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Sep 2019 · 222
Loss and Win
Diary of Jane Sep 2019
Win;
At least I don't have to see you with her everyday now.

Loss;
I don't get to see you either, anymore.
Jul 2019 · 643
Death
Diary of Jane Jul 2019
There are two kinds of death-
One, when the world mourns us
And the other, when we mourn ourselves.
Jul 2019 · 437
Starcrossed
Diary of Jane Jul 2019
You and I
A story unknown to the world
But felt by the universe
Every time we were together.

You and I
A love lost
But still alive somewhere
In the corner of our hearts.

You and I
Two roads that run side by side
But never meet.

You and I
Two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle
That never fit.

You and I
A secret buried deep in our hearts
That will never be revealed.

You and I
A blurry memory in our minds
That will perhaps one day be forgotten with time.

You and I
Two lost souls
That yearned for each other
But never found a way to one another.

You and I
A story that was never written in the stars
But still burned the brightest in our lives.
Sometimes, love doesn't conquer all.
Apr 2019 · 93
Breaking Free
Diary of Jane Apr 2019
I won't let you
creep into my words anymore
No, I refuse to give you that power.

I will erase every trace of you in my veins,
banish every thought of you from my mind.


I will exorcise the ghost of you from my memory
I will be free of you-
This is I promise
even if it's the last thing I ever do,
I will die trying.
Mar 2019 · 127
Curse or Gift?
Diary of Jane Mar 2019
Everyone hurts
Everyone feels
Everyone loves
But some does all of these
more than the others.

And I can never decide
if it's a curse or a gift
To feel everything
on the spectrum
so very intensely.

Especially on days like these
when every pinprick feels
like the twisting of a knife
when the slightest sound
makes you jump
when all you want
is a little respite
from the insanity
that reigns inside your head.
Feb 2019 · 122
Curiousity
Diary of Jane Feb 2019
I have this
intense
insane
inexplicable
curiosity
to know you
not to love you
or be with you
but just to know you
to unravel you.
Feb 2019 · 205
Sadness
Diary of Jane Feb 2019
Over and over
I feel this sadness
settle in my heart
as if it were a permanent home
to a bird that refuses to leave its nest.
Jan 2019 · 564
Lessons from life
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Because of you
she learned to cry
without making a sound

Because of you
she learned to hide her puffy eyes
with carefully applied concealer and eyeliner

Because of you
she learned to hide the marks on her wrist
with full sleeves and fancy bracelets

Because of you
she learned to not let someone in
through the walls she has built around her heart

Because of you
she learned to be on her own
and be comfortable with it

Because of you
she learned to love herself
in ways you never could.
Jan 2019 · 205
Fake Plastic World
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Sometimes I look around me
and everything feels so fake -
I doubt
if I am real or not.
Dec 2018 · 198
...
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
...
You and I
A miracle




................

Unwritten
In the stars
Dec 2018 · 135
Without Any Regrets
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
I live a life
without any regrets
I proudly wear
my mistakes,
my stupidity,
my scars of yesterdays-
as badges of honor.

Those are the things I have survived
Those are the experiences that taught me
of my incredible strength
of rising from the ashes
over and over again
like a phoenix.
Dec 2018 · 409
Unhealthy Coping Mechanism
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
Fall in love
with someone unattainable
to fall out of love
with someone unavailable.
Dec 2018 · 125
Falling in love
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
I fall in love
rarely,
infrequently
but when I do
I fall in love
so fast
it spins my head.

One day
I will find you intolerable
and another
I will discover a piece of you
that resonates with me
lights a spark in me
and I will fall for you
in the blink of an eye
with all of you
and build an entire world
for the two of us.

But the world, most often,
turns out to be made of glass
just waiting to break apart
and I will fall down so hard
and hit the ground
just as fast as I fell in love.
Nov 2018 · 1.2k
Can you guess?
Diary of Jane Nov 2018
It doesn't make a sound
when it breaks
but it hurts the loudest.
Nov 2018 · 367
∞ Wants
Diary of Jane Nov 2018
I want to
keep on looking at you
without being afraid of being caught.

I want to
reach out across the space between us
and hold your hand.

I want to
curve "I love you"
in letters in the palm of your hand.

I want to
ruffle the hair on top of your head
and kiss the tip of your nose.

I want to
feel the warmth of your hands,
cupping my face.

I want to
fall asleep
listening to the beat of your heart.

I want to
wake up and see the sunrise
on your face.

I want to
rush home after work
and tell each other
all about our day.

I want to
come home to you.

I want to
dance with you
in our living room
and under the starry sky on our rooftop.

I want to
live
in a one bedroom apartment
with you.

I want to
travel
the whole world
with you.

I want to
have fights with you
and then make up to you.

I want to
be the first
to wish you on all your birthdays.

I want to
celebrate our anniversary
even when we have hit our eighties.

