Oh how we live in a way that is dying, all because we are losing doesn't mean that we've lost.
I love you more dearly than pain loves crying, though pain is all that you've caused.
I cringe and swell, at a moments notice, all that I loved was gone.
I stumbled and fell into a place where I knew, that I would never belong.
I know I will never belong.

Be oh so careful
My child
Lest you fall into
This same trench filled to the top
With depression
With self-hate
With abhorrence for the world

It never ends
Oh it never ends
It never ends

You think you can crawl out
You have already filled your head
With far too great an illusion
Of hope
There's no climbing out
The top has a glass cover
We're in Hell's prison
And God knows we'll never escape
It's walls

When you first fall through
Deep down into these depths
You don't know where to go
Everything is wrong
You can't say no
You can't just sing a sad song
But with time you figure out which trench
Is just right
But no one ever really picks right
We always pick what cuts the deepest

Words are powerful
And being able
To wield words is no different
Than a sword or a gun or any other weapon
Words will always be used as weapons
Because words is the name
Of one of the oldest places
In this sordid depression in this planet

The sound of
Words
Fades away
So soon
But the remnants
Cut like daggers
Straight down to the heart
From the mouth of those
Who let hate spill from their lips
Like venom from a viper's fangs

A venom so thick
And so abundant
Makes a pool we cannot swim out of
Trapping us like quicksand
Assimilating us into itself
So far in that we cannot remember ourselves
But only the intoxicated remnants of which remain

Our body's and our mind's
No longer our own
But belonging to the void
That this hopeless pointless life has become

Inside the void you only fall
Forever wondering when you'll meet the bottom
With quite the impression
You'll leave in the ground
Your body won't be altogether
But then again you mind wasn't in one piece either
Broken down along with your spirit
From all the pain you long endured

With no body to tether you to the ground
You go to see you can fly
You can
So you aim for the sky
But the glass atop the trench
Still holds you in your place
Always reminding you that
You did not die completely
Because at your time of demise
Part of you was already dead

you remind me of cold coffee;
tasted nice the day before
but left too long overnight
caught my eyes as i closed the door:
just sitting there
a dull, bland shade of brown
still awaiting my impulse for caffeine,

and afterwards when you're finished:
bitter,
tasteless,
nothing like what you once were,
left me disgusted about myself.

No matter how hard we try we always end up at this point all because occasionally we give up, forget that our love is worth fighting for.
In the middle of the storm you'd accuse me of not loving you enough while I preferred to shut down and let it blow over.
We were both wrong and I didn't figure that out until I had confided in strangers I just met who didn't want to hear about how I didn't feel like a good girlfriend while you chose to find comfort from the bottom of a bottle.
I didn't realize we both pushed each other away until I found myself getting angry at you for admitting to me after all these months that you'd been sticking a needle into your vein while I was at home taking care of our son.
I didn't understand that just because you love someone too much to ever walk away doesn't always mean they won't shove you and walk in the other direction.
The screaming, the fights, the tears wore you down after a while but you're always so strong and you never let people see that and when it became too much I told you that everything was going to be okay when I should've just kept my mouth shut because after saying it so many times I noticed that things were only okay when you were under the influence.
You found a way to stop the hurt temporarily but I didn't like your methods and so I ran even though all I want is for you to be okay and happy because your ******* smile baby could shine brighter than the ******* sun if you'd let it.
I didn't know how to stop a drug-dependent alcoholic from shouting or getting in fights or from loving me less but lord knows I tried my best to take the bottle from you and tell you I love you until I was breathe less and hold you when you cried about how you never wanted to be like your father.
I tried so hard and I need you to know that I tried so ******* hard to save your life that I couldn't do it because when you let your emotions get the best of you then you lose sight of reality and you can no longer tell the difference between what you want to do because you're angry and what you should've done because god you love him so much and he trusted you and he needed your ******* help.

Mother, mother, I kept your bracelet
Eat your food, won't you taste it?
As clear as mud, the bracelet reads, "****."
The word you mutter in your drowsyness to above
I will wear it, when I choose to perish
Perish, the same way you left me
I'm too far gone to heal the past
I think I caught your mental illness, spreading like a rash

Mother, mother, I kept your bracelet
It is locked up safe, unlike my heart, mend it, case it
I toss and turn in my haunted bed
Broken promises, no affection, some things better left unsaid
I stayed up all night, pressured to organize your scattered medication
Dad hurry home, she's having a seizure again
I tried to hold her down
She put her hand over my mouth when I screamed for help

I can't save you, until your turn around the blame

If I were a sentence,

I would speak to one person surely

And I would sing.


If I were a story,

I would talk of throbbing black

and burning grey and say

that, out of all the house,

some corners are… sweetest.


And if I were a writer,

I would write pages and pages

and never title a thing.

I would revise so much

one day I'd rewrite myself;

an ocean, maybe- clean, steady.


But if I could only ever be a poet,

I would simply lift my hand

And shatter the world.

winter comes
and our bones
turn cold
colder than before
and we turn desperate
to find the heat
that warms us