Oct 2018
It's been how long now since we last spoke/
Can you even remember the last promise you made to me/
If not let me leave you this with this note/
Cause I remember it all despite being outta my mind at the time by the drugs I introduced with open arms to hide the pain I'd been suffering from for longer than I can remember/
Until I found myself doing anything i could to feel alright/
Needle marks covering my arms/
Attempting suicide becoming too much work when all I want to do is block out the hurt/
That's gripping at this chest so bad I'm tearing off my shirt trying to catch my breath/
Unable to ever relax except on the days I just trap myself inside my head/
Where I'm comforted by my delusions of the painful reality left behind/
Psychologically empty/
Leaving the driver seat vacant a desperate solution to the complications I could no longer control on my own/
Spending most nights praying to whoever would listen/
Hoping they'd take away the misery plaguing me mentally/
Persistently leaving me with this depression so I'm anxiously left fighting/
To keep my head above the water afraid of drowning until I'm left in a panic/
Desperately reaching for dry land where I hopefully can get a handle on myself/
While I'm constantly struggling to maintain an unstable mind/
That sometimes makes it so I can't recognize the man i face in the mirror/
Disconnecting me and leaving me wondering if I'm even real/
You told me you would get me help and If I ever wanted us to speak again I had to get treatment/
So I went an completed the program/
All I want to know is why you weren't there to congratulate me on the day I graduated/
An months later I still don't hear from you what made you no longer care about me/
Thought you promised you'd always be there your the only reason I ever drop a tear/
Missing memories I worry we're missing as the years get fewer and fewer/
I love you hope you get to hear it sooner rather than later/
I'm proud to be able to call you Father I just hope this makes its way to you/
Love your son forever/
127 · Oct 2018
Missing Partnership
Diction Oct 2018
Heres a little piece of my heart I would like to share in this lyrical art\

It's been playing the biggest part in my life as this papers white\

Leaving a new found outlook right in sight\

As the ****** glitched accepted as poet tested\

One of its own kind looking for a friend similar in mind\

A one and only, like me, born to be from this ****** wicked place I came to see\

And I'm thankful everyday for the talent most can't compare\

These ambitions have been twisted impared with a dream that's shared\

A family love that'll never tare\

An like so many others this poetry is my passion\

Black and white painted fashion\

Being the memoirs of an addict whos had it\

Whos sad of it\

Whos never it\

This Poet is needing a partnership of another artist\

One that feels every word of this as they move me with every flick of their wrist\

Two, one of a kind poetically crafted compositions of a ****** innate craft individually twisted\

So please if you will create with me something more then the norm but a legacy not crafted but torn\

Taken from the minds of the unnoticed, unnoticed by even those that might notice\

Depths of their insainity only now am I ready to explore\

So let me start by being the first to introduce myself forever more\

I'm Diction, "****** Gliched", Dier\

I've been addicted to the arts ever since I was first kissed by her\

Psychologically possessed by her\

With rhymes in everything I come to see to the point where every thought of mine is but one these lines\

The inspired drawn images of concepts individually mine\

Wickedly messed up in the mind\

Life glitched beautifully to shine when it shines\

Another side of the something taken with every compostion that's written\

Sometimes seen without even a glance given so it's now walking dead living\  

Guess I'm monster shaded, hated, coloured as the now tainted\

This one poetic stain that gave it\

Written like an artist who's tamed it\

The same bit\

An artisan it created\

I hate it\

Forget it\

One last time I'll confess it\

Guess it's forever this\

Poetry stated lines of the other half who's new like you\

Cant wait to meet my other half before I'm dead like you\
119 · Oct 2018
Needle
Diction Oct 2018
I push it in and pull it back when i see the red flag I let it go and drive it home
Spending everyday under the point looking for some peace inside its crystal white
Head high in the glass clouds scattered across the hollow crowds
Worries left far behind in the lonely world where all my pain was heard
Tracks on my arm telling of the misery I've gone through each mark speaking of each night spent alone
No calls or messages on this silent phone trapped in my head the place I call home
So I pull this pen back once more letting all the tears go
113 · Oct 2018
This Mask
Diction Oct 2018
Even with the day to day depression some things are looking better then before\

It's raining a little less and the sun is shinning a little more\

A little more then before\

Before the smile that came with a little work\

When it appeared as nothing more then a smirk\

Before the laughter that hurt\

That made the body shake inside it's shirt\

But these better things I know won't last\

It's been written many times in the past/

Sooner or later the mask has to come off/

Cough/

Cough/

The mask has to come off\

What my face had looked like I've suddenly forgot\
Diction Oct 2018
I don't know how much longer I can take this/

Every day it's getting harder to fake this/

I hate this/

Waking up to a house full possessions and empty confessions/

It's depressing/

Now every time I look in the mirror I see nothing but misery/

The shadows under my eyes are getting darker and staying alive is getting harder/

But what can I do/

I'm just a lonely man with nothing in this hand while waiting for the hour glass to run out of sand/

Singing my rhymes and reminiscing about all the good times/

And every time I didn't cross the line so just for a minute things might seem fine/

Honestly life is hard being me when you spend your time watching it pass you by/

Some days it gets so hard I just want to break down and cry but I'm afraid to let my daughter see me/

Asking questions why/

So I lock myself in this room and let the tears fall into some empty song/

Now what do you do when what little you had is taken an your left angry, body shaking/

No matter what you cant undue whats been done the hope now gone/

So giving up is the only thing you come to desire cause everyday feels like your hanging on by a wire/

Never knowing if your gonna fall and having no one to call/

That's my life and every day feels like I might die as if I should always be ready to say goodbye/

Thinking of how things use to be in the past only makes it worse with the reality that my last stones already been cast/

So by the end of the day I'm almost taken off my feet with the feeling of defeat/

As I lay down on the bed sheet I begin to feel like I'm buried in concrete/

Knowing that I will have to go through it all again when I wake leaves me to pray to be ok/

So just maybe I can do it one more time with the help of just one more rhyme/
109 · Oct 2018
Deciding to Hold On
Diction Oct 2018
I spent my whole life trying to be what I thought was right/

So much time spent questioning myself each night/

When I really just needed to do what I believed was right/

Trusting myself to find comfort as I push aside these worry's from sight/

Since everyday is a challenge as I try all I can to gain some kind of insight\

On this choice I've been left to decide\

Do I follow the light or stand in the dark\

Alone ready to fight\

It's as if everythings always so black an white\

Black an white like my sight\

A test between what I believe is wrong and right/

A choice I'm not ready to commit on\

Not when I have so much left to do before I'm gone/

To be honest I don't think I'll be ready until the end of this song\

Hoping the end will take me down a road that's beautiful and long\

Scared that I won't belong\

So until I'm unable to I'm going to keep holding on\

— The End —