Sometimes I sit ask myself
Who am i?
My angels stand on my shoulders
and whisper their lies in my ears
One from each level and I'm the one from here
They say many things both good and ill
to win me to their side
Who do I believe?

but then I realize
I cant change that
So again, I'll ask myself
Not "who am I?"
but, who am I becoming?

Again they speak with their seductive tongues
They're not here for me
They're here to make me
I need to shut them out
Cuz that,
That I can change
So can they, and they know it
Sometimes even without me realizing
I can let that happen again
So since I cant seem to  
just shut them up for me
Please set me free

To become, who i wanna be

Walking down the shores on nigh,
Hand in hand,
Side by side,
The waves that quietly lull the sea,
I walk with you and you with me...

We walk in silence with the song of the
sun,
Sets as we sing to the sand almost done,
And let our cares wash away on the
tide...

One last time we lay down here,
Again so far and yet finally this near,
I stroke your cheek as a tear falls free,
And kiss your lips as the stranger I be...

One last time i hold your gaze,
I drown in your eyes as I slide away,
Into the wake so far so fast,
One last time one last...

I dreamed a dream
And you were in it
I dreamt of your love
Oh how I long for it
I cried when I woke
Because I left your embrace
And I waited all day
To lay down to rest
And dream of you once more...

When I'm alone my soul fades away
It slides right out and fades to the grey
That I carve into the paper where my thoughts take form
Where I go to see straight
Where I go let my mind storm
Where I go to think true
That's where I go when I'm alone with you

When I think of you my thoughts melt away
They all come together and shout out and say
She's the one I care about
She's the one I dream about
She's the one who keeps me steady
She's the one who's always ready to listen to me and help me move
She the reason I make it through
That's why I think I can say
I love you

stop go up left
find it hide it run now cleft
to everything you and we and hidden away
leave it there now there
inside it'll stay
all those afraid of the light now with
all that they've left unbetrayed
us light bleeders
on the other side of that gate
we'll stand looking thru
offering each others hand
to those special few
lets pull them to the gate
but never let them through

My friend your lost
lost in this world of blues and greys
watching from a distance
please wont you stay?

I try every day to keep you with me
Yet every day your wrists smile free
Free to drag you down into the ground
To your eternal slumber
Not so sweet
You make barely a sound
As every time gets closer
And closer to your end
I try and try to keep you here,
Here with me
and them

I cant breathe

No. not figuratively

oh but I wish

but yea I cant breathe

Not with your smile at my throat

My love, my sweet
My only, my complete
Those hours wasted away
Lost on your thought
Drowned in your kiss
Those lost hours
Never will I miss

Shes got a face not spoiled by beauty
Hands not marred with jealousy
A kiss not powered by wonder
and hips not fueled by lust
She has a ring finger not driven by greed
This girl has eyes that dont look for the best
but accept the worst
and are not afriad of what mine have seen
Her heart is not stealable
so with me she'll stay  
I'll do my best to keep it that way
and her mind cant get any blacker
so with mine it will
This girl has scars from where shes been
so with mine they mark us together
Hopefully...


Forever

Lies swirl around
they whisper in your mouth
and make play from your tongue
they slide in and out of your mouth
a snake with venom potent as tears
as healing as acid
it trickles down your throat,
Burning others from the inside out

This is where I go to think,
The isle of banished dreams,
A place long forgotten,
But bursting at the seams,
I come here to think,
I come here to wade,
In the waters of regret,
In here I feel at peace
But no not just yet...
I come here to banish all those pointless goals,
To let go of al those broken dreams,
This place is always locked from me,
But sadness is the key
This place,
This place, is always open unto me...

This place, I come to lose myself in fears,
In anxieties, in dilemmas, all those wasted years,
I come to think, and let my tears build the sea,
This place,
This place, is the true definition of me...

