I often wonder,
with a feeling of great tragedy
and listlessness,
of what would have happened
should I have scrounged up the money
to pursue my dream.
Overcome by woe,
I can't help but fear
how different things might be
had I flown off
where no one I know has been before,
cringing at the thought
that I might have sacrificed triumph
for comfort,
happiness
for safety,
that I let the mere matter of money
pour cement over everything I've ever wanted.

Am I doomed to feel loss?
In theory I do not mind
being confined to my own company
till death do me part,
but I am hindered by my heart,
by feelings.
I'd like to say I'm fine
with this solitude
but my wretched heart
beats out in anger
declaring it is lonely.
Why can't my heart agree with the rest of me?
So terribly inconsiderate
to make my life difficult
to make me feel sad for all the things I do not have
when in truth I do not care.
My heart is a monstrous thing
a creature I'd like to be left in a box
on the side of a road
perhaps on a rainy day
because clearly my heart enjoys
dramatic scenery such as that.
Truly the things that make me most miserable,
are the doings of my heart.

The night
sky spills
past and
fills the store
beneath with
pools of
blue shadow
and silence,
they are all
there, the
books, on
the shelves,
waiting
ready to drop
like Sundance
and Butch
making good
their escape,
if only I'd
seen how
they'd been
squeezed
in I could
liberate them
all, wrong
verb (perhaps),
but.....
     ...... what
use will be
tomorrow's
sunrise
with no
book to read
by it's light ?

If he did not matter
And I did not care
Why does his voice echo in my head
On sleepless nights

Mornings cold, sheets unmade

If he loved me so
And I did not want him at all
Why can I still see his smile
Every time I look up at the clouds

Sun blinding, skin pale

If it was my choice
And his heartbreak, his loss
Why do I find myself
Writing these lines today

Clock ticking, time slowing

If I am unhappy
And he is long gone
I know for sure I'm stuck here
Regretting, longing

I thought I was the one
Who got away
But clearly,
He's the one who got away
With my heart.