I feel a pull lately
A pull on my heart strings
Tug tug tug
Beckoning me to question all that I have
All that I don't
All that feels right
And all that is wrong  
I want to answer
But I'm scared

I want to know this more
But I dont go forward
I want to see if this is mutual  
But I shouldn't feel like this

So I wait
Wait and wait and wait
Time will tell
Such is life ... Right?

Every time it’s much like the same
Closing chapter washes these thoughts away

Rest is to settle the pain inside
But fact-less fears...feel like death inside

Sleep comes
but in no sweet fashion
Toss and turn
a ritual passes

Slumber brings the same old crisis
Will I lose you once again?
Time keeps passing  

In my dreams the world doesn’t stop moving
Until I think of you and realize
You are no longer with me  

Waking up and feeling you here
Love and patience keeps you near

Grief on top of grief... Ill never forget these passings. You gave up on me, he never did. He showed me unconditional love, you showed me what isn't. Every morning I hurt because things will never be the same. Both of you are gone. He will never return. If you do, you will be dead in my eyes as he is, which is maybe what you wanted. Selflessness and selfishness hit me hard each day that passes. Forgive, but I'll never forget.

Today I learned I would make a B and not an A
In that class I missed where we both stayed
Inside my bed and slept too late
Where I didn't care and you felt great
Today I thought I will regret that grade, but not you and the love we made
Today I hoped that you would come back, and that this all was a mistake
Lessons learned, let's get back to great.
Today I cried... Another day passes, you still haven't.

I'm waiting
For the day to pass where I don't cry
Or the night for that matter
For you to come back and say you are sorry and that you made a huge mistake
I'm waiting for the pain to stop
Why did you think it had to be like this?
I'm waiting for the urge to message you all of this to go away
For the day I won't feel like an idiot
Or the day my heart will stop yearning for you
Or the day you will admit you are hurting just the same
I'm waiting... And I should probably stop.