Today is the day, and yet
Here we are,
Each of us hoping, not getting too far.

Probably through it all,
And yet it knocks.
So I ask you to think,
To whom is the pleasure, while taking the locks.

I want so badly to hear you,
I want so badly to feel your embrace.
Tell me hello out of the blue,
Say that you love me too.

But then after that what?
We still can’t be together,
What was I thinking...

I wish I never let go,
But what would you have wanted though.

Dearest, I'm sorry
For all that I've done.
For forgetting you in webs,
Doubt hath spun you upon.

Tell me my dear,
Am I an annoyance,
For if you are happier elsewhere,
I'd even give you guidance.

Slap me, punch me,
Do what you will.
As long as we're good,
The pain shalt be killed.

I swear on my honor,
My pride and my love,
I will never hurt you,
I'll be your angel from above.

You swore,
You said,
We'd do it together,
So is this the end?
He asked you the same thing,
And you promised sure!
Did you not once think,
In my face you slammed a door?!
I trusted you,
I felt relaxed,
Then here comes a liar, a braggart a rogue,
To steal everyone who promised,
With whispers of gold.
My eyes finally opened,
The reality they see.
In politics, they will lie
While telling you you're free.
My right hand betrayed me,
And took everything I planned.
Be sure to watch your back,
You will die under MY hand.

I'll confess I'm a coward,
and yes I am scared.
But no one really asked,
so I thought no one cared.

I'll confess I'm a liar,
And yes that is true.
Trust me this once,
I'll begin life anew.

I'll confess I'm no good,
Though I'm sure now you know.
Please, help me get up
from my all time low.

My downfall.
Slow,
Excruciating,
Waited by all,
Seen by all.

Plotted by few,
wanted by many.
That is my demise,
my destiny.

Pain, helps me;
and yet hurts me.
It brings me away
by keeping me there.

A blade,
A word,
A gun,
Absurd.

All are my downfall,
Pain, I must decide for her.
Be she the curse,
or be she the cure.

Hurts, all over..
Notice me, **** it.
Call me her name, it hurts.
It was the name you had for her,
It was the name you called her.
PLEASE I BEG YOU DON'T.
It destroys me,
It tears me apart.
It rips me into pieces
and now I've ruined your mood....
I'm sorry if I'm sensitive,
I'll change, I'll shut up
PLEASE,
Just please don't replace me.
Not now not ever.
But you've already started haven't you?
I'm just there, but you've got videos to keep you happy.
I'm here uhm excuse me, you've got games to keep you busy.
Hi? Hello? Bye? Now, you notice me.
I HURT A LOT, I CRY A LOT
But you know what?
I keep silent because all the pain is worth you...
So am I worth it too?

Maybe it's fate,
Maybe it's destiny.
That losing the battle,
Was meant for me.

I tried my best,
I gave my all.
I'll push through again,
I WILL STAND TALL.

I lost the battle,
Not the war,
I'll spread my wings,
I will soar.

This is simply a lesson,
Life's timely reminder.
Plan well, stay strong.
Be the commander

It's been some time since we've spoken,
I don't mean a one word greeting...are we broken?
I've tried everything there is
gave my pride up for this!
Are you saying it's all for nothing,
That my efforts are simply rotting?
How quaint of you to think that,
How kind of you to say
that all that I've done
will be forgotten, washed away.
How the heck do you think I feel?
That all I had been working for was never even real?
I trusted you so much,
and then you started to change.
When I made my decision,
We were still family.... Just estranged
I didn't give up,
I still cared
I couldn't stop!
But all of it
fell on deaf ears not attempting to hear,
unseeing eyes not willing to try,
dying souls not daring to live,
closed mouths not striving to speak,
shattered hearts not struggling to be made whole!
My efforts were in vain
and yet why can't I release myself from this?
Why do I still freaking care?

For you my dearest,
My heart is calling.
For you sweet one,
I mostly am falling.
For you o life's ender,
My eyes search.
For you they look,
In all depths of the earth.
you bought me things,
My soul rejoiced.
My doubts faltered,
I had voiced.
For you my hopeful love,
I can truly see,
The wings of God's angels,
We're meant to be.

I read it once in a book,
Friendship may end in love,
but never love in friendship.

He asked to be my Romeo,
he was too kind to hear my "No".
As time progressed I thought I liked him,
but then I saw acts, quite unlike him.

He was not independent,
that I let go.
He was too protective,
to that I say NO.

I am a strong person,
I am independent,
you may be sweet,
But I'm sorry your weak.

I'd know the feeling if we were meant to be,
but please understand you're not the one for me.

Please, try and see.
We were just made to be friends,
you and me.

I feel so happy,
Light-hearted and free
Of all the things this was one,
Very much I thought might not be.
Each moment I remember, each second I recall.
You were there standing in the midst of it all.
Oh, joy my King sing me that song.
Under which I fell,
Much a victim to your spell.

