I used to dream of success,
of finding hope in the darkest abyss,
of being loved in a hateful world,
of seeking truth in this messed up world,
of making peace in a chaotic ensemble.

Now?
I dream of escaping reality,
of ending my life sooner or later.
I dream of a day when I don't cry myself to sleep,
a day when I'll feel as happy as before.
I dream of a time when I won't worry about being replaced,
a time when I won't just be the second option.
I dream of  people who would not hurt me,
of people who  do not carelessly throw words around not minding their actions.


Now I dream of a different life, one unlike mine, one where I do not feel used, forgotten, unloved, or broken.

It will always hurt,
the pain will never go away.

But.
Knowing what is known now,
Knowing the hope given for the future,
replaces some of the hurt, with hope.

Memories are never to be forgotten,
yet the past is the past.

Dwelling on what can't be changed,
hinders the continuation of life.

Picking up the baggage will take some time.
Moving on all together will still be the hardest thing to accomplish.

But when the final bag is put on the truck,
and all that has to be done is to drive away,
I will smile, reach over to the dial, and turn on the car radio.

As I pull out of the driveway, the radio will be at its highest,
because looking back, I'll be able to say,
That the music had never faded away.

My confusion troubles me
My wondering depresses me
And my knowledge grows heavily
And the icing on that cake is everything I hate about me

I should never have let you taste ambrosia,
should never have given you sweet nectar.
I should never have given in and let you have your way.
Now that you've gotten a taste of freedom,
there is no way to stop you before it's too late.