I want to
be the one
you show all your scars to
and I want to
reveal to you
all the monsters that live in my head.

I want to
be the anchor
in your times of need
and I want you
as my lifeline for all of eternity.

I want to
grow old with you
and remain
forever young at heart.

I want to
spend this one lifetime
and the ones after this
loving you as you are,
knowing that you love me too.
I wrote this poem 3 years back, some time in November 2015 but I lost it as it was stored in my old phone which has been dead for a long time. For some reason it struck my mind yesterday night and I searched my stash of poems as well tried to retrieve it from the dead phone but in vain. So I thought of rewriting it but wasn't sure if I would be able to recollect it, it may not be an exact carbon copy but it's close enough.
Oct 2018 · 156
of hope and life
Diary of Jane Oct 2018
they say,
as long as there is life
there is hope
but
can you spend your whole life
simply hoping?
maybe some things are just not meant to be
it is better to let those hopes turn to dust
before you do.
Diary of Jane Oct 2018
I don't talk
about you anymore
like I used to

Before,
I would speak of you
to anyone and everyone in my life,
sharing pieces of you with others
so much that people started wondering
if there was something between us.
It was never intentional
but rather an involuntary response
to the pull of gravity I felt towards you.

I used to like the way
your name sounded in my tongue
I used to practice uttering it
and whispering nothingness into your ears.

I used to say your name
like it was sacred

but now it has become taboo
to even think of your name
Every time it comes up in my mind
I have to hit the mental brakes,
I no longer mention you
to anyone else
it's like you do not even exist,
never did -
you are just the ghost of a name
that resides somewhere in my head,
collecting dust.
Sep 2018 · 137
Untitled
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
Why is it this way
and not that way?
Why can't life be just a li'l bit kinder?
Why do we have to make the best
of every worst situation?
Why do we have to find the strength to let go
when we want to hold on with all our lives?
Why can't everything be simpler?
Sep 2018 · 126
....
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
Could there be
anything sadder
than
you and I
existing
in the same universe
but never
meeting
in this life again?
Sep 2018 · 118
Crossing the line
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
If there is a fine line
between love and madness
I know I crossed it
when I loved you.
Aug 2018 · 261
Comfortably Silent
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Stay
with
me

Sit
by
my side

Reach out
your hand

Speak to me
in silence

I will understand
Aug 2018 · 118
Ghosts
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Somedays I wake up
and it feels like
it happened just yesterday
and not ages ago-
the memory is that crystal clear.
Maybe some ghosts
haunt us forever.
Jul 2018 · 116
Sacrifice
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
Is breaking your own heart
to protect someone else's.
Jul 2018 · 530
Home
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
He was home to her
in a world
that has always felt
like a mighty stranger.
Jul 2018 · 180
untitled
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
She was so used to the pain
she won't let happiness touch her
with a ten foot pole.
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
A thousand different scenarios
I build in my head,
laying awake at night,
watching the forlorn sky
and try to conjure up
the reaction you give me
as it finally dawns you.

But the scenarios dissolve
as reality crashes
and it settles in my stomach
like a ton of bricks
that you will always remain oblivious
to what you mean to me.
Jul 2018 · 245
when it rains...it pours
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
eyes
              that
                       won't
                                   stop
                                           raining
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
So tired
of living
in a concrete jungle
Filled with too many people
who are nothing
but strangers.
Jun 2018 · 143
Holding on and letting go
Diary of Jane Jun 2018
You will lose people
as you grow older
like coins falling
out of your pocket,
You will lose them
whether you like it or not,
even the ones who promised to stay
and the ones to whom you promised to keep.

Life is a paradox
of holding on and letting go.
Apr 2018 · 141
For a glimpse
Diary of Jane Apr 2018
These eyes still thirst for a glimpse of you
among the millions of strangers,
they come across every day,
hoping by some miracle, fate, or chance -
today would be the day
when the thirst would be quenched.
Feb 2018 · 146
The Dance of Words
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
So many words
swirl in my mind,
one jumping ahead of the other,
before I can grasp them
and make any sense.
They are always in a hurry it seems,
brewing up a storm,
and trying to find reason or rhyme in them
is a futile endeavor.
Let them dance,
cause a cacophony-
they only want your attention,
don't pay any heed to them-
they will only distract
and befuddle you.
You are supposed to be here
not in the chaos of words in your head.
This is dedicated to all the overthinkers in the world.
Feb 2018 · 162
Empty
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
They say, if someone you loved
didn't love you back,
you should take that love,
and spread it
in the world around you.
I have tried and tried
to do just that
but still, it won't fill the gap
that you left behind,
and all I feel is empty.
Feb 2018 · 123
Untitled
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
I am
better (off)
without you.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
"Have I lost you?" he asked her that day.

"No," she replied smilingly,




"You never had me, but yes, you have surely lost the chance to ever have me. I don't do second chances."
Feb 2018 · 134
Unloving You
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
All my pretense falls away
when I see you.
I forget the promise I made to myself
that I won't let you tug at my heart anymore.

