Honestly I think this is me giving up again as I relapse back into this sin/
Watching the morning pass me by as white fades to black/
It takes everything in me not to look back/
Inside I'm fighting to forget the past that's had me held so fast/
Relax they say the moment will pass/
Another memory to remember the misery that's been blessed to be the only thing given to me/
While the few people around keep repeating It's gonna be ok/
Like they've lived my life for even a day/
Pain and loneliness that's the price I pay/
These tears and blood are what paved the way/
That's why I don't care if this life is taken away/
I want the music to change so let the silence play/
I'm a coward who's tired/
More afraid to live then I am of being dead/
As your promise keeps ringing in my ear as a whispered lie/
So what if you cried for a night/
I've been crying my whole life here take this knife and cut the wrist on my right/
Left one left with you when you took back everything you said that night/
Am I dreaming or are we playing make pretend so we don't feel alone when we lay in this bed/
I guess it doesn't really matter when it's this nothing I'm really after/
Depressed some of you probably think I've become when honestly/
I'm just upset at the lack of humanity/
Why I'm cursed by insanity and afflicted by the fake sincerity/
Of every made up reason given so it was ok for each one of you to walk away as if it was just another day like it was yesterday/
How easy it is to **** when your the one pulling the trigger as you will/
When all you have to do is pop another pill/
Do the thoughts of me yield so i can be forgotten/
Your face so still/
This false love was the loaded gun that made my life numb/
The bullet was made from your lies killing what little was left inside/
Every syllable formed is now dust/
Your words but rust/
In the mirror my eyes are lifeless the witness to its own emptiness/
Heartless
Now I'm colorless/
Black and white don't make or break the happiness/
Everybody bleeds the same color so why doesn't my life matter/
Sadder and sadder I become as my feelings fall deeper and deeper/
Feeling like a needle pressed slowly in is my only lover that still makes my veins flutter/
Despite drowning in water on this silent bottom i truly prefer/
Lost in my shadow always begging her for more searching for the suffer of forever torn/
Papers litter the floor of my mind as the tatter bits of you scattering memories of ink onto this blank letter/
Was i muttering writings of rhymes or poetry you tell me/
All I know is I was whole once before then you came along knocking down doors/
Filling me full of promises and things I was looking for/
When I was at my lowest hoping to be unnoticed you made living a choice/
For you I decided suicide wasn't alright half empty you smiled as I laid at your feet/
Weak from the tomorrow's that made yesterday/
Why help me if you were just gonna leave today/
All the love I felt I wont say I wish I never gave cause the same love i continue to save/
Dreaming of a day when I'm able to hand it away to a girl who's willing to do the same/
Lay here with me where we can feel ok because we both feel the same pain/
Rain on my face doesn't explain why the sky is grey/
When there's no clouds and the sun is the only thing out in every way/
Yet the rain is still falling an it makes no sound as it makes its way down/
So my sin I welcome again as I relapse back into this ground I lay on waiting to be found/
Rhyme of reality or dream of poetry which will it be/
Desperate human being or no longer breathing/
Which ones me I've yet to see if that's even a possibility/

If I could write in the sands of time I would write your name, and anything you did I would take the blame/
As the spring rain brings new life of joy, I am blessed with a mid Christmas toy/
Love was just a dream hidden in the dark of night, until you took my hand and showed me the warmth of the sunlight/
Heart heavy and full I fall into your eyes glistening stare, with a flutter of hope I'm thrown into a world created by life's beautiful glare/
Nightmares come and go, as the Autumn trees begin to glow/
Soft crystal tears start to fall, as happiness begins it's wonderful crawl/
Lips so sweet and full of lust, a single kiss will turn the world to dust/
Stay with me and help me find, the thing that makes us oh so blind/
Forget your past and come with me, I will show you how to create a home with life's only key/
The Earth may move alone in space, but you will always have me just look at my face/

