It's been a while.
Guess my inner child would smile-
but he was here just a few years ago,
breathing in a then new work's glow
confident, never cocky
competent or trying to be.
Honestly, looking back
on this boulevard of memory lane
I glad I came, at the very least
to set some sort of record straight.

Looks like this cursed title falls to me
I’m Gatsby
At least, now I am
Beer money inheritance
Tighter than the rope round his neck
It all falls to me, no glee
Just a ****** musical rolling in my head
I was a kid once
Little more than a dunce
Friends out of my league
Hiding in leaves
Beyond fields of bricks hidden by empty heads
Falling asleep on desks
It’s lazy education
Low preparation
The works of leaving kids stranded
In a world they’ll never get
Falling far of flat
In terms of getting their hands on it
Giving us all a pit
Just weak little gnats
Blood rain leaves us wet
Once again, branded
Who’d have guess high school never ends
In this bad sandbox

Sister never knew about him
He was potential personified
I always new, never said a word
Terribly waiting for him to take the world
Finish each loose end
Understand depths beyond comprehension
Could never really get how he worked
Killed in the end, a waste more than gold
Could have done so much
Underestimated, self-made, the works
Never really got how it worked
Tell me now, how he died
Never mind, I don't wanna know
Throwing me inheritance
Like the father figure I never had
And certainly never deserved
A few years older
Always sticking out his neck
Now a check?
Miss me with that
If I wasn't strapped
It’d go to wreck
Just like his house
At the end of this mess

Robbed beyond repair
Silk robes in the furnace
How did he earn this
A man so earnest
Now he’s in the sternest prison around
In the grave, like a pound for a stray
Waiting for the day
One shot leads to release
In such a permanent way
This won’t lead into peace
It will lead to more delete
Lives hanging in the balance
Bankrupt to the finest
Capacity they could have imagined
But now it’s all me
Suits, colors, and all
Just a puppet for the crew of the ******
Whispering to me through wrinkled polos
Rolling through the power vacuum
And I don’t know
How quickly I’ll be booted
Or how long I’ll hear his voice
Bouncing around in the black water in the back of my mind

I’m gonna dream a while
Before it’s time to go
And I leave home
Because all roads lead to rome
And I intent to find her in a mile
Wasting my time meandering in the snow
Feeling like a dog trapped in a cone
Stuck in this endless drone

I’m as high as heaven
Scrawling up memories in dreams
She was there back then, in the time of street beats
Just kids snacking on packaged meats
Some time after eleven
Wearing different shades of cream
None of us could handle the heat
So we ducked in trash can shades, at least to meet

We all played drums
With pots and lids
Kool-aid and innocent imaginings as fuel
Felt rooted in yule
Every day, that’s where we’d come
It’s all we cared for as kids
With minimal labels as fools
But we were far from piles of tools

It was that way
Until it rained
And the alley tended to reek
At least for a week
One day
It was over, we were all strained
Bonds too weak
Insight on what kept us close, bleak

For us, it was all too much rain
Now I’m older
I’m prouder
Smoke shrouds her
Now it’s disappearing vistas behind my eyes, just pain
I’m a lot colder
And I can’t see past her powder
Make up all pretty like, enchanting power
This is my bane
Here I am, a bit bolder
Cheap confidence post shower
I’ll cower in my mistakes later

I can’t find the cause
Of this feeling
I think this world is killing me
What’s glee?
In all these moments of need, no pause
Just the bad choices I’m dealing
On my knees
Hoping this flip flop back is my key

But I’m feeling a little hollow tonight
I can’t hit the sack
These eyes don’t close
All I can do is pose
This plastic is strangling my prose
But then again, failure is my knack
For now and forever, I’ve lost my light
To nothing but my nature, forever blight

*******, Nicole
I’m tired of getting high
Off of your breath of nicotine
Or the way you lie
Convincing me this cycle is good
You would just as soon leave me in the hood
Stranded with a golden watch
Waiting for a good mugging, but here’s the catch
I always find a way to dine
Or some fine way back home
You’ve tested this
You’ll never best this
Go ahead and leave me for Michael
Maybe he’ll give a ****
The next time you hit
Or spit in his face
Go crazy, so far off base
In clothes too lacy
Whip in one hand, cattle **** in the other
It’s not odd with your status
Just check the bio for the list
Leave me ******
The me that cared
We were never a good pair

You grow old and cold
I don’t want your hand to hold
I’m tired of your **** Nicole
Hovering over my conscious
Blowing up my phone
Here I am nauseous
Prone to giving into it all
You’re human mold
In a pile of nicotine
Waiting to consume me
Let’s shorten you to your soul
Close enough to whole
Nico, for the rest of your life
Ain’t set to be a trophy wife
But you ain’t either

Fed up doesn't even begin
To cover how it’s been
How long ago was it
Since we began
This ******* ready to blow houses down
So long ago, I was just a clown
Without the floppy shoes or the makeup
I was trapped
Under wraps
Choking the daylights out of me
By street light of dull night
All blight

Nico giving me black lung
While Nico’s sick
She’s like Bruce Lee Kung Foo
I’m licked to the ground
She’s off to pound
Another honey saving money with the bouncer
He’s gonna pounce soon
Announce swoon
Wallet on the table
That’s been her favorite vice
But why am I tiptoeing around whom I'm talking to?

