When they are happy
you are happy.

The first year is the hardest they say,
Just get through the first year.
Give yourself the first year to miss them.
The first year I’ve found
Is spent doing a lot of things alone.
Relearning how to do things... alone
Like how to walk through the front door on thanksgiving without you.

The first year you have to learn to be you again.

You used to tell me that I spoke beautifully
but maybe it was just the words that I wrote down at 4am
because those 4am nights were seemingly becoming a thing
and I needed time to process you
and do all I could to put you on paper
so I said that you fit me nicely.
But since then I haven't heard from you much
and it seems that you've taken my beautiful words
and turned them into the ground and planted yourself a future
and you've given yourself hope that maybe you'll hold something beautiful someday.
But rainy days pass
and you've hidden your sun away
and I'm starting to think that I might not be a part of your beautiful future
so I won't suffocate you with the words you've stolen from my tongue
cause I can still taste them on my lips
inches from where yours used to be when you told me
you'd stay forever.

*spinningheads-andmessybeds

My fingers were trying to text you
Trying to get ahold of your voice again
Gripping, with the comfort of holding something familiar in my hands
Something my ears could float in
Cause your voice always made me feel like I was under water
But I knew if I slept there too long I would drown
My fingers were gripping the keys
Your name, a recipient
of something I knew I'd regret
But I was sure you'd be disappointed
So
I wrote a poem instead

You met someone new
And I wondered why it was so easy for you
But every time I tried to move on
I got imposter syndrome
Or I met someone who in the end, hurt me
My heart was breaking,
Alittle more each time I tried to take a step
toward moving on

But then, you unfollowed me
And I thought maybe
You’re having a hard time too.

You’re stronger than you think you are
You’ve gotten through every difficult day in your entire life up to this very second,
this is just another difficult day you’re going to get through
So every time you want to give up
Every time you want to break down
Every time you want to give into the pressures of life
Let the strength that got you here, carry you through the rest of today
Because tomorrow is a new day
And you will wake up, with new strength to get you through your next bad day, whenever that is

I promise, everything happens for a reason.
Someday, this is all going to make sense.
The pain and the hurt
You feel alone but there’s a reason why it doesn’t work out with anyone else.

In all the ways you said she was beautiful
those parts of me caught fire
and it burned
until it nearly burnt the pain away
and you lit the match

we both hurt each other
but you moved on
and im still alone
i struggle every day with the damage I was left with
i punish myself, for what I did
by keeping everyone at arms length
refusing to let anyone in
refusing to develop connections

we fell apart
and it feels like I still haven’t fully put myself back together
i don’t even know how to
you picked up the pieces and kept going
you met someone new
and then again, someone new
you made it look effortless

i thought maybe I was being punished
for the way I treated you
this is just what I deserved
but we both hurt each other
so why is this so easy for you
it’s impossible for me

i’ve met so many people
they come and they go
but, in the end, i get hurt

and that’s just how it goes
you took my pain, and now the world is handing it back to me