When your broken by the blow, and the jagged edges of despair cause the wounds to grow.

When the crystal hits the pavement and you can’t even imagine what the pile of glass used to be. When the tears flow so freely and last so long that its hard to see.

When your heart is so heavy it’s beating you to death from the inside. When you cant organize your thoughts no matter how hard you have tried.

When it feels like everything you thought you knew was just a lie. And you are unsure of whether to start over or say goodbye.

At that place between hard and desperate when your cheeks are wet from the tears without respite.

I Turn to the one who knows us to our very core who knit us together and desires for our pain to be no more!

I Gaze upon his Mercy his forgiveness his Grace, his unimaginable love as I see his blood and tear stained face!

He knew hurt, and suffering, rejection, and pain. Endured hardships and displayed self sacrifice again and again.

So in the midst of my grief and chaos without cease. I can run to him and find mercy and peace.

The first time I felt betrayed by creation
Was when I first was able
To get it straight in my head
That I will not be at my funeral.

I cup the moon in my hands
from a safe space
on untamed ground
in a forgotten place.

The moon—
its glow, it lingers,
wrapping soft eggshell hues
around my fingers.

I bite
not only with words

when I mean bite
I mean that teeth fill the night
with tears in my eyes
and the pain fills the head


cause I said:

if you want to dream this high
then there needs to be perfection
without any exception

I feel with pain

but the truth is that
I don't know how to stop
cause I do it at all cost
and it all started when I was lost

sitting on my bed
fighting in my head
my hands in my hair
and breathing all the air
my eyes from left to right
never thought that I'd be right

I do bite

and fingers once unharmed
have now scars so deep

Exhausted
Empty
from trying to hold
all their emotions with love
while mine flow unseen.

Even now, no-one knows
how I paused returning home,
set crutches aside, sat on the curb & cried
safely hidden from spying cameras & eyes.

Since I walked through that door
I’ve absorbed their emotions:
disappointment & blame,
frustration & sadness
irritation & hurt…
‘til now bewildered, exhausted
with no one to hold my heart
and care that I, too, feel…
spent
nothing left but a weary sigh
before I return to pry
the story of why he’d sleep on the couch
tonight

You,

blow warm breath,
into me,

e x h a l e

fragmented healing
into grey, smokestack lungs
warm energy,
wrapped
in a poison wind.

I pule, and whine, petulant:
"no," with a choke...
you squeeze scar tissue,
in your bloodless hands,
and expect it to flutter, for you?

It twists, like a wet rag,
in the stale air,
and bleeds, like the black tar
you hide, in your veins.

I can't

b re ath e,

and I'm drowning,
in the mud puddle, that is
you.

Your fingers, claw,
at the asbestos walls,
in long, ****** streaks.

I'm held fast, to the column,
in a burning building...
your white flag,
binds my limbs.
Your sweet smile
tears my ligaments,
in two.

I can't run, but

Why can't I
why can't I
breathe

I'm

C R A CKI NG

ash and bone, before you
something vaguely woman-shaped,
you hang your penitence, on.

I died, weighted,
beneath you,
and you just kept making love,

to a bombed-out, charcoal shell.

You can't hear me, crying.
It trickles away, soundless.
No pressure in the pipes;
no wind
in the reeds.

The finger valves,
only leak.

My blue eyed gaze
is henna,
on your brooding face
and forgotten again,
in mere
moments.

I vanish inside you,
like smoke.
Blue, scratchy ink--

a kanji insignia:
engraved,

upon the spot,
the location, where
your anatomical heart, should (be)at.

"Mechanical Soldier",
but I've never...
seen you fight for a nation,
that wasn't you.

When I was alone
in my world.
Alone, but never lonely.
Colours and canvases-
my only friends.
With no one
to care or bother.
You came along,
changed it all.
Now gone.

i think you might like me
but i'm scared of what you'll do
if i say something wrong
or if you don't like me too

what if you hate me
after i say it?
i don't want to ruin what we have.
so take my feeling, measure it, weigh it

maybe you're just like this
or maybe its something more
but if i do something wrong
what if things can't go back to the way they were before...?