i.
hearing your name still fills me with a certain intoxicating sweetness.

ii.
i hate you. god, i hate you so much. but i love you. please come back.

iii.
i'm sorry that it had to end up like this. i don't think you care, though.

iv.
it's okay if you've lost your innocence. i've lost mine, too. life will do that to people.

v.
i was often happiest when you said my name like maybe i meant something to you.

vi.
i am stuck between wanting to forget you and wanting to crawl back to you.

vii.
most of my poems are still about you, even now.

viii.
i hope you're doing okay.

ix.
please don't forget me.

x.**
thank you.

I find the little pieces of you in everyone. I met a girl yesterday, her name starts with an L, like yours, and the girl I sat next to in Starbucks was reading your favourite book and the little kid I saw in the park today kinda laughs like you.

2. I heard drowning was a peaceful way to die but thoughts of you have been twisting around my arms and pulling me under and holy **** I can't breathe. Water is burning at my throat, and my eyes feel like they're being incinerated. Everything hurts. I'm falling deeper, I'm at my breaking point. My lover finds me thrashing around in bed screaming your name. Drowning is messy.

3. I asked you for a lighter to light my cigarette with since I misplaced mine. But instead you said a collection of words that set me on fire, and you watched me burn to the ground. You could've put me out. Why didn't you just ******* put me out?

4. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting. I know life is far from what the movies you love watching come to be, I know that I won't get the girl because I'm the guy whose loved her when she stopped altogether. I know that I won't get the chance to kiss you in the rain either, but I just didn't think I would get to watch you slip through my fingers and mistake you for someone to fall asleep to when I was lonely.

5. You were never into writing or anything, your favourite hobby was breaking my heart.

your eyes used to remind me of how the sun bounces off of the lake when it was just about to set and it seemed like a kaleidoscope of blues was everywhere around me, engulfing me and making me feel calm, even in my darkest hour. your voice used to remind me of how when I look up at the night sky I can see a pattern in the stars that no one else around me could see so they said I was special and that I'll achieve things that nobody else could.
but now it's 4 am and I can't sleep because I can't erase the memory from my mind of your beautiful blue eyes turning into the color of your soul and your voice echoing that you lied about everything you've ever said especially the part of being in love with me.

Distance between us,
Countless tearing silences—
Loudest words unsaid.