I am 30 years old,
Although unsure,
I am still so bold.
On 23rd December,
Of age and loneliness,
I completed the 30th year.
No, not exaggerating,
I hate and fear my solitude,
For it pulls me into a depression.
I ruminate everything,
I was on an antidepressant,
Now my liver is failing day by day.
I apologize to myself,
My life is so empty,
I can't feel you there.
There's a stress in my heart,
It's called the load of neurosis,
For I have had no bro or sis.
First decade passed too slow,
But I was plighted by nightmares,
Nightmares of mother scolding me.
She bought me many toys,
Hoping I won't miss a sibling,
I talked with myself while playing.
Second decade went too slow,
I felt much happier with friends,
N’ I even had a girlfriend at 17 years.
Started composing songs with a guitar,
Although I got my heart broken,
And I felt so lovelorn at 18.
Met another ******* a bus to Delhi,
She was bothered by two smokers,
I chided the two to get off the bus.
So, I got one more girlfriend at age 18,
She doublecrossed me, I ditched her,
And I again moved on in life solo.
Then another at 19 years of age,
I got a match from social service club,
Where we taught poor kids together.
I would utter one petty lie,
If I said that I loved her not,
Or that she loved me not.
All went fine, we even made love,
Like married husband and wife,
But by abruptly, I almost did die.
The date was 7 May 2010,
I was pulled inside Death’s den,
And He almost briought about my end.
I met with a life-threatening,
And grim deathly coma-inducing,
High-speed accident on the highway.
Even the doctors were hopeless,
My parents were afraid to lose me,
But I lived with some partial disability.
The 3rd girlfriend used to visit me often,
She took care of me in my state so comatose,
Then she'd give me light music therapy.
I woke from the coma,
More than mental,
Back then it was a physical trauma.
I was in a barely conscious state,
For more than 3 months,
I couldn't speak due to tracheotomy.
Now, the 3rd girlfriend told a beautiful lie,
To my parents she told she wasn't my girl,
When I asked, she said that I loved the 2nd girl.
Although, the first word I spoke,
Months after the tracheotomy,
It was only her first name...
Things got complicated on October 26th,
I was upset and didn't speak a word on 27th,
I spoke on 28th October 2010 that I recalled my past.
The 3rd girlfriend I wanted to scold,
Even the cheater second girl was involved,
I wanted to rip the sky apart for the lie.
First, sent me into a comatose state,
Almost snatched me back to Swarg,
Gave me a physically challenged life.
I loved again a girl,
She proposed me,
But my heart she did hurl.
Kept blabbering about her male bestie,
And I got sick of her soon,
Ditched her and moved on alone.
Then I found a new girl,
She guided me here to this nook,
And so, I found my 5th lover.
I visited on her birthday,
We kissed each other twice,
Once was on arrival.
And again in the wee hours,
I slept beside the bed of her father's,
She was too attracted to me.
She woke me up lightly to kiss again,
And over her father's head we kissed,
Amazed I was seeing her daring game.
Her name means grace,
But a year later,
All her grace depleted.
Me she cheated,
She crossed me with another guy,
The guy went to her city for testing her.
So, I was done with 5 girls so far by 2015,
Now, a motherless poetess liked me,
I gifted her the fortune of love and care.
She kept dwelling in the negatives,
I had to spell the relationship's end,
As she had a nefarious girl best friend.
She had resolved to pay me in earnest,
But I had told her not to worry,
And stay with me forever.
She pressed that I took back the money,
I told her to invest it for future with me,
But she had other plans, she made me ditch her.
Soon, I moved on to a Silchar girl,
She was a Muslim and sweet,
But then I came to know about her multiple accounts on SM.
Then I had a fling with a playgirl,
I was unsuspecting, but she used me,
As a *****, as her boy and as a *** doll.
Now enter the 8th girlfriend,
She's very ambitious,
She has many prospects too.
She never fails to exert the fact
That I lack the social tact
And she likes to act
She's sweet and sends me gifts,
I do help her as much as I can,
But she sometimes acts selfish.
My parents are simply unprepared
To let me choose the girl to marry
And they don't want me to choose.
Have had enough of loneliness,
Still unmarried at 30 years,
I feel that I shall never marry.
Interpretation:
Life is very toxic.
My HP Poem #1902
©Atul Kaushal