Hello stranger,
Can I tell you something?
Everyone's like a stranger to me.
So; you know,
it doesn't seem hard to open up to you.
'Cause all the people in my life
are becoming strangers to me.

She may be just a friend
But she is something I cannot compete with.
And it doesn't feel good.

The strongest people break too,
they break when they are all used up.
At times like these a hug can help put the pieces back.
A simple hug that isn't malicious, that isn't carefree but meaningful.

We all need it once in a while,
Right now? I need it.
I need a genuine hug,
A caring hug,
A hug that means you care and you understand,
A hug that will make me feel safe again.

But right now?
No one is there to give it to me.

Pain, helps me.
Fire, consumes me.
Hatred, devours me.
Yet love, embraces me.

I am the essence,
the raw matter in love.
Without me, there is nothing.
Nothing to have.

Everything has me,
Everything knows,
Hurt may soon take over,
from 3 simple words.

By the time you see this,
I hope we are both truly happy.
By the time you see this,
I hope I haven’t done something heartbreaking for you to leave me.
By the time you see this I hope you’ve already realized,
You are my dark
You are my light
You are what keeps me going.
We may be too young,
I may be too naive right now
But whatever happens,
Please know I love you.
From the depths of this cracked soul and heart.

I LOVE YOU

I love you for who you are.
I don’t care anymore what happened in the past.
Losing you is not worth fighting over
“who was wrong, who was right“

I LOVE YOU

I love you for the flaws you have
I love you for the moments we spent laughing
I love you for the moments we shared crying
I love every bit of you.
And I hope you know that too.

It hurts so much,
Loving one person to your max,
And one day needing to make a choice.

Stay and they are confused and tormented.
Or let go and he is free from your commitment.

I chose to let go…
Lord, watch over him please.
Give him the best in life because he deserves it.
I know he is strong but in times of weakness please show yourself to him so that he can believe in himself, the way I believe in him.
Lord, I love him.
I wish him the best.
-i

I'm sorry for being too analytical,
for thinking too deeply about things around.
I'm sorry I feel unwanted,
I do appreciate your effort, I'm just not used to it.
I'm sorry I can't handle myself,
I don't know how.
I'm sorry if  hurt you.
Some you deserved and others were just what I was used to.

I'm sorry that for all my wrongs "sorry" is the only thing I can say
I'm sorry because I am ashamed.
I'm sorry because I am insecure.
I'm sorry that I cannot explain myself to you.
I'm sorry that you can't understand what I try to tell you  so instead I hide. I hide everything because I feel as if no one will get me. No one does.
I'm sorry that I still feel hurt when your eyes fill with disappointment because I can't deliver.
I'm sorry if I was not what you expected.

It's ironic to think,
I forgave my bullies for what they put me through.
I worked hard to make them my friends,
to make them feel happy and loved.
Only in the end to be heartbroken, left an outcast, forgotten and hated once more.
My heart hurts each time I see what is left of a once fruitful friendship
and to remember only all the times you shunned me before and excluded me from your lives.
It hurts, please I thought you knew me
I am not strong enough for all this
Please I don't want this pain anymore
Please

Ladies and Gentlemen..
I've moved on..
from the people who've hurt me,
from the people I cared,
from the people who I trusted
after they shunned me
when I wanted to care.
I've finally accepted that they won't be there,
when I turn around..
They won't have a care to spare.

One of the happiest days of my life
Was seeing you again after 3 months of pining.
I can’t say I didn’t expect what happened,
But I know it wasn’t for the lack of loving.
No.
We loved so much and tried other ways,
But this is not our end.
If anything this needed to happen,
If anything we need to be friends once again.
No one is to blame, no one to be held at fault.
Heal, mend and grow.
Maybe in the future, we’ll be even closer
You never know.

My Love be happy
My Love stay sweet
My Love breathe freely
One day we will meet.

My heart is yours,
Don’t you fret.
You are the home
It will never forget.

My swirls,
My calm.
My deepest resolves.
Come undone with you,
My beginning, my end.
I thought a lie,
Another wrong.
You made my thoughts go AWOL.
Ender of my life
Beginner of my rebirth:
Will you let me be yours?

My dearest little one, open thy mind
Let it not be tainted with wars and lies.
Learn to look back, leave not your past behind,
The answer lies there beneath hurt and sighs.

Accept what life is to find what is right,
In their minds or yours only you decide.
You can give up or go down with a fight,
In the meeting of fate, you shall preside.

Remember our time, remember it all.
Mistakes and failures, awards and honor,
Protect yourself from temptations call.
In this book of life, you are the author.

So understand and be open minded,
Though be careful, lest you are blind-sided.

I should never have let you taste ambrosia,
should never have given you sweet nectar.
I should never have given in and let you have your way.
Now that you've gotten a taste of freedom,
there is no way to stop you before it's too late.