All my resolution crumbles
when I see you
You still consume me
even without trying the slightest.

Perhaps, unloving you is a test
I am bound to fail
over and over again.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Only a fool says, "Follow your heart.."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wise knows the price of it.
Feb 2018 · 178
Away From You
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
I cannot think of a future
where you are there-
all roads lead
away from you.
Feb 2018 · 208
Spring is in the Air
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Spring is
whenever,
wherever,
You and I
are together.
Today is the first day of spring where I live.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Concrete jungle
with swarms of people
more like robots,
less like humans,
always running after something,
round-the-clock,
and striving for something,
without even knowing what.
Confused, lost souls
forgotten to smell the rose,
give away time freely
as if time were endless.
Life is measured in-
how many degrees you earned
and the figure you have for your salary.
Families at home,
often neglected,
but we are doing it all for them,
and not for showing off to the society.
Relationships are more for-
status updates and Instagram likes,
but we don't have time for each other,
except may be on Valentine's day,
cause that is mandatory
to glorify our unconditional love to the world.

The cities are filled with buildings
after buildings,
but let's fill up that waterbody too;
there's no room for people after all;
who needs the greenery or nature?
Let's take it all.
We are humans.
We are supreme.
Everything is ours to claim and reign.

What a grand delusion we live with!

What have we done to the world?
What have we made of ourselves?
The title says it all.
Feb 2018 · 198
Mourning
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
She stopped missing him a long time back,
but she couldn't get over mourning the girl she was.
Some people will come into your life and alter you completely.
Feb 2018 · 204
Grief & Phoenix
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Let it out-
all the pain you keep hiding,
all the tears you keep holding inside.
It's okay
if the grief claws out of you.
Just remember-
even if it feels forever,
even if it feels infinite,
even if it feels too much-
it will pass.
You had hit lower than this before
and risen like a phoenix.
You can do it once more.
I promise.
Please don't give up, don't let the monsters in your head win. I know some of us struggle daily with depression, grief, and life and sometimes, it makes zero sense of why we still exist but I strongly believe we exist because we are worth it, even with all of our scars, brokenness, messiness, flaws and what not, we are worth it.
Jan 2018 · 358
"like"
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
Every time someone asks me, "do you still like him?", I can't help but realize  just how trival the word "like" is.
What I feel for him cannot be encompassed in those four alphabets. I  cannot call it "love" either, cause it feels much deeper, much sacred than any other love I have ever felt before.
All I can say is that I care for him, and perhaps I always will even if we were not in each other's lives.
Jan 2018 · 205
Miracle/Curse
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
I used to think
you were a miracle.
Now I know.
Sometimes,
even a curse
can disguise itself.
"people come into your life either as a blessing or a lesson."
Jan 2018 · 226
Nothing new here
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
You have been down this road before
You know it like the back of your hand,
Nothing new waits here for you-
Every stone, every corner is just the same,
Yet you keep coming back to this path,
As if it has changed
and it's now spring instead of winter.
It's still winter here
And all the leaves are still dead.
So go back where you came from,
Cause there is nothing for you,
except the cold winter and dead leaves.
May be life gives us the same story, the same pain over and over again until we have learned the lesson it was meant to taught us. Or may be some of us are just fools destined to repeat history.
Jan 2018 · 314
Love in Another Universe
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
Do you think that all the love stories that remain incomplete, all the feelings that remain unresolved and unspoken, all the love that this universe never allows to come alive, do they escape somewhere else?

Away from this universe, may be there is a universe where they are not so forlorn or unrequited. May be they do have a place where they can breathe free, soar high, love to their hearts' content and find their fulfillment.
This was inspired by Lang Leav's Sad Girls and my obsession with parallel worlds
Jan 2018 · 336
Her best kept secret
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
He was the poem
she never read loud
but kept in the page of her diary.
He was the song
she never sung out
but hummed when no one was around.
He was the love
she never let grow...
or die.
Dec 2017 · 776
Restraint
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Some days
it takes a lot,
all of me
to filter out your thoughts
from my head,
to erase your footprints
from my mind.

Some days
it is as easy as pie
to separate you and I
as if we were nothing
more than strangers
passing through each other's lives.
Dec 2017 · 242
life
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Life is not how many years you lived
But how much you lived in those years
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Happiness is as easy
and as free
as watching three little, cuddly puppies-
one brown, one white and one sandy,
rolling on the sand
on the street side
and breaking out in unexpected smile
at the innocence in nature
after you had a ****** night
of battling your existential crisis.
Nov 2017 · 270
I have always loved you
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
I have always loved you
I hope you know that
even at your worst
at my lowest,
even when you believed
I could never love someone like you
even when I denied to myself
I could never love someone. Period.
I have always loved you.
I hope you know that. Always
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