Click, clack, and you’re back
Telling me how he decided to treat you poor
Little more than a *****
Jumping from bed to bed
Back and forth from my head
And that’s coming from me
Who’s only form of glee
Is chasing skirts
It still hurts
With a lack of inhibition smashing my liver
But then again
I love you anyways
Like a farmer needs his hens
For the rest of these days
Because that’s how it was meant to be
It’s all me
Going crazy in my own head
I’ll be better off dead
And blaming it on the world
Waiting to curl
As I hurl in the ceramic bowl
Waiting for my bullet in the pool
Because I’m the fool
Wearing yellow
In a town like this
Where nobody is mellow
And blood cost as much as jello

I am god
G
O
D
No,
Crazy I am not
I’m Divine
I’m Endless
I’m Omnipresent
I’m Omniscient
Third eye
No, fourth
Look into my eyes
Die, mortal
G-O-D
*****, get on your knees
******* away
G-O-D
Dear fledgling creation
Just like that
No, like that
It’s not my caveman grunts
That give away
How much that felt
Like a slice of heaven

I wish you could know
How this steady narcissism boils in my blood
It leaves me ready to take each moment
As the new center of the universe
It’s liberating, and you’ll never quite get
How I got here
But in the end, it's all about these moments
Where the flesh brings me to the present
As the back of my head spirals with the stars
But I’m deep below my conscious
Ready to mutter meaning into this meaningless space
Between cells and fragments of unpleasant thought

If only you could understand
But I’m more than flesh
G-O-D
Strike me down
Thou shalt obey
Just a bit deeper, babe
That’s all I ask
Shh….
It only hurts for a moment
Or so the TV models say
But you,
You’re made of heartier steel
Just like that
No, that
I can’t get enough
G-O-D
Not ego
Don’t talk back
In the master’s home
It’s not enough
To satiate me
Just like that
A little deeper
I can’t get enough
G-O-D
******* away

I’m chasing pleasure in gaslight
Shining on me through the window and thin curtains
The moon watches while the core shivers
I’m eyeballs deep in this drifting set of thoughts
As I force myself to move
Chasing something so momentary before I collapse
Lack of sleep is one hell of a drug
So is caffeine
And the memories of toxicity that ring in my head
She built me up
And tossed me aside
I deserved it, but now I’m back
To being the hot-blooded sun
Waiting to ignite the world

I can’t get enough
When intoxication
Leads to indoctrination
Killing inhibition
G-O-D
Shut up, priest
Go **** an altar boy
You sick creep
I won’t open the door to you
But babe, keep going
Don’t leave the sheets
G-O-D
Don’t leave me
Please
I need it
Just like that
Just like that
It’s more than love
It’s lust
Babe, let’s start over
Before hangover
I’m god
So try not to disappoint
Keep going
Just like that
Yeah babe, just like that

I can’t stop wearing this facade
Not when it’s all just began
This is a time for rain
The type that lets my rot and grime flourish
At least for a time
But now, its sleep
Washing over me and a perfect stranger
Waiting for her to forget me in the next week
Just the way I like it
It’s no fun when everyone knows
That you’ve been the core this entire time
And you want nothing more
Than distance from what makes you, you

So long
Let’s call it a good night
I’m gonna miss you, babe
And I know
That after all this time
The faint memories from wine
You are divine
And it’s all you’ll ever be
Or so the fragments that make me speak

I need you
Even if it kills me
Maybe I’m drunk
Or I’m here going crazy
It’s all about you
It’s all about me
I need you in my lungs
Even if it kills me
I’ll die young
If it means
A life at your side

I don’t wanna lie
I’m blind, you’re divine
I see your face in the wine
I’m wasting your time
Trying to get to the bottom of the glass
Call it crass, or a little bit brash
It’s all for restoring that picture of you
Standing by me
Sitting atop the shelf or tv
I can’t get you out of my mind
No matter how much I know
All this is just a bind
And I’ll never leave
Even when you abandon me
Nights on the town
Just a little too loud
While I wait for you
Dead on my knees
To open the door
And set me free
Falling back in the groove
It was all never smooth
Just bickering between bouts of “love”
Or whatever you put
Between your hand and the glove

I’ll wait here
Through the rivers of *****
Waiting for you
Is all I can do
What’s there to lose
With another chance
Another dance like this
To keep it this way
Stay with me
Hear this plea
Because it’s all I can give you any more