Have you ever done something that was a bad idea?
You and your friends all made a plan and the whole week before you knew it was a bad idea.
It's almost like God pushed his hand up against your forehead and said "No.", but you still did it.
While it was happening it was but but it started to go downhill going faster and faster until "BOOM!", explosion.
No, not a real explosion, a metaphoric one that definitely felt real.
In the end, after the crash, I actually started to go up uphill till I realized this hill is even bigger and I never want to the top because I'm scared what's on the bottom of the other side.
I'm traveling up this hill now, and the worst part is I'm alone on this roller coaster ride.

I thought they didn't care
Their tear moisten my pruned body.
My mother sobs for her baby back.
My father curses at God wondering why.
My brother fiddles with his thoughts.
My cousin just wants to know why.
My grandma is begging for God to take her instead.
My grandpa hasn't cried since his father died.
Why was I selfish.
Loosing my pain cause so much pain on others.
Now, I'm nothing.
I'm a memory.
I'm dirt.

The cold blade on my wrist slices open my flesh,
The red liquid trickles down the path of my skin.
They don’t know what I've been through,
They don’t know the thoughts that flip through my mind
like a fish out of water.
I am broken.
I am tore.
I have open wounds.
No one can save me from my feelings,
They haunt me everyday when they walk down the halls at school,
down the sidewalk, on the streets.
****, fat, ugly
My name tag says things I wasn't born with.
The world tells me I’m just not good enough,
I’m too much of this,
Not enough of that.
My heart drowns in sorrow as my mother sobs over the coffin,
my cold fragile body lies in.
Now, they feel bad.
Now, they miss me.
Now. They care.