I used to dream of success,
of finding hope in the darkest abyss,
of being loved in a hateful world,
of seeking truth in this messed up world,
of making peace in a chaotic ensemble.

Now?
I dream of escaping reality,
of ending my life sooner or later.
I dream of a day when I don't cry myself to sleep,
a day when I'll feel as happy as before.
I dream of a time when I won't worry about being replaced,
a time when I won't just be the second option.
I dream of  people who would not hurt me,
of people who  do not carelessly throw words around not minding their actions.


Now I dream of a different life, one unlike mine, one where I do not feel used, forgotten, unloved, or broken.

There are pictures I have kept
Saving each for the feelings brought back
But I cannot send them,
I cannot right now.

There are pictures I have kept,
Kept for the memories we had.
I’d love to send them
But would it be bad?

There are pictures I have kept,
They still live in my phone.
Reminding me of you,
Is it so bad that I want old to be the new?

These pictures I keep,
Tell me of our love,
Tell my heart be strong
tell me to rise above.

We laughed as we watched,
We smiled as we played.
Then suddenly came a Romeo
to surprise my day.
He asked to play,
I nodded to agree.
Little did I know,
They set it up for me.
I spoke of numbers,
He moved the options,
I chose one paper,
there popped the question.
Go with me? He had written,
I sat staring, not saying a word.
Actually shocked and yet a bit smitten.
Jeers surfaced, wolf whistles released.
My cheeks' red however, somehow increased.
My heart was pounding,
was this really true?
I guess so,
since I said yes to you.

Why is it sometimes relieving when I think of how I die?
My imagination places me in everyday situations and just dropping down dead. Then people would stop and stare or maybe just pass by?
Would people other than my family be affected?
Would my so-called friends even realize what hurt they'd put me through?
Would you even care?
Would you ever realize that sometimes you step on me and I allow you to because I'm scared?
Everyone is scary.
They all can break me apart
I want to die and just go away to a better place
I want a new life..
I want some of you in it but that will ever happen will it?

When you say "I love you"
Please say it to me
and not while looking somewhere or at someone else.
I don't have the guts to tell you and so
I live with my own consequences.
Have I ever told you that my body is no longer as important to me as before?
That getting sick and feeling pain is a way for me to know I live?
Have I ever told you how horrible I feel day after day?
That each hour passing by decreases people's love for me and I don't want that especially if your love for me as well decreases.
That each time I do not fulfill your request you'll love me less and less.
Angering you does nothing to help and so I am not to speak lest I disappear for long from this earth.

I thought I could take it
and so I endured.
I thought I could make it
and so I went on.
Dismissing each thought
each farewell suggestion.
Little did I know
I was not that strong.

I've been good and I've been behaved.
I haven't had an idea like that for even more than days.
But somehow recently, I have been thinking,
planning once more,
my life which is fleeting.

I don't know why it's hard to tell others,
hard to tell those who you love and vice versa,
They tried asking when they seem to catch me,
but it doesn't seem that they take me seriously.
I'm just that extrovert who's had a bad day.
Doubtful it seems for me to wish myself away.
Some people have it worse and say I can't complain,
but this time it's different,
cause maybe you can handle it but this is my pain.

Stop calling me dumb,
Stop calling me intimidating,
Stop calling me walang hiya
please, stop calling me big,
It's not exactly a compliment,
so please stop saying it.
I thought you understood me
though maybe I'm at fault here,
for I could never show my feelings
as clear as my streaming tears.

I've seen the lies,
the problem,
deceit.
I've dealt my cards,
shuffle,
repeat.
I want a difference,
drone,
all talk.
I don't do anything,
opportunity?
Just walk.

We have to do it,
We have to change.
Stand your ground,
Hope has to remain.

Resistance is futile,
Explanation is good as none.
Emotions are like trash,
Words are simply breezes,
Fuel my heart o temptress Hate!
Make me feel whole once more.
Doubt has never been so arrogant as today,
Martyrdom is what will rise,
Leave me be in my cavern of wonders,
I have never needed doubt in mind, nor martyrdom in heart
Both wound me, both shatter me,
and yet; both create me.

Sometimes I think about,
The words coming out of my mouth.
Sometimes, I dream about
The words you never could say.

Those sweet, sweet words
That had me falling from grace.
Those words reserved for another,
Another who stands in my place.

But I try not to care,
I found my drug.
The best kind they give,
A genuine smile,
A loving hug.

..I'm in love you
..I miss you
..I care for you
..I adore you
..I can't stand seeing you with others
..I get hurt too
..I don't want you to leave me too.

.. I love you

Breathe in
Breathe out.
"It'll be over soon"

"It isn't going to be fine"

"All will be forgotten then forgiven"

"But what if it won't go back to normal"

"Relax, you're over-reacting"

"What if it's hopeless?? What can I do then??"

Breathe in, Breathe out
"You can and you will"