I thought I was special
I thought I was good
But this disappointment is expected.
Just not in this amount.
I knew I wasn't good enough.
I knew I wouldn't make it in.
I now know it's pointless.
Yes, I like to sing,
But I'm not good enough for them,
The judges didn't choose me.
They chose my friends
Yes, they're very good,
But I thought I was too.
My mother lied to me.
My "parents" will laugh.
So I didn't make the cut.
So what? It doesn't matter!
It's not like I thought I would.
I'm not actually that good.
It's pointless to try out now.
I know now I am no good.
Pointless to go for my dreams.
I've never been accepted.
None of the competition choirs choose me.
None of them care
It's pointless for me to cry
No need to be sad.
I knew I wasn't good enough.
They just proves me right.
But, oh, I so wanted to be enough.

-3nwlry

I sit here all alone
No one to talk to, no one to hold.
As I sit here, own my own
I sing a little song.
I wonder if they'll sit by me,
The people I call friends.
I close my eyes and hum.
Then "hi" I hear
I look around,
There he is.
The person who's my friend.
No one else, still that's fine.
At least I have one.

-3nwlry

Dear step sister
I don't know what I did to you.
I'm sorry either way.
I don't know why you yell at me
And say the things you say.
I'm older and much more mature.
You say your voice is sore
But you don't think to stop screaming.
You tell me to slam my door, fight you, hurt you
Do what I want.
So I mutter "oh I'll hurt someone"
And go on a cutting frenzy.
Only in my mind,
My mind's eye sees the blood.
My arm remembers the burning sting.
My hand whispers in lust.
I remember last time
Only that was not your fault.

Dear step sister,
I understand you're a teen,
But just because you have stress
Does not mean others don't.
Learn empathy, be kind
I don't know what else to offer.
Yes, I'd make the Mac'n'cheese
If we had the boxes
Either way, we won't go hungry.
Trust me, you all eat enough.

Dear step sister,
I'm sorry for what I've done
If I did anything at all.

-3nwlry

Someday I'll fight the battles
Inside me, I know I'll lose.
They have way more to choose
To fight with me.
My insecurities can't be numbered
No one real has discovered them.

One day I'll fight the battles
Inside me. I'll probably lose.
They have way more things to choose
Way more tools.
When the day comes.
I'll cry out where I'm coming from.
I'll call out "mayday".
No one will understand the way
To get to my heart
My mind, my soul.
They say "the prettiest eyes cry most"
I think it must be true
People say mine are beautiful.
I just don't see it.

So maybe I'll fight the battles
Inside me, even if I'll lose.
I don't have much to choose.
They have me by my neck.
I don't know what else to do.
I'll cry out "farewell"
I'll call out "farewell"
"Goodbye" if it happens again.

-3nwlry

I wish I was a fairytale
Of another different realm.
To leave my life I peace
Ask sadness to cease
In the never-ending portal.
Be written down immortal.

Deaf to anxious woe
And misery to tow.
'round, 'round, the praise following
The only rule: no wallowing
In the never-ending portal.

A princess to be queen
Has no reason to be mean.
Her people love and sing to her
Up until she finds her sir
In the never-ending portal.

Her children will be kind.
Her, they will mind.
She, the ruler of the kingdom
If happiness there is no sum.
In the never-ending portal.

Here, I wish twas true,
I stand in morning dew.
Picturing that far 'way land
But, in reality, I stand
With the never-ending portal of poems.

-3nwlry

This depressive episode
It's lasting way too long.
I'm losing my mind
And my skin.
I'm failing all my classes,
I don't get enough sleep.
I'm fighting with my family
And losing all my friends.
I'm yelling at my parents
And lying about how I feel.
I'm losing my voice
From shooting the silence.
I'm crying every night
And cutting every day.
I'm losing all my reasons
Not to fade away.
I'm sleeping through alarms
And falling off the bed.
I'm crawling to get ready
Trying not to look dead.
I don't get up when I should.
I can't really tell.
I fired my therapist,
And pushed my parents away.
I curl up in my bed,
But there's no escape
From a broken mind
And a crumbled heart.

-3nwlry

As I stare at the empty stage,
"When will I find my place?"
I think that I deserve to live.
"When will I find my way home?"
I think that I am lost.
As I stare at the empty stage
No one else around.
I sit at this piano fence and play my song.
I think that I'm losing it.
"When will I find my place inside?"
I think I deserve to run.
"When will I meet my end of hiding?"

-3nwlry