I already have a broken heart
  yet with this heart
I will never part
with it in pieces like a freshly opened puzzle
you changed my point of view you
showed me with every piece there's a story
not a failure

making bad decisions is my whole brand  
no matter the day
no matter the weather
I make bad decisions knowing what I'm doing
and it could be the self-destruction I long for
it could be the stupid smile they put on there stupid face that says they love me that leads me down a rabbit hole of pain
chains linking me to my incompetence
the gun I put to my head to say "I'm okay"
but the choice I made this time
might be one of my best but we shall see
Isn’t that right love?

I wanna love
I know its everyone's dream or most of the population  
but I'm too hard to love in this state my emotions twist and turn like the streets of this city this big city of lovestruck teens but hey
everyone looks a different way to a different person I'm a pit stop among the long road of amazing sights and amazing people
but hey at least i give my all right?
even if i get shot down as soon as i get to that happy place because maybe i don't deserve it or maybe I'm doing something wrong
and maybe just maybe i try to hard
don't chase just wait
then
what?

“Everyone has there addiction “
I was told by my father of a ride home after a long weekend and it stuck with me as if everyone is struggling with something it helped ease some anxiety and my dads were drugs and my moms the finding my pain calming to her knowing she caused some of it and mine well was far worse they would say as if I didn’t know and whenever I had a chance to satisfy my urges I would because I had nothing to lose except my life and of course that was my goal

The books I read,
The songs I listen to...
All fill me with envy
Such lives they have
Filled with feelings and emotions
I would die to feel
My insides are numb
As if turned to stone
My mind's dead,
My heart asleep
I carry on like a machine