Ok, ready set go/
I'ma pull this trigger and let my mind explode/
Like a painted car crash that's about to unfold/
These thoughts are told/
Uncontrolled/
Covering these wall like the number twenty three/
Explaining my insanity/
Its the soul carried in me/
This pens writing being the key to unlocking it's locked chest behind my chest/
Tightening without rest to protect what's left/
If only they would try to understand/
That someday's I'm not always alright/
Specially when I'm to tired to fight/
So I'ma give into this depression/
Despite complication/
Hoping to find some satisfaction/
Be it wrong or right/
So I can lay down tonight/
Even if it is on this bed of rhymes/
So many times I've asked why/
Maybe this time I'll be able to bring to light/
What's been missing so long from sight/
So I won't always seem like I'm so impolite/
Late nights alone wanting to die/
When no ones there to answer me/
So I often scream trapped in this misery/
**** chivalry/
I'm worn out and lost/
Tired of my kids always paying the cost/
Why I'm so angry and *******/
Sick of doing the things I'm told I need to do/
Just so I can give my family something new/
Other then a new room to stay in each time we're having to move/
Because I can't talk to people about what it is I'm doing when I"m up till two/
Looking in this mirror I just wish you people knew/
What it is I really do thanks to you/
I'm grateful for all they've given my family/
Why can't they see that when they talk to me/
Maybe after this rhyme I write from my knees/
The clock flashing three/
They'll finally know I'm serious when i say/
I'm sorry/
I'm honestly trying/
Inside I'm dying/
I wish I was lying/
But it's hard to when I'm always crying/
Begging for understanding when I'm hiding/
Silently I'm signing/
This writing is what I'm feeling/
Help is what I'm needing/
Something other then misleading readings/
Cause for the first time this is me truly pleading/
This Colt.45 is problem deleting/
For the desperate human being/
Tired of these eyes bleeding/
No meaning/

Every night I'm sitting here getting high trying to feel alright\

But every night your not here is another fight\

Struggling inside with this evil version of myself\

Most of the time feeling like around my throat is a belt\

And it's only letting up when I take this lighter to the melt\

So I melt\

Every time the crying I felt\

Running down my face onto the paper I spent my last pen on\

Losing my self in this smoke and this song\

I know when I look in the mirrior this is wrong\

But its been like this for so many years now I'm already to far gone\

For any reason from anyone or myself to belong\

Anywhere in this version of what shouldn't be done\

So I melt\

The only family bond I have at the end of this\

Don't remember what it is to be sober so those days I can't miss\

What todays date\

Last I checked it was December 5th\

Got the day marked here on my wrist\

So I melt\

Waiting for the phone to answer saying I have help\

Treatment for this ******* life I've been dealt\

Someday I'm sure it will be on its way\

But today I'm just gonna have spend it feeling ok\

All the faces I'm faced with begin ta fade\

No lie this is the truth of my pain\

So I melt\

It's no secret myself I hate\

I know theres others that can relate\

Finding yourself pushing over and over that button to delete\

Wishing to take back some words you never meant to speak\

Spending the next week hiding under the bed sheets\

Wondering what it would take for some moment to personally keep\

Why I'm up getting high all night\

Praying never to see that sun light\

So l melt\

Just trying to be like everyone else I see\

Smoking this while I write to just feel alright\

Cause honestly\

Yesterday I went and got treatment\

Any moment now could be my last week\

Spending it trying to feel alright\

An just in case tonight is my last night\

I'ma get high while I got this light to the melt\

So I melt\

Love is the scare left behind by the knife blade forged with this lifes strife\

A patch to cover this wound that is my weakness believe this an know no kiss will bring the wanted bliss\

Known to come with love that blinds us lust u can always trust knowing this is a must\

Now open your heart an never mistake love for lust and with the first kiss turn the world to dust\

The light comes out to play every morning an every morning I wait to say goodbye/

Trapped in this day light of lies shinning in my eyes/

Image covered/

Permanently false an idolized like this is the world that was prophesized/

Diseased prized/

Covered in the human races pride/

Today's cyanide/

Recognition denied just another yesterday's problem pushed aside/

Like tomorrow's sunrise keep your eyes wide/

Or you'll miss that one of a kind moment when yesterday and today are tied/

As the moon kisses the sun on the horizon's side of beautifully blind/

Straight from the mind to the paper
Pen dipped red coloring the writer
Inside here my thoughts sink deeper
Deeper then the eyes of her
That blank stare
Sharper then a knife
Seeking a life in the night
Blind side locked tight
She's got my number
The *******
You can keep her
She'll take you further then the after
What is it that matters
To me it's my day dreams
My escape from all these sins
Those short commings
Why I keep going and going
These eyes are snowing
Coloring my suffering
Pain that's everlasting
The memories falling
Remember me
Something I'd like to be
Even a little thought would be fine
Forever stopped in time
Caught in a line
Continue this rhyme
Happiness I hope you can find

