when I said I didn't want to live anymore
and you looked the other way
claiming that your intention was pure
telling me that you thought that what I needed at the time was not you

when in reality that was simply
your way out

out of the toxicity we knew as love

I read something once that expressed how it isn't someone's responsibility to stay and fix a significant other

and so I can't blame you for leaving me at my worst

but
I'd like to know if the same rules apply when you're the sole reason your significant other needs to be "fixed"
are you still allowed to leave?
I guess it doesn't matter
because you did..

as much as I knew you loved me
you did not love me enough to see me live

as much as I wanted to die
I'm just thankful that I didn't

because the guilt you would feel
would be almost unbearable
forever

but instead
you got to move on

well
move on enough to be with someone else
even if its temporary

while I'm still here dealing with the aftermath

I know that I've come a long way
but I also still know that I have a way to go

I also know that regardless of your relationship status currently
you still do love me
you love me but
again
not enough to act on it
only enough to reach out from time to time
only enough to check up on my social media
in the hopes that you see something that shows you that I'm thinking of you

is that even love?
maybe
but I think it's the manipulative kind

and I deserve something more than that
much more

and before I used to dream about you giving me more

but I think we're still both smart enough to see that as much as we may think we have changed we haven't

you're still the guy who strings me along with no regards of my feelings
enough to give me a taste
but leaving me hoping that I will crave more
with no intentions on giving me exactly that

and I'm still the girl
who's feels things much deeper than she wants
who still needs some fixing
who gets herself into trouble with love

but I'm on my way
and I'm not sure that I can say the same thing about you

I pray that I can one day

Actions speak louder than words
You r actions are very loud
I let you in enough
Time that I shut you out.

This is the new old me,
Semi-insanity
Is my unsoundness a sin?
Once again, your actions, in verbatim.

Aggravated,
I am losing my patience.
Whole teenage years I've been waiting;
I can't help but feel forsaken.

Am I made to be broken,
Are these the things I deserve?
I'm afraid, now that I've spoken
You'll use them against me, my words.

My true face hidden by these plastic identities
When they're removed, you shun me
It's a battle I'm always losing,
So I come to the conclusion
"I'm not allowed to cry!"

At least publicly,
You say you never ever want to hear a whimper out of me.
So in the dark in my tears I lie
But when the sun comes up, I got to dry my eyes.

Sometimes I am not myself
They tell me it's me, not them
Neglect me and free themselves
Is it so bad to need their help?

I believed their false words all of the time,
They feed me, poison me with all their lies
They're too ignorant to question why I'm dying.
Once again, they blame it on me, but unlike them, I'm trying.

Sometimes... They tell me... Neglect... It is so bad?
I believe... They feed me poison... They're too ignorant... Once again.

I'm running out of time,
They continue to waste my mind.
At the bottom of their list is me,
Is it wrong to want to be...
PRIORITY?

I got butterflies as my food
You make me feel so ****
Butterflies' a crazy meal
Now my belly got the feels

You make me die
And make me real
Take me up high
Swim in seas

I wanna go
Where the butterflies aren't
Wish you were not
So freakin' arrogant

I'll try to make it snow
Just to
Keep the butterflies away
Cause when I'm with you
In my belly
The butterflies play