I'm so tired
*of missing you

I'm so ******* tired
Of you.

Why must you exist?
I'm over here trying to heal, to mend the wounds you left.
And you slip into my mind like water, unstoppable,
Tapping at torn flesh, invading my chest.

It's been far too long for this *******
To keep coming back to me.

No, I don't want to remember the first time you promised I love you
I'd much rather toss that memory from my desperate mind.
God, I want to forget how your smile
Lit my world like a million fairy lights.

I'm sorry I forgot that I love you
Was a temporary gift.

Now it's a curse,
And I just want, so desperately,
Not to see you again, not to hold your hand, kiss your lips,
But to just...

**Forget

Watching you dance, I cannot help but feel
As though you must be incorporeal
You move as though full of air- nothing else
Surely the rest of us humans cannot claim such grace

Because you are effortless pirouettes
You walk as though always onstage
Floating rather than stepping
Smiling softly at those who pass

I watch you from the ground where I live
My feet are heavy,
I stumble more often than leap,
And it seems my knees are always skinned

Your voice is smooth,
Your eyes always soft
You have an arsenal of kindnesses
Always ready to say just the right thing

I am a stumbling, staggering speaker
My eyes hidden far below bangs
I trip over soft words,
Finding only cruelty when I need warmth

You are poise
And I am dysfunction
You are perfection
And I am chaos

So now, I have to ask,
Why would you
Want such an insensitive klutz
As your friend?

If I take her hand, hold her gaze, share her smiles,
But I can't get him out of my head,

Who am I cheating?

There was a time,
When you didn't believe this sunrise would ever exist.

A time when youthful giggles shifted to pursed lips,
Red became far more sinister than sweet blushes.

You were certain, once,
That sky painted a million shades could never happen.

Once, when hands shook for far worse than excitement,
When darkness meant so much more than shadows.

You told me, then,
Surely your universe would be swallowed by it's own stars,

Then, before the wounds scarred over,
Before the meters between us became too high to count.

You swore to me,
That broken boys like you
Never got to become
Men.

Well, the sunrise is gorgeous,
Don't you think?

And the space between your hand and mine,
Might be too far for my fractured heart,

But I'm staring at those colors, the light of the sun,
And I'm seeing your eyes.

I'm so glad,
That you got to see this sunrise.

I promise it's real.

Here,
Let me cut my skin,
Let my words flow from the wound
In stinted stanzas,
Faux sentences.

I can pour it all into these,
Heart, soul,
Body, mind,
And yet my words will echo into emptiness
Meaningless shouting into an indifferent sea of voices.

These words, they've all been written
These letters, used infinitely before
So here, my friend
Let me cut my skin,
And bleed my worthless words
Into your beautiful, elaborate mind.