They can make the chemicals for love in a lab. I know. I’m sick of hearing how unspecial it is that I exist alive with passion.
Listen. The world around me is howling and the moon is sick with our worries. We are all in a flood that wants us to sink without screaming. There is nothing in my pocket but debt and shadows and the teeth that have been knocked out of me. There is nothing in my future but cubicles and temp agencies.
Let us have love. This generation is dying. We are sweating out the innocence we were supposed to grow up in. We are all stumbling around with our hearts pounding in desperate fire alarms. We are all smothered. Let us have love.
Let us love each other wildly with our pictures of girls laughing in the passenger seat. Let us hold onto the images of our friends on the beach with sandy knees, of bonfires, of blurry drunken singing, of stopping for shakes and slurping them over bridges, of a shy look over one shoulder, of the sun setting, of selfies that show: I’m alive right now. I’m happy. Let us keep that. Let us keep proof that we are happy.
Love can be made in a lab. “Let that sink in,” he tells me. I say, “I knew that already.” So can basically anything. I want to stop questioning myself. I want to love so wide it breaks your measuring systems. I want to love her until she shakes, I want to touch him until it breaks me. I want to stop the cynics in their tracks. Everything is already so sad.
Can’t you see? Science doesn’t make this boring. Science makes this amazing. Everything that’s dancing in my head when I think of the people I love - it’s so real that they can read it in chemistry. It’s not just fantasy. It means I feel it to the very cells of me.
Let us have love. Let us have our dopamine, our seratonin, our oxytocin. We are surrounded by poison. Give us our delicate balance. Give us something we can believe.
”
— Love is scientifically explainable. That doesn’t mean it’s not amazing

Happiness is just a phase.

The same houses, the same desks with little chairs, the same road signs,
But nothing feels familiar;
And the people, heaven knows who they are,
Are smiling and laughing and kissing and
I'm so sad I can't breathe.
I've always wanted to be far away,
But now the distance breaks my heart,
And there's no comfort in coming home
Because I don't have one. I don't even know who I am—
I am tired, I am crazy
I am lonely.
I am a girl who can't stop thinking:
Why is everybody so different
And how did I become this person without noticing?
The worst part is that no one sees how dark things are—
They wake up married with two kids who wake up married with two kids, And then they're alone in a house by the beach
Because everyone said they would be happy, but they're not
And no one really is,
And they just want to do it all over because
All the **** houses, desks with little chairs, and road signs are the same but nothing feels familiar.
I'm just so sad I can't breathe.

Sitting in the dark
Make up running down my face
Crying so hard
My mind is a haze

Why do I do this
To myself
I think I'm crazy
I need some help

My hand is numb
And my body shakes
My wrist is ******
My wrist aches

I'm sorry
I know I promised
But I couldn't help it.....

All my life I've been told
That in the end it will all get better
That if I keep living my life and only worry about me
I'll get better
All my life I've struggled
With depression
With anxiety
And even with people
My every day goal
Is to make it through the day
Without seriously injuring someone
Especially me
It's almost all I think about
So why tell me it'll get better with time
Because so far it's only getting worse
Yes, it does get slightly better
But it's hard to breathe with this anxiety
So why did you give it to me?
It's hard to live with this depression
So why do you insist I keep it?
Just because I'm strong enough for all this pain, doesn't mean I deserve it.

I am sinking deep. Someone rescue me.

Imagine a voice.

The voice of negativity.

Sitting prettily in the back of your head.

Judging your every move.

Your every inclination.

You got one wrong on a test?
You ******* up.
How could you be so dumb?
Try harder next time.

You had a treat?
Who says you deserve that?
Certainly not I.
You lazy, fat, sloth.

Is that your reflection in the mirror?
Now isn't that terrifying?
That acne, that hair.
Yikes.

I run amok in your mind.

I control your every last move.

Just try to escape my wrath.

You blubbering, bumbling fool.