My body is my chamber and my disguise and I am the prisoner and the victim

i want to escape
i want to drink to future accomplishments
i want to love
i want to ***** up
i want to dance
i want to forget
i want to make the promise to love you forever
i want to make the perfect poem
so much pressure to make
the perfect poem.
instead of all these feelings
ill just talk about anything.
i live in the middle of
somewhere and nowhere and
life is crazy and terrible and good all at once.
and i do my best to exist just for you

she have to die a thousand deaths,
for people to laugh a thousand smile.
she have to bleed a liter of blood,
for her name to be remembered.
so never underestimate poets and their poetry,
for they have to underwent direst of circumstances,
to be solely accepted.

I'm standing on a ledge
Looking out over a vast ocean
I feel small, insignificant.
Yet I admire its beauty, it's wonder.
What secrets lurk beneath those depths,
Will they ever discover,
all there is to know?
These feelings aren't shallow,
they aren't just meat and bone,
These thoughts aren't skin deep.  
Think deeper
Deeper than the deepest trench
I'm standing on the sand
At the edge of the water
As the waves from the ocean
caress the shore
The water sweeps over my feet
I feel calm, soothed.
There's something in the ocean
I just find relaxing
It seems to heal all the wounds
Even though the salt may sting
I know that these wounds
will fade with time.
The sunsets over the ocean
revealing a beauty in which only eyes can behold
turning skies to the most captivating of pinks and soft oranges.
But it's the reflection of the moon upon the water.
That totally connects with my soul.
A light shining brightly over a vast ocean, yet it still gives hope,
that there are many beautiful moments within life.
No matter how vast or deep the ocean of your mind is.
I can hear waves crashing as I close my eyes.
Serenading my ears with its song,
they aren't rough like the pain that swirls inside of me.
it feels as though it is cleansing me of my sins,
with each wave that I hear
Another terrible feeling washes away.
All my hopes and dreams though far and distant.
Just may be reachable.
All I have to do is sail to reach them.
but for now, I'll just admire the view.
look at these stars from a distance,
one day I will shine just as bright
Somewhere in the future of my life.

©2017 Written By Benji James

I couldnt fall asleep three days ago
so i layed down with the jacket that you gave me
at the anniversary party we both went to
where i got
"cold".
I missed you okay?
There
you have it.
i missed you
and i started giving
the collar of the jacket
kisses.
weird
i know but i had to.
I fell asleep eventually
knowing you were doing fine.

Two days ago
I couldnt fall asleep again
Crap, i forgot to take my pills.
I grabbed your jacket again
thinking it could help me in some way.
Thinking too hard about the possible ways
it was helping me in a magical way,
I started reminiscing
about how good you are.
And how great of a father you
could be.
hold up.
kids?!
What am i on right now?!
god its late.
id lean back again and give your collar
more kisses and
an embrace.
And i drifted sound asleep
to the faint sound
of your laughter.

Tonight
Im having trouble
sleeping again.
So I am writing.
You seem not to care
and forgotten about your
****** jacket and so it stays
across my room.
folded.
in the closet.
inside of my bin of clothes
Im gettin rid of which is also next to the
bin of clothes
that surely dont fit
anymore

I am from poverty.
I am from sleepless nights,
hoping that my mom lives on.
I am from the news of my brother's death.
I am from being molested as a child.
I am from not knowing my father.
I am from living on the streets of Amsterdam,
trying to make it on to the next day.
I am from standing outside the park,
dreaming of being able to play stress-free.
I am from selling my body as a teen
to scrap up enough money for food.
I am from countless beatings.
But most importantly, I am from God.