I come here to wonder,
To sit in the sand,
To wonder if I'll ever leave again,
I stare up at the clear night sky,
I wonder and ask "Father can I leave?"
Can I leave this place of sorrow,
where my tears build the sea?
Can I leave this place of tragedy,
where my doubts grew the trees?
Can I leave this place where my questions
and dreams are the sand
and litter this beach?  
Father can I come home?...

I sit here in the dawn of night,
Sitting, questioning, is it ever worth the fight?
I sit here and ponder,
and let the ghosts of my broken dreams
come to my aid,
I feel fractured, hollow, unmade,
I let the voices swirl around me and scream
in my face,
"YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER!!"
They bellow and shriek,
I hear all of them,
I take in their council,
I understand their speak,
They speak of my wrongs,
They speak of my failures
I've given them reason,
I'm the reason they're here...

I come here to wallow in my pain,
To wash off all hope,
To be clean once again,
I come here to question to ponder to search,
To want to be better so I walk and I think,
Think along the waters edge,
Along this beach of broken dreams and
fears,
I hope I don't sink,
I want to be better,
I want to be great,
These dreams, these morals, they have yet
to break
I cling to them dearly,
As I tear out my heart, and feed it to the sea,
I want it to drown there,
But it always returns,
It always comes back,
My heart is half the reason I'm here,
It takes you by the hand,
and whispers in your ear,
And you follow it without fail,
Through storm, through fire, with no hope of
prevail,  
I follow it too,
I follow it in and out of this place every time,
She controls it, "Your heart is mine",
She knows it very well,
It's the reason I'm here, this place
This hell...

I walk deeper, and deeper into this place,
To  find where I've hid it,
I must find that place,
It's new every time, but yet, somehow the same,
This thing holds my future, it is my fate,
When I find it I can leave this place,
I can't find it here, not here, nor there,
It's inside me and I must find it but where,
where WHERE?!
It's not a key, but it is of sorts,
It's more of a conclusion, an answer, to why
I'm here,
I feel it close,
Im almost here...

I'm almost here, it's very close, it's very near,
I've thought, and thought, for what feels like years,
I want to come back stronger than before,
I've done it before, and I'll do it once more
These voices I've unleashed that storm inside my head
and help me think,
They help me, they've shown me the way ,
The way back up,
From down here below,
Im leaving now to return soon,
But for now I'm gone,
Until the next blue moon...

The sceptre of servants
Swirls in the night
Leaving wake in the star speckled sky
As plucks for its strikee the stars they fall
One down
two down
three down
Fall They come to the stick of the beaten
It to they bring a poisonous light
Now from me please take this
And bear it with our shameful pride
The cross of the innocent
Bears not the weight to bring down
It ensures chains to make you fly
To soar in the black oil law
So again please take this ire from me  
Bear it as high as go it may
For once it's gone
Another day won't away
For here with you my treasure will stay

Know what i noticed?
In this world there are too many songs about finding love
and even more poems about losing it
(I'm one of the drones whos contributed to both)
there are not enough happy people  
and also too many depressing people
(and I'm no spring flower)
too many
there are too many selfish tyrants
and not enough selfless saints
(i wish i was the right one)
there are too many judgemental basturds
and not enough accepting freaks
(i have yet to cast the beam out of my own eye)
there are too many people outraged at something
and not enough willing to go out and do anything
(im too lazy)
but with all this propoganda for both sides
youd think we would have found a winner
and stop the stupid people fighting for the wrong cause
now tell me
which one is right?
and truthfully,
which one are you?

Ive tried to soar free as a bird,
Free of my cares,
(these scars)
My emotional wares,
Yet I've failed each time
Its not my fault though
You have to believe me its not
Im not the one to drag me down with these acidic anxieties
that fill me up and burn me out,
Your the one that makes me this way
hollowed out and broken,
Whats left to say?
Is that im here and I'm used
broken and thrown away,
"you must pay"
they said each time
as if for a crime I've (never) committed
a wrong that I have (never) done
Call me a liar,
but I think their wrong
I think they're out to get me
I think that I'm their chew toy
the one no matter how bruised and broken
seems as though it can go another round
In this maelstrom of hate bitterness and plagueful actions
I know I'm crazy for saying this but,
I know its not my fault its not.
right?