Despair whispers in my ear an the sound of a razor blade on my wrist is all it wants to hear\

This life can be taken away as far as I care\

Reality being that my misery and loneliness alone I can no longer bare when it's like I'm trapped in this constant nightmare\

Walking through these days with a never fading fear left to wait for my savior to appear\

Is anyone there I'd really like to know if so then where\

Out of this window I stare and it doesn't look like these grey clouds will ever clear\

The reason why I'm currently contemplating suicide feeling things would be better off if I was to die\

Saying my goodbye I gave living a try\

Time for something new my hand full of pills\

A battle of wills\

Anyone who feels the same I get it and your not to blame so don't be the reason for your famliys pain\

Flush those pills and put down that razor blade it's to soon for you to be just a memory that will never fade\

There's a better way just listen to me and what I say\

Because every day it breaks me to pieces when you can't find enough reasons\

Your life is worth keeping so I'm here for you is what I guess I've been saying\

Reach out and message me if you need someone at night I'll be there ready to write\

Take care of your life\

Your the only thing needed for this suicide I'll help you to fight\

Caught in the sight of this papers white\

I pull back the pen as I press the needle under my skin\

Looking for some love hidden beneath this sin\

Painted memories etched in this vein\

Moments of misery left in this name\

P.A.I.N. spells this pain\

So I'm running from everything including this life\

Since I'm to cowardly most nights to end it with this knife\

Missing all those times I wasn't meant to keep\

Except in this place where I'm left to dream\

The only moment when I'm able to see\

The horizon where I'd like to be\

Lost in those eyes always looking back at me\

From the stain on this window pane\

My glass shame\

A poets insight on the insane\

Caught once again in the sight of this papers white\

I've lost all the love in my life an now theres only me and this knife\
With only their misery im left\
Buried deep in my chest while around me is nothing but a mess\
******* up and torn into tiny little shreads I'm hanging on only by the lies running through my head\
Promising truth in the happiness we pretend isn't dead\
So we're dreaming of better days in these memories of a yesterday\
When the pain was still just a hollow stain resting on this bleeding vain\
Watching the smiles that once came despite what's trapped deep in my brain\
Ready to rip it self apart from this love that's kept it detained\
Why my love I'm missing as each day a price is paid\
It's what distracts me from my rain always feeling wet with a look of disdain\
As it's come to be the only thing Im able to taste when looking for hope behind the now blank face\
Waiting for something to fill in it's empty space since losing this love has me feeling out of place\
Disconnected an resented\
We're not meant to meet forever to be kept separate\
So I'm the person that's never to become accepted\
The reason I'm always upset an feeling unrested\
In order for others to be protected I agreed to the lost of my love and departed\
Lovesick I'm now painted\

I spent my whole life trying to be what I thought was right/

So much time spent questioning myself each night/

When I really just needed to do what I believed was right/

Trusting myself to find comfort as I push aside these worry's from sight/

Since everyday is a challenge as I try all I can to gain some kind of insight\

On this choice I've been left to decide\

Do I follow the light or stand in the dark\

Alone ready to fight\

It's as if everythings always so black an white\

Black an white like my sight\

A test between what I believe is wrong and right/

A choice I'm not ready to commit on\

Not when I have so much left to do before I'm gone/

To be honest I don't think I'll be ready until the end of this song\

Hoping the end will take me down a road that's beautiful and long\

Scared that I won't belong\

So until I'm unable to I'm going to keep holding on\

I don't know how much longer I can take this/

Every day it's getting harder to fake this/

I hate this/

Waking up to a house full possessions and empty confessions/

It's depressing/

Now every time I look in the mirror I see nothing but misery/

The shadows under my eyes are getting darker and staying alive is getting harder/

