I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.


My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.

Little pieces of nothing that fall and belong to no one and nowhere. If I find my way into the earth then let the worms and maggots have their share. I'm okay and not. For I am alive but I do not care. Sometimes I think I'm better off dead than to be alone with despair.
Little pieces of nothing that are weathered and worn.
A life never nurtured since the day it was born.
I have not been given so I have nothing to give, but
little pieces of nothing and no reason to live.

maybe i don't know you at all, but ****. every part of me wants to. i want to know all the itty bits of you, the things that piece you together. i want to know your favourite colour, your worst nightmares, your wildest dreams. i want to know what keeps you up at night, what song you'll leap for at the sight of a karaoke machine, and about the time you broke your arm at just thirteen. i want to know you on your good days, your bad days, and everything in between. and i know it can be hard, i know it's hard to trust people, but i am willing to wait. i'm willing to wait for you to let me in, because you, my darling, are worth it. you're worth the heartache, and the times i have to push back when you try to distance yourself from me, and you're worth the nights you call me and wake me up because you need someone to just ramble to. your worth is undeniably large, and that says a lot, because i wouldn't do this for simply anyone. you're special. in my mind, you are. you're an extraordinary human being full of talent and wonder and yes, flaws, but you are perfect in my vision, you; you're you. and that is everything to me.

Dad messaged me yesterday around 5.
I thought this drama was over.
He said listen carefully, so I did.
He said, I have 2 choices.
I can come home Sunday, or have grandma take legal guardianship of me.
No middle ground he said.
If I go back to my parents’ home, he said I won’t see grams except for the weekend.
He has said all this before.
This time feels different though.
He said make a decision after I read his messages, I was supposed to message him right after.
I told him this is a life alerting choice, a decision I can’t make alone.
I told him I would be at the house on Sunday though, what else could I have said?
I went to my aunt’s house yesterday, to get her opinion on it.
I’m getting a lawyer, I’m ready to live life.

Lately I've been
Thinking about this little girl
That was in the room next to mine
At the state rehab
Facility when I
Was 13
She was always
Crying
And being
Told to wash her face
Use her coping skills
She was 6
And her parents told
Her they were going
Out for
ice cream
Then they dropped her
Off
And she hasn't seen
Them in two weeks
So she's crying
And she's scared
And she's telling this
To a drugged up
Hospital gowned (they took all my clothes at check in)
Preteen
She's scared
I've got scars up
And down my arms

She's scared
And she's crying
And this isn't the ice cream parlor
Down the street
From her suburban home
And this isn't her bed
These aren't her friends
And I don't know why
But I promised her that everything would be ok
And that it was fine to be scared
         her parents were coming back

Everything would be fine
And perhaps there would be pudding
With sprinkles at lunch
Which is pretty close to ice cream.

I wrapped my pinky around
Hers
Half the size
And I promised her all of these things
None of which I really knew
To be true
A nurse came barreling down the hallway
And screamed at me
For interacting with a younger
Girl in a different program
Then they moved her to a different room

I never saw her again
Heard her cry
And I forgot about her
Little blotchy
Swollen face
Crying to me
Throughout the years

Then a few weeks ago
I remembered that you had promised to me
You would always be here
Which you couldn't possibly know
And I thought of the girl
And the ice cream
All of the promises I made

I wondered if I had lied
To her
And I wondered
Why we so often
Make promises
We aren't entirely sure
Will be kept?

It's been a million miles
Hundreds of long nights
And now we've crossed the desert
We have beat the devil, at his game
It's time for us to be us
Uninhibited and insane and free