Have you ever looked
At the stars as they shine?
They all watch down
A strange way, divine
A sky of angels, a sky of ghosts
I've learned much as they visit each night
They tell me their secrets
The ones that only the dead should know
But they speak to me
I'll be ****** if I know
But they come back each night without fail
"Come child, listen"  
They whisper and wail
"We have a tale for you"
"Where the mighty fall.
And the weak prevail…"

Try me and see what I say
Take me and hold me and steal me away
Quite bitter is the fruit though, of which I am wrought
But compared to you, your sweet orchard it's nothing it's not

Never let anyone in because the less you
trust the less you'll pay,
You can never truly have what the heart craves,
It will only bring fleeting supplements
Then unbearable pain

Through his ribs
Nestled beside her lungs
There what's mine lies
My hand gently holds
This small scarred creature
War torn and timid
From its countless lashes and beatings
I take it and hold it out away from me
Though it's all that's left
All that's still me
My arms aren't mine not time more
My legs belong to some guy not here
And my skin is from everywhere
What once mine now belongs in the ground
Ransomed to shreds by compassion
Scattered on the breeze caring
The thread that holds my sharded form
Are woven from hate, anger and coals of kindled sadness
Strung with despair
I'm so dead but barely alive
Sadly alive and peacelessly dead
My innocence left hand in hand with my soul that fateful day
Along with one other
As Im dragged by my chains back to my cell of this body
I regretfully coax my pet back into its place
Sew it sadly and safely in place
With ignorance and craving
Then seeps back full of my fear and instinct
It's all I got left as I bite clean the thread
Drop it to never return soon
And continue on this grey and rainy night
With only the Quenching sound of my shoes to keep my sanity

During the time I let my mind wander
Off the leash and down on yonder
Sitting here contemplating life
Where I will go
What I will do,
When will I grow up and not be the fool
When will I learn what I want from myself
Will I be a doctor and care for ones health
Will I be a fireman and drive around town
Fighting the fires that destroy and burn down
Will I be the teacher that everyone loves
The one that pleases and eases the kids through
their time at the building of perdition where they do their crimes
Will I be an astronaut and reach for the stars
shot past the moon and land on mars
Would I go and be the first of my kind
to make friends with an alien mind

Would I be the first to travel to the centre of the earth
or would I stay home with my wife and give birth
to a child
and be able to make their world a better place.
Could they be special and be the first of our race
to do something special
To do something great
To watch them grow up and let that light shine
To be proud of who they are and know that they will
Always be mine
My child my legacy

To go and do what I could not
To have a chance and take their shot
To make a difference and make me proud
To make me happy, to die in peace
To drift away with ease
So when I'm laying down for the final time
I can say boldly "you will always be mine"
Mine to hold
Mine to cuddle
Mine to love
Mine to huddle
Mine to teach
Mine to learn from
Mine to tell and say to go on and live your life your way
Learn from your mistakes and don't give yourself
reason to sit at those lakes in your mind
Full of regret and times where
you wish you had done it different
Said something else
Made a different move
You must live on
You will be great
You will be remembered
You will make a change
You have the potential to change the world

But don't forget the ones you hold
Most dear to your heart
because they're the ones that will stay by your side
Right through your darkest times
They will follow you through
Your blackest hours
and carry you through your hardest times
They will be your lifeline, your life
Even when your drowning in sorrow or feeling alone
They will be right there when you get home
to bring you up and pick you out of your rut
They will make your life worth living
They will offer all they can and keep on giving

So long as you keep on living
A righteous life helping others and showing them light
In their darkest hour and blackest times
Because your words have power
a power to change
a power to wound
a power to heal
a power to be kind
a power to brush away the scars of verbal
blades dragged deep through the recesses of our
minds.
Your words have power
so use them well
Because most times it is hard to tell
How much someone needs them to help them through
Because most times the only one who can
help them through
help them move
Is you