But what can I do/

I'm just a lonely man with nothing in this hand while waiting for the hour glass to run out of sand/

Singing my rhymes and reminiscing about all the good times/

And every time I didn't cross the line so just for a minute things might seem fine/

Honestly life is hard being me when you spend your time watching it pass you by/

Some days it gets so hard I just want to break down and cry but I'm afraid to let my daughter see me/

Asking questions why/

So I lock myself in this room and let the tears fall into some empty song/

Now what do you do when what little you had is taken an your left angry, body shaking/

No matter what you cant undue whats been done the hope now gone/

So giving up is the only thing you come to desire cause everyday feels like your hanging on by a wire/

Never knowing if your gonna fall and having no one to call/

That's my life and every day feels like I might die as if I should always be ready to say goodbye/

Thinking of how things use to be in the past only makes it worse with the reality that my last stones already been cast/

So by the end of the day I'm almost taken off my feet with the feeling of defeat/

As I lay down on the bed sheet I begin to feel like I'm buried in concrete/

Knowing that I will have to go through it all again when I wake leaves me to pray to be ok/

So just maybe I can do it one more time with the help of just one more rhyme/

You can call this nothing but childish poetry if you want/

Because I say this with complete honesty/

Your opinions mean nothing to me/

Looking for the reason behind the why I find in every line of mine/

Without any doubt this empty is me when I'm in my honesty/

There is no lie for you to see when it's all the same thing as what's hidden inside this poetry/

I will say so what if you don't understand these words I write/

I don't care if you can read this pens bite/

Still as oil are these words the paper snow covered drifts white/

The reason my sanity has yet to flee/

Even though everyday I'm looking at this knife as if to find this mercy/

As I'm constantly bordering conformity of this eventual reality/

Lost in my own insanity/

As I'm individually ment to be mentally segregated/

To keep steadily the steady loss of a sane mentality/

As I kept barely shackled separately separate from my misery these memories/

When I deserve every memory intentionally given to me personally/

Specially those made to cause me pain inside intentionally attacking my happiness/

So I'll be honest/

To those the ones who sent them so they can dry the rain with a wipe to clear their eyes/

I apologise/

I'm like Dr.Jekyll holding on desperately to hide the Mr.Hide hidden inside/

With memories of the psychologically unsteady/

Symmetrically simplistic in this coloured poetry thats making up my reality/

Losing myself in some fantasy/

A chemical chemistry of evolutionary perplexities/

Changing the mentalities of the socially closed personalities/

The ones who are misunderstanding me and what's behind this poetry/

When there's so much more then this man and the fact he's lonely/

These poems being what I feel each night/

Why I'm able to continue to write/

Making these words rhyme to fight off these thoughts of some suicide/

Making up poems line after line/

The only thing that makes me feel fine/

It's what keeps me from completely losing my mind during these moments anxiety sneaks up from behind/

So I'm suddenly overwhelmed  emotionally/

It's as if your falling apart and there's no one there that cares/

No one to make it stop but plenty in the part that's pressed to start/

Most days there's nobody to listen when your not sure if your life is worth living/

Sometimes the pain is so deep your needing something to numb every bit of what your feeling/

Now posted on this line paper that's been red dyed/


Maybe the hurt this time someone will see and finally take my words to heart/

Why the ink cord around my throat is still wet/

An the rest of it's spent on this borrowed piece of parchment/

A page from this mental thought process that's afflicted by the emotionally hopeless/

Constantly dancing with manikins of a manic drug addict/

With cut wrist to remind him that weak thoughts need to become nothing but static/

Keeping my mind distracted/

What secrets are you keeping in the attic/

I'm escaping into a straight jacket fearing my own love as the tragic/

When I've finally had it/

My heart I'll bury deep be it lock set with the sunset/

Secret is, the artist is ment to escape within the ink stain that's set/

This is that moment for me be it I'm now word spent so I went while the paint was still wet/

