I ate away the ****.
I ate away the abuse.
I ate away the depression.
I tried eating away the pain.
But now I can't keep eating.
Because of the words that you threw around like it was nothing.
Fat. Disgusting. Ugly.
I'm not sad and beautiful.
Like the girls you write the stories about.
Because my self harm was my comfort food.
The way your self harm was the lack of food.
I punished my body everytime I climbed stairs.
And I knew I deserved it.
Except now at my lowest,
I can't afford a salad.
Or a donut to find the seratonin that I crave.
And the only thing I want to eat now
Is a bullet.

I don't drive down the middle
Of a back road with no name
On a dark night in the pouring rain.
I don't skip meals for days on end
Well, maybe I do,
But not as often as I used to.
I don't lay in bed staring at pills
That I know could end it
If I took one too many
And I don't question
How much "too many" is
That's mostly because
I already know the answer
But it's still progress.
The scars are fading
And my skin doesn't burn so much
Anymore, in fact
Its grown numb over the years.
And that's a nice change
Compared to the pain
Of wanting to end it
But knowing there is something to live for.
It was never because I felt
That I had no purpose
Or that you would be better of without me.
You were right when you said
That I was purely selfish
For wanting to go.
My reasons were simple,
I was so ******* tired
And as I glance towards the gun
Quick enough that you will never notice the longing that lingers in my eyes
I realize
I still ******* am.

It's the 21st century
But I'm still suffering from bad humours
Where you lay in bed because your chest is caving in
I guess that's why they call it depression.

It's okay, just put on a bird mask
Fill it with sage and breath in the fumes
While the memes tell you you're the bad energy in the room

It's easier to go to internet strangers
And admit that maybe you might be in danger
Than to tell your mom that you're ready to leave her
"I'm fine because I always am."
That's not really an answer.

Everyone gets sad sometimes
We don't take it seriously anymore
Because death doesn't scare us
What scares us is 60 more years
Of wondering what the point is
Working at a job we hate
To buy another mocha latte with
Six shots of espresso
Just to stay awake through the ballet performance
Put on by our children
That we felt obligated to have
Through pressure of society
But yeah, it's just depression
Everyone has it
Its fine
There's always someone who has it worse
Just grow a pair
Cowboy up
It can only go up from here
Right?