the boy enters when he knows
others will not be there
in prayer--their silent entreaties
to a god he is not sure
listens or cares

morning after mass is best;
the bouquets are fresh
he can smell them once
the scent of the early
worshipers fades:

the pipe smoke from the old man's
coat
the widow's perfume which lingers longer than the ammonia stench
of the holy homeless who is there
every day

Christ watches over this:
a white marble man bolted
to a cross, witnessing
this spectacle for millennia

long before this cold statue
was placed in this cathedral,
he was there, the slaughtered lamb
cursed to die again and again

that is how the boy sees it;
not a promised life eternal,
but the same death anon,
anon

the pounding of the stakes,
the blood offering: the old man, the woman, the mendicant
all crucifying him again with
each plaintive prayer

once their odors fade,
the funeral sprays, the bouquets
remain--cut, dying flowers,
a fragrant impermanence
with no expectation for life
beyond their time in the
vase--no imploring a godhead
for forgiveness

no demand for blood
and perpetual death

only a little water for their brief journey
in fragile glass

a flock of them we call a ******,
though not what I did to ****** men
I shot on the Mekong, who did nothing
but startle me a muggy morn  

I watched them float,
face down in primordial mire,
not far from the wire, which
split their world from mine  

birds came by noon
greedy passerines perching, pecking
on black clad backs; they sang not a word
of thanks to me

though I had made a meal of men,
for those who drop from blue skies--not even
when the flesh pulled swiftly from bone, and
blood flowed silent over their talons

July 4, 1970, Mekong Delta, Vietnam

Irreversible impulse
You are sealed in amber
Embedded in my chest
As a jewel
With momentum surging in your eyes
Bringing back the sparks
To the fireplace
Where shadows dance with flames
Vividly reliving the experience
Lighting up the forge of the wordsmith
Awakening within me
Feeding air to the embers

(repost)

Perched motionless
Gleaming among the catkins of the oak—
with toy accordions for leaves

And a heron—watching
Neck pleated
Head resting in feathery shoulders
Sharp-eyed, beak brutal

Watching—
where below
that beer can, squashed and stabbed

...And did he see her?
by the naked window
Did he see the lace that bloomed?
No—fell
like spring’s full flakes
to coat the hills in white
for an hour at best in its cool damp?

Did he see?
the way her hair lapped
the spine and blade of back?
Bent the night—so darkly
red from black
as she pulled her blouse above her head?

And did he want!
the flesh of warm yellow lamplight
the smeared press of spit and sweat!

YES!

Squash and **** that beer can!
Sculpt your loneliness!
and stick it through
with any hard implement handy!
Grind your teeth on dumb regret

and **** yourself!

You know you don’t—love her?

Be jealous of her sheets, her springs, her sunsets!  
on their ways to frost and moonlit sleep
turning forsythia of day
to fuzzy falls of glitter-gray
spilling down thick hips
of the river’s dungeon banks
so steeped in heat
to the dizzy roar that follows....

Be jealous of the River!
who always goes to her
when you will not...

And if—you really loved
I mean—loved!
who you saw...
you would have seen
the tired tears—roll than linger—Years
forsake their bones
defy the need for sleep
Defy everything!

Except—
the moon’s cloister...an owl’s call

And if you had loved her
you would have made the distance!
crossed the lawn!
skipped stairs!
Fought the Night of Time!
taken her porch like a champion!
Heart pounding near—the door down!

And if you had really loved
who you had seen

I MEAN—LOVED HER!

You would have—
You would have done—

ANYTHING!

"where night is a star reflected in a cool pool"

surreal as the silver moon
dipped in the silks of
the night sky,

watery prisms of
pool, tender as ****
frost wound around
the shadowy banks,

little flutes for ripples,
giant sky of light,
pool of ovid gold,

my love for you
knows no end,
sweet boy, in all
the give and take
the last line of
the sky, the first
line of the sea.

She is loved. She is stubborn
Mad at that part of the world
That loves her
For loving her
Without asking first

She never asked for this
Though the space between her lines
Already did

Those words
Those traitors
How dare I
Understand with
my heart

She needs to need
She wants the thirst
The hunger, the craving
The needing, the yearning,
The lack at its worst

She wants
none of the learning;
Only the burning
That gives her the thrill
The stinging,
The near-numb
Throbbing
In every flutter
Between every pulse
Through every string

Giving her is
Taking from her
Would it work in reverse?



She is loved.
Stubbornly denying it.
Fearing her happiness.
Banishing the ones who care.

Because her happiness
Potentially could mean
Not having things
to write about
It equals change
And breaking out the zone
Of torturous comfort



I’m afraid of what she seeks
And how she sees those burning curls
And what she does with sparks
And why she fosters embers

I’m scared the most
Of her using flames divine
To burn herself inside
A dark obsession
That swallows every light

*

I’m afraid she seeks love
So she could hurt herself with it
She uses it
As a means to an end
The end being the feeling
Of being hurt
So the ashes of that
Would be her ink
Fuelling her pyre
Of
“behold the beauty of suffering”