time is an infinite stream of possibilities
may this blessing flow to you across time through love
I pray for you, the me of my past who struggled and
lost your way in depression.

May this blessing find you across time to you, from me the you of the future, to the 26 year old that I was in a moment in time,
where I was lost.

May you find your way out of despair and hopelessness, and
may you find the courage to set the radio outside of the filled
bathtub.  I know suicide seems the only way out, but you have
so much to live for. I am you of the future, as I speak to you of my past.  

May my love and hope travel across time to help you find joy in that little moment, where you turned on the radio to make sure power was flowing before you electrocuted yourself.  But in that tiny moment, reggae music blasted through the speakers bringing a spark of joy and rhythm into a dark moment, where you could not distinguish from the true and false.

May you find the wisdom to know that your pain will not last forever and all wounds heal with time, even heartbreaks.  I know, because I am in this very present moment the future self of you.  I know that your present feels bleak and each day feels more painful and pointless than the day before.  It feels like the whole world is against you and people who are supposed to love you only judge you and ridicule you.  Somehow it feels like who you are is not enough and you are sick and tired of feeling this way.

May my love and hope travel across time.  Love is infinite and collapses the space that separates us.  May my blessing find you
through this dark moment and many to come, so you may know
and experience joys, sadness, and full specturum of emotions
with an open heart.  You will someday embrace pain as one of your greatest teachers, because it has lead you to the other great teacher of life, love.  May you have the courage to really live, so you may face death, another great teacher.  May you live and die with love, and not with fear and hatred in your heart.

May this blessing travel across time in that infinite place in your heart, where hope will rise out of the heavy despair that is pulling you down to depths of pain that goes deeper and deeper.  Somehow, pain upon pain becomes comforting, and you begin to be trapped in yourself.  All you can see is this moment.

May my prayer and blessing find you and guide you to a future you cannot imagine in your present, but you would not want to miss.  Thank you, I love you.  I'm sorry for ways I failed you.  Please forgive me.  

May this blessing of hope and love find you across time and space to bring you home, so you and I can live in that infinite space of love in our hearts, where we are connected to life flowing through and in us.  May you find your way to me, to the now that is always being created.

Dear Father,



You had me convinced
that I was simply
the misstep in a
carefully lain plan:

a variable in some
grand, cosmic equation
or just the marriage
of ***** and regret…

to you, I felt like
the sticky, black
afterthought at the edge
of an addiction.

You beat me to a
gangrenous tinge
or until the bruises turned
a darkly, black burn.

You rendered me broken, addled;
our “good times”,
became dusty , old yesteryear
I had read cover-to-cover;

memorized, then forgot them
in one quick, embittered glance.
And now, you've vanished, a feather
in a magician‘s cap:

a soluble secret
exposed to a single tear.
As always, I guess I’ll
just pretend to be your daughter,

…and you’ll pretend, in return, that
I was never born.



Sincerely,

Your mistake.

The carpenter builds
Spilled blood on a board
And under his nails
Smashed black and blue
Indigo on a page
Words sharp like a saw
Cut to the bone
Twice measured then honed
On the streets
Alive with a beat
A rhythm and rhyme
He's counting time
With a rat-tat-tat
One nail at a time
Straight is his line
He drives it on home.

r ~ 6/2/14

Blue is something I can taste
The thinspun candy floss
Of saccharine summer memories.
That final exhalation you take after the exam
Because really, finishing your exam is pure relief.
It is the realization that no longer are the days of
Obligation and Responsibility here;
Those days have fluttered away
Like butterflies wearing blue ribbons.
Blue is the satisfaction of knowing
That the blueberry bomb quietly bursting under your tongue
Is one of many more to come.

Hope comes in the form
of a blue minivan
And the anticipation
Of who may be inside.

Once told make good the promises of youth
I said **** that, let's see what this baby can do.
I read grasp by wing the empty sky
Said alright, now I'm flyin'.
Learned take to task the soil of earth
Worked my *** off, now I'm tired.
Overheard Sail by sea tho waves be high
Puked my guts out when I tried.
Preacher man said I should harvest the bounty of friendly ways
Uncle Sam taught me to shoot first and make friends when they are dead.
Poets say love requiting all your days
I've loved and learned a thing or two, then got left blue (can you blame 'em)
Philosophy 101 lesson learned Let age grace you with humility
Marlboro Red says that I'm the hottest cowboy in hell
Life's golden rule Grace this place with your tranquility
I've rocked and rolled my way all through.
One thing I've learned: life can be zen but zen is boring.
Zen's for old age, now's for roaring.

r ~ 6/1/14

The morning sun rays bathing the soul
Waking it up from the dreaming consciousness
Eyes soaking in the awakened beauty
Taking off the cover of night, to reveal a new day
Sun rays swathing over the valley
A watercolor painting over the Earth’s canvas
Vivid colors are splashed to create a spectacle to behold
A wave of warm embrace caresses us
As we get ready to rise up to the occasion
To usher a new day and new dreams in our heart




© Amitav (Radiance)

Beneath the mango tree
death turns slowly -
creaks the branches/
untouchable - the tears
hanging low above the ground -
slowly swinging - no more singing/
beneath the mango tree.

r ~ 5/30/14