Heres a little piece of my heart I would like to share in this lyrical art\

It's been playing the biggest part in my life as this papers white\

Leaving a new found outlook right in sight\

As the ****** glitched accepted as poet tested\

One of its own kind looking for a friend similar in mind\

A one and only, like me, born to be from this ****** wicked place I came to see\

And I'm thankful everyday for the talent most can't compare\

These ambitions have been twisted impared with a dream that's shared\

A family love that'll never tare\

An like so many others this poetry is my passion\

Black and white painted fashion\

Being the memoirs of an addict whos had it\

Whos sad of it\

Whos never it\

This Poet is needing a partnership of another artist\

One that feels every word of this as they move me with every flick of their wrist\

Two, one of a kind poetically crafted compositions of a ****** innate craft individually twisted\

So please if you will create with me something more then the norm but a legacy not crafted but torn\

Taken from the minds of the unnoticed, unnoticed by even those that might notice\

Depths of their insainity only now am I ready to explore\

So let me start by being the first to introduce myself forever more\

I'm Diction, "****** Gliched", Dier\

I've been addicted to the arts ever since I was first kissed by her\

Psychologically possessed by her\

With rhymes in everything I come to see to the point where every thought of mine is but one these lines\

The inspired drawn images of concepts individually mine\

Wickedly messed up in the mind\

Life glitched beautifully to shine when it shines\

Another side of the something taken with every compostion that's written\

Sometimes seen without even a glance given so it's now walking dead living\  

Guess I'm monster shaded, hated, coloured as the now tainted\

This one poetic stain that gave it\

Written like an artist who's tamed it\

The same bit\

An artisan it created\

I hate it\

Forget it\

One last time I'll confess it\

Guess it's forever this\

Poetry stated lines of the other half who's new like you\

Cant wait to meet my other half before I'm dead like you\

Dear Artist/
Your art sings to me like a soft kiss/
And as the poetic words are spoken they stop to rest carefully here atop my lips/
Tasting of loneliness/
Something I understand well unfortunately from years of misery/
It regrettably makes up most of my memories/
Every moment I'd spent ready to surrender from the pain I suffered/
Often left to ponder/
Why me/
Does nobody see these scars that bleed/
Upset that so many could leave me with such ease/
Always leaving questions unanswered inside my mind/
Despite all the times I screamed out their names/
Because in the end/
I wasnt worth the compassion let alone the attention/
Feelings of depression/
Thoughts saying Im nothing/
Convinced I deserve this/
Listening to the emptiness echoing in my chest/
I've felt it all myself once before, unable to drown in the liquor anymore/
All I wanted to do was turn up the music and let the silence play through it/
So know your not alone having to deal with everything on your own/
There's always this place where people care about the pain you share/
Wanting to hear things from your joys to things you fear/
Where we love this art we all write/
An the company of another poets insight/
Just remember things get easier/
Cause its always better tomorrow I swear/
So I guess I'll end this letter and see you there/
Yours truly, Diction "****** Glitched" Diers/

Diagnosed with mentally afflicting conditions/
Why I'm often covered in depression/
Fighting with addiction/
Suffacating conversations with judgemental complications/
Everyday Im waking up to a handful of medications/
It's embarrassing/
I promise from this moment now until my cremation to always make the best decision/
Despite whatever the caution might be to reach the desired life position/
Someone should have mentioned all the implications psychotic intentions have on relations/
Like the one between myself and all other human beings currently visiting/
Why I'm regularly checking out in day dreams of beautiful poetry that speaks/
Only problem being I'm unable to sometimes distinguish reality in the things I'm seeing/
So Im sorry for everyone that's sat through this psychotic rollercoaster, please don't let it be the me you remember/
Just think, that's my life to own except I often have to experience it alone/
I promise I didn't know the severity until just recently/
What I dont get is why nobody stopped to explain it/
My thoughts I knew were never right, which is why I put them on paper every night/
Finding comfort in the empty white when I write/
Putting my thoughts together every time I make rhymes for these poetry lines/
Made up by this one of a kind mind I sometimes can't find/
Remembering memories of a misery that inspires artistry/
Crafting my poetry from this hearts history/
Pieces of beautifully painted rhymes hidden within nameless poem lines/
The portrait of a forgotten poet coloured forever in this moment/
Doing this is the only thing holding together this cracked barrier/
Around this mind that's mentally unstable covered with an RX label/
Questioning moments if I might be psychotic/
Turning against myself with a straight jacket/
Lock set with the sunset